Doug is a pain in the ass. I hate “nice guys”. No one is that nice, and I’m guessing his ex-girlfriends broke up with for a lot more than “spending too much time with his son and not washing the car”.
we get it, you have a child….. and probably no friends??
An example, you throw a fit like a 5 year old when the guys joke around about you being nervous for a date.
You probably have a psychotic temper.
Or another reason: you speak in the third person.
“if emily wants a kiss with doug, she’ll let doug know she wants a kiss”
yep…. overly nice + temper + speaks in third person = psycho.
it’s science.
still hate ryan. I can’t figure out what his hair looks like? A porcupine?
via
she was definitely drunk on the group date, which I fully approved of.
I would need to be drunk to listen to Ryan’s bullshit Matthew McConaughey talk too.
who knew he could big a bigger douche than Kalon?
the two silent people we’ve never seen before were on the 2-on-1.
Nate said “quinn-oh-a” about 7 times + pretended to educate them about a food he can’t even pronounce (seriously, that was the dinner convo).
then, he decided to really embarrass himself on national TV.
he started crying, merely from saying his friends and family were great.
How does saying “I have great friends, and a great family” bring a grown man to tears on a date?
I mean, I cry a lot…. but we have different genitalia.
sooooo…… adios Nate.
Too bad your only words were Queen-O-Ah and crying.
and I still don’t understand her love with crazy hair Justin Beiber.
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He looks like a 13 in a boy band. And his name if Jef, with one F.
Just walk away Emily, walk away.
As Jack from Will + Grace would say:
Oh.
My.
Gaaahhhhhhhhhh.
These two are ENGAGED??
I almost rear-ended someone when I heard this on the radio.
Liam…. you and your brother have some amazing genetics going on.
Clearly, he however got the brain cells, and you are blind and deaf.
There are PLENTY of girls that are as skanky as Horse Mouth for you to be with, except you don’t have to listen to horrendous sounds coming out of their mouth torturing you.
via
He literally must be deaf. It is the only explanation.
Oh wait…. or on drugs. That may be more likely.
when kim took her wig off last week for Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding,
I WAS SHOCKED.
dare I say….. she has really pretty hair??
As in…. I actually wish my hair was that thick and full?
Am I just incredibly sleep deprived, or did she look like a normal, pretty person?
Did any of you watch Miss USA?
Did you see the outfits for the introduction of all of the contestants at the beginning?
a day at the races… rock star style… champagne collection…. debutante. Who came up with this crap?!
This was the dumbest, trashiest thing I had ever seen.
and then showing the “fake fashion insiders” smiling and commenting – horrible!
anyways, the new miss USA is stunning. obviously.
and Ohio was the perfect “i’m pretty, but seem dumb as rocks” pageant contestant if you ask me, using Pretty Woman as a movie that empowers women.
she’s the one in yellow on the left. doesn’t she look like the idiot facing the wrong direction compared to everyone else?
You know what men really want to watch?
A porn featuring a woman who birthed 8 children in one day.
um. no. who are the messed up people that come up with this?
this is almost as bad as someone proposing to Horse Mouth.
almost.
bethenny’s show premieres Monday. I’ll DVR it, but still don’t think she will ever work as a TV host, even though I love her and think she is hilarious
ashley olsen has started showing her teeth.
this alarms me.
xoxo
This post pretty much made my day.
And I agree with the Chris Hemsworth getting-all-the-brains comment. Amen!
Thoughts on the new NYC Housewives? I have an obsession with Carole Radziwill already. Read her book – it's legit.
Showing her teeth… and it scares me! PS you are making me want to start watching the Bach.
hahah oh my gosh, your thursday posts make my day 🙂 awkwardly laughed out loud at my desk multiple times while reading this; ensuing confused glances towards my cube from coworkers. totally worth it though 😉
Love reading your blog! It seriously cracks me up! Thanks for brightening my Thursdays with your sarcasm! 🙂
Megan
http://www.forallthingslovelymr.blogspot.com
Yes what is w Ryan from the bach's hair?!? He seems kind of evil to me! I am one week behind and was so sad when Stevie the dancer didn't get a rose. He stole my heart w his moves!! And yes Liam must be blind and deaf..hhahaa! Your Ashley Olsen comment is hilar!! Oh yeah..I don't know about Bethenny as a talk show host either. xoxoxo
Bahaha – this is hilarious, I love all of it 🙂 I just wrote a post about the Bachelorette Fasion, but have been wanting to do one about the guys – my nickname for Ryan is Douchey McDouferson!
http://allthingsalisamarie.blogspot.com
Oh my Gosh! You are hilarious! This entertained me so much and put a huge smile on my face.
I don't understand what he sees in Miley either, I never thought she was that pretty.
And the bachelorette… whew! Ryan and Doug are making me nervous and Kalon needs to go and Jef looks like he's 13… ??
Great post, Hun!
xoxo
P.S. I'm so happy to be your newest follower/fan!!!!
Thank you as usual for making me spray my coffee all over my white desk and myself. Honestly I should no better before reading your blog on thursdays.. Loving the teeth comment so much.
Liam, Liam, Liam. I'll just stand here for the next five minutes shaking my head. Cannot believe it. Not ok.
OHHH MAAHHH GAHHH…so much to say about the bachelorette! 1. Seriously, who were those guys on the 2 on 1 date? And he really did say quinoa 50 times. LOL
2. JEF. I can't get over the fact that she keeps picking him! WHY? Does she really think he'd be a good father & role model to her daughter? He's like 20. And looks like a club kid. Wtheck!
3. I used to like Doug. But I think your psycho analysis is correct. Must be.
4. Ryan is a douche and she still keeps picking him, even though he says things like how he can't be with someone who doesn't go to the gym. WTF emily, you can do better than that!
5. Unrelated to anything you said in this post, but Emily needs to dress better in general. My fave bachelorette is still Jillian just bc all her outfits were so cute. I'm such a girl.
Ok that's it! 🙂
I am back again because I totally forgot to mention her hair at the rose ceremony. IT WAS SO FAKE! I was so expecting you to comment on it!
I recently stumbled on your blog and am LOVING your Coffee Talk posts. You make me laugh. A lot.
http://projecttrophywife.blogspot.com
Such a great blog!!! I love it!
Would you like to follow each others blog via GFC and Bloglovin in order to keep in touch?
Lots of love,
http://www.nicoleta.me
♥
These posts make my day. I thought the same thing about Kim's hair. Actually was thinking it looks better than my own and thats sad. Ashley's teeth- now we know why she doesn't smile. The Hemsworth men- hot, hot, hot. Getting engaged to Miley Hope Destiny Ray Cyrus stupid.