discuss amongst ya-selves…..
:: The Bachelor ::
I for one totally appreciated Jimmy Kimmel’s jokes about polygamy, sex with everyone and this television show. Still completely clueless as to why ABC thought this was a good idea, especially because we heard Chris’s less than masculine laugh 97 times, but I loved it.
ONE ON ONE DATE : Kaitlyn at Costco.
Kaitlyn could NOT be less excited about Costco as their date.
um, I would be THRILLED. Do you know how much a Costco runs cost? Of course you don’t! You are like 18 years old; you don’t grocery shop! AND they probably used your professional Bachelor headshot on your Costco card for you so you look amazing……. everyone else walks into Costco looking like its their first time seeing daylight after a night of binge drinking and late night mexican and they couldn’t find a hairbrush, thought their makeup from the night before still looked decent enough, and a puffy coat would cover their jammies …….
…….oh wait….. thats just me? oh.
Chris is a moron. or a man with a penis. Same thing.
because here is his response to the day date at Costco: “I don’t know a girl that could handle this date with such class!”
CHRIS. SHE IS WEARING A WHITE CROP TOP, A BUFFALO CHECK MENS BUTTON DOWN TIED AROUND HER WAIST, AND SHE IS MAKING OUT WITH YOU WHILE ROLLING AROUND IN AN INFLATABLE BALL.
AND FOR PETE’S SAKE KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE DAMN LIPSTICK.
Group Date: Milking animals and making people drink the goats milk and all kinds of stupid stuff.
ABC. SERIOUSLY. ENOUGH W THE SEXUALITY. airing comments of
“it tasted salty and warm…..not something I want in my mouth”
is REPULSIVE. Your mothers should slap you, ABC Producers. GEEZ.
Lock it up!
Kale’s Mom on group date : “Wait remember when we kissed ? Why are you kissing everyone else?”
Good Lord, Go back to the play group Kale’s Mom!!
All Kale’s Mom does is follow around the Promiscuous-Virgin with the hideous Princess Belly Ring.
Seriously…. it’s all she does. She had got to be 16. I think she lied on her Bachelor application.
and as MTV has shown us, 16 year olds CAN have babies.
I’m crying foul – she’s totally a teen.
I’m crying foul – she’s totally a teen.
GIRLS ON GROUP DATE : THE LIPSTICK ON THIS DATE IS UNBEARABLE TOO
only positive from group date : the chiropractor assistant, Becca, is adorable.
I miss seeing crazy pants this episode.
oh BUT WAIT. chris OF COURSE gave her a rose so we’ll have her back for next week.
ONE ON ONE DATE : FERTILITY NURSE
I really love the fertility nurse girl. She is cute and sweet and nice and normal and way too much personality for boring Prince Farming. She seems to be one of the only good girls on here, so we will pretend her voice is TOTALLY FINE. What voice? I didn’t even notice. Totally fine.
FINAL DAY :: BACK AT THE WHORE HOUSE
Favorite line of the night :: Promiscuous-VIrgin crying to Kale’s mom when Chris Harrison says there will be no cocktail party before the rose ceremony
“WHAT????!!! I was so excited to do my Kardashian look tonight!!!?? And Now!?? Ugh….”
She is seriously DE-VA-STATED.
Ya hear that Chris ? Your perfect farmer dream girl!!!!
annnnnnnnd of course there’s a rose for Promiscuous-Virgin-Belly-Button-Girl.
oh, and for those that don’t watch that are still reading and wondering,
they blurred the cross fit girls nether regions this entire episode AGAIN. (inset emoji of monkey covering its eyes with its hands)
I did not laugh and shriek at all when they blurred it out whilst she jumped over a fence. I did not. Because this is awful that they are doing this to her on national TV. so I swear….. I didn’t laugh and rewind. Nope.
:: RHOBH ::
WOAH. things are getting REAL on RHOBH
because, well, she is. and you know it.
This week, before kim goes a little bonkers,
they all go wine tasting with kim. because clearly thats what friends do with their friends that are addicts.
not cool girls. not cool. just planning a whole afternoon of wine tasting with even a pregnant woman would be cruel and unusual punishment, but for a recovering addict? ummmmm yeah. nice one ladies.
so THEN the episode proceeds to show Kim out of her mind whack a doodle, clearly on something in the car with Lisa Rinna…. bless her Heart, Lisa tries to handle it as best she can when inside she is thinking what we all are
it was…. uh….. an interesting ride.
as in….. the old Kim was back….
no but seriously…. her ex-husband apparently gave her pain killers/pills and she took them before the poker party.
Kimmmmmmmmm. noooooo. it was painful to watch. and INFURIATING to watch BRANDI of all people sit there and act like she is totes there for Kim and knows what she’s going through.
really? are you a recovering addict whose dying ex husband is living with her?
Brandi, being a bad drunk who drinks like a fish and insists its totally normal is not the same thing as a recovering addict but nice try.
in between being all bitchy and acting like she is Kim’s AA advocate, Brandi makes inappropriately sexual comments about eileens husband. Eileen has got to be so DONE with this group. at least Brandi. I don’t know how she restrains herself around her.
Im recapping way too much right now and annoying myself.
SO kim tries to leave and kyle is asking to talk to her and Brandi puts herself in between the two of them and shoves 5 foot nothing Kyle.
hey brandi – you don’t step in between two sisters. ya just don’t.
add this to the list of 19 zillion things brandi needs to learn.
add this to the list of 19 zillion things brandi needs to learn.
but lets focus on the important things :
the saddest thing about all of this is that because of Brandi shoving Kyle, THE PIZZA FLIES ONTO THE FLOOR.
I saw the pizza flying in slow-motion, I swear, and my face was saying “NOOOOOO!!! The recovery car ride home treats are the best part!!!”
if I were Kim I would have gotten in the car to leave and been like “THE REAL TRAVESTY HERE IS THE FACT THAT I NO LONGER HAVE PIZZA PEOPLE! SCREW YOU!”
anyways I want to make way more comments about this but I am torn between rock and hard place about jokes and mocking sobriety.
but lets be honest, the only fun thing sober kim has done on camera was make that damn chicken salad on prom night.
but lets be honest, the only fun thing sober kim has done on camera was make that damn chicken salad on prom night.
pah-reah you know you were DYING watching her make that chicken salad.
but BRANDI NEEDS TO GO. I am real, real sick of her.
(I hope you’re listening My Boyfriend Andy Cohen!)
speaking of Brandi, are any of you watching Celebrity Apprentice?
because HOLY GERALDO.
that man is the most obnoxious thing I’ve ever seen and he is absolutely insane. and damn he and half these people are so egotistical.
second runner up : clearly Kate. who wants to ever see that face and hear her voice? who? WHO??????
:: vanderpump rules ::
I can’t wrap my finger around it, but I just don’t have enough energy to bitch about this show. Because every scene I have something to bitch about. So I’ll pick my favorite, which is technically from last week in Miami on the Bach Weekend.
Jax Taylor totally hooked up with that guy in miami when he lived with him when he was young and starting out in modeling and the whole thing is so painful to watch.
on WWHL, my boyfriend Andy Cohen polled the audience and 96% said that YES Jax hooked up with him.
my favorite line :
old model agent guy about naked photo of jax :
“oh yeah…. I think I still have that print hanging in my apartment?? “
Oh….. Yeah….Maybe????
I just FORGOT about a HUGE NAKED PHOTO of someone hanging in my place until just now, he says nonchalantly.
:: jackhole of the week ::
ME.
for trying to google to use that picture that is hanging on the model agents wall in this post.
DO NOT EVER GOOGLE WHAT I GOOGLED.
just because they showed it 97 times on the show does NOT mean that will be what comes up in the search bar. no sir.
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.
#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.
Ugh you are making me want to watch the bachelor, but I have held out all these years I need to stay strong! RHOBH was straight up CRAY this week and uncomfortable. I used to like the whole train wreck aspect, but now I want to cover my damn eyes. Totally agree about Lisa Rinna, she has totally unsucked that cast. Brandi… I just can't with her anymore. She used to be hilarious, but now she's just mean and crazy and trashy. NEXT!
I know, even the entertainment factor of Brandi is gone now because it's been completely overtaken by the mean and crazy/trashy aspect!
1. at least kyle apologized like 80 million times on the show and on wwhl for the wine tasting. she was too sincere for it to be fake.
2. joanna finally took legal action against brandy for her….comments on her body areas.
3. the 20 second pause over peter's dop kit was NOT to see that he uses crest toothpaste.
4. why would you have an entire interview about your statement necklace line, how much you love statement necklaces and how you like that people stare at your neck instead of your chest – while wearing NO statement necklace and a super revealing dress? i get it stassi, you have no story line this year. but…
Oh, I totally agree I don't blame Kyle at all – I believe her that it wasn't planned at all. It was still awful! I had no idea about Joanna and legal action I need to google it ASAP!! and I'm laughing at your Vanderpump commentary – so true and spot on. When stasis was on WWHL she didn't have a necklace on either, I'm like UMMM if this is the only thing you are "doing" then WEAR A DAMN NECKLACE!
I am SO. DONE. with Brandi, too. AND Vanderpump Rules (I don't like ANYONE). But I just can't stop watching!!! DANG you, Bravo!
Other favorite sober Kim moment…her playing with squirrels and praying next to the trash can last season.