discuss amongst ya-sleves……
:: THE BACHELOR ::
Ummmmmmm REJOICE REJOICE in the NEW YEAR.
because with the new year comes a new season of the Bachelor, and we all know the Bachelor is 97 times better than the Bachelorette because we get TWENTY EIGHT CRAZY GIRLS that we get to watch every week find love make fools of themselves.
and for the first time since practically Andrew Firestone (for those of who haven’t watched The Bachelor for the last 15 years, Andrew Firestone was a sexy, rich, successful bachelor that no one knew about until he was on the show – BACK WHEN THEY KNEW HOW TO DO IT CORRECTLY)….. but I digress…. for the first time since Mr. Firestone, I am excited about a Bachelor!
Ben is physically my type, doesn’t seem to have any skeletons in the closet, and seems to be an all around normal nice guy. Adios Farmer Chris, Juan Pah-loh, and Ben Flajnik aka Francine from Arthur.
I could go for a little less of the calling mom + dad, thinking you’re unloveable, talking about how you “drop in to see your teachers from high school”, and possibly being too emotional, but hey! you’re sweet and super hot and I don’t dislike you yet, so go get ’em Benny Boo Boo Boo Boo!!
editors note : for those of you that immediately thought of How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days when reading Benny Boo Boo, lets be friends. k thanks.
we have all the ingredients we need for “the most dramatic season in bachelor history”,
starting with names and careers and enough sparkly gowns to compete with senior prom.
Jami with no E. you know trashy spellings of names make my heart go pitter patter
single mom of TWO (quite the twist ABC – TWO not just one) who looks and sounds no older than 18 herself.
professions that include : a chicken enthusiast, unemployed girl, “twins” – that is their listed profession
we have a girl who doesn’t speak english the entire episode, girl who enters on a hoverboard (also the unemployed girl, natch), an instagram stalker, and crazy-ass-dentist who enters with a giant rose on her head. and thats just to name a few.
OH and a girl named “lace”
luckily, Ben kept the craziest one (that we know of thus far) LACE.
she is the most entertaining for viewers kind of crazy, and also the worst kind of crazy for ben; she flips out over such things as NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT.
I meannnnnn HOW DARE HE.
oh em gee y’all this is gonna be so. damn. good.
I love that the show ends with Ben being like “soooo just to clarify, the reason you are upset is that I didn’t make eye contact?”
DUH BEN. why else would a lunatic be upset?! women are COMPLETELY reasonable people and dating dozens of them at once is the SMARTEST decision you have ever made! get ready for weeks of pure hormonal jealous crazy pants hell!
ben : “I don’t understand I gave her a rose what the heck does she want?”
don’t worry ben…. she’ll just suck the life out of you and make you want to poke your eyes out with your fork. thank you, shady ABC producers, on behalf of all of us, for making sure she sticks around 🙂
I hope she continues to wear hideous lace clothing just like her name whilst downing 10 glasses of wine.
the SECRET and DELAYED crazy is definitely going to be the news anchor.
I can just smell it. I know it. she’s definitely the “isn’t there to make friends” girl. drinking game: drink when girl says “I’m not here to make friends” or “I’m here for ben”
in addition to drinking for the usual “journey” or “here to find love”…. you know the drill…
she’ll be the one that is soooo perfect around him and then a crazy pants to the girls and they will despise her.
I know I am leaving out 95% of the show and I apologize don’t worry, we’re just getting started. I cannot wait for next week!!!
{see end of post for bachelor related jackhole(s)}
:: Jimmy Kimmel Post-Bachelor ::
why have I not been watching Jimmy Kimmel on Mondays after The Bachelor/ette airs?
its AMAZING. he and his wife are totally into it, and he calls these people out for everything.
UMMMM side note!!!
He also had my girl crush Jennifer Lopez on so you know I was through-the-roof excited. She looked beautiful as ever and talks about how her Vegas Show and how her mom loves to gamble and won 2.4 million on a slot machine in vegas.
whaaaaat. and she loves marshalls. she’s probably lying, but she said it, so that means she must only shop at marshals right? they sell sparkle jumpsuits and plunging v-neck gowns like hot cakes, right!?
……and I am DEFINITELY the crazy stalker girl from the bachelor that freaked Ben out but instead for J.Lo.
jimmy then gives his/his wifes votes for the top 5 and winner of the show and I think he’s probably spot on,
and then he says to Ben’s face “and then you’ll break-up within 4-6 months”
PREACH Jimmy PREACH!
just kidding… I totes believe in love!! love y’all!
and the 4% success rate of this show……
and Ben is TOTALLY LOVEABLE and needs to BELIEVE IT,
so lets hope for at least a 1 Year+ engagement period…….
:: RHOBH ::
sooooo why did Bravo play new episodes of shows between Christmas and New Years??!! I had no idea and now am having to seriously catch up on things and with Making a Murderer homegirl aint got time for that! My eyes are crossing!
anyways,
Yolanda goes to get her breast implants and leakage removed, and all she wants is David first thing coming out/waking up…. it makes me so sad for her. Divorcing seriously must have been the worst thing ever for her – she is NUTS over him.
and seriously, ENOUGH with the cancer-gate-brooks-yolanda.
but I still can never remember the word they say –
i keep having to google it – Munchausen Syndrome.
am I the only one who had never heard of this before? never heard that word in my life.
so the ladies go to the Hamptons for a magazine cover party for Lisa VPump.
the place turns in to a night club at night, and all of the rooms surround the pool/club area.
it’s clearly every 40-50+ year old woman’s Hamptons Dream and makes TOTAL sense for her party and for all of them to be there. Totally. Yep.
So Lisa arrives and sees that the ladies rented a house in the hamptons to stay at instead because, you know, DUH. and Lisa is PEESED.
enough vanderpump! you wouldn’t have stepped foot into that place!
even BEFORE the 4 am raging noise – yeah freaking right!
editors note :I want to go there! it looked so cute and so fun!
and ENOUGH with asking kyle about her sister at the most inopportune times ever
what is wrong with you!?
:: jackhole(s) of the week ::
chris soules, jason mesnick, sean lowe “mentoring'” ben higgins
and sean, thumbs up for being on Marriage Boot Camp with your wife; in case you didn’t realize, everyone else on that show is a raging lunatic with LEGIT marital issues and you possibly just became the most desperate 7 minutes of fame seeking couple to come out of bachelor history.
which is a prettttttyy difficult title to take.
and THEN there’s a MCDONALDS COMMERCIAL.
I mean? For real.
But All Day Breakfast at McDonald’s is the greatest thing to ever happen in the history of the world, so once again, Ben is my favorite Bachelor ever.
also, totally not coffee talk related, but the sale ends today and I just had to share 🙂
$7 Fleece Lined Tights at Neiman Marcus Last Call.
I’m not buying much this month to save some money because I wear a giant black puffy coat over anything I’m wearing in these freezing cold anyway so who cares
but these are a necessity!!! its time for my first “why do I live here” of the year
WHY DO I FREAKING LIVE HERE!? AND ITS NOT EVEN BAD YET!?
I’m off to catch up on Girlfriends Guide to Divorce, Vanderpump Rules, and everything else…….
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.
#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.
I could not stand the way Lace talked. It's like she spoke through her teeth or something. Made me think of a character that would be on SNL. Whew.
As for Yolanda…I feel her pain so deeply. I have chronic Lyme disease as well, and have been treated badly by others around me–saying I'm not really sick, or that I'm "lucky" I can lie around all day…all that stuff. But you can easily see how sick Yolanda is. To sit there and say she's just acting sick for attention is…well…SICK.
Isn't that quote from How to lose a guy in 10 days? I only know that because I say it to annoy my husband all the time. 🙂
yes, editing post at midnight made my brain confuse the 10's 🙂 thank you!
YES! Taylor I love your blog but was surprised you mixed that up! 🙂 excellent quote usage!
I've been obsessed with the Munchausen syndrome for YEARS!!! The first I heard of it was when a mother was deliberately making her child sick so she could get the attention and have people feeling sorry for her. That's Munchausen syndrome by proxy. I read books about it. It's so crazy and so insane and I love it.
Can't wait to keep reading your recaps of the Bachelor. Definitely the best thing about January. Just watched it last night – LACE be cray. Also, I agree with Kelsey — I think it is How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days 🙂 Benny Boo Boo Boo… xx Ashley http://www.sparklesenseblog.com
yes, editing post at midnight made my brain confuse the 10's 🙂 thank you!
I heard about this woman investigating Yolanda's Chronic lime on Heather McDonald's podcast. Looks like she put a lot of time into it: https://realskepticsoftv.wordpress.com/
SORRY,
Be prepared for a rant:
I am going through what this woman has typed, and yes, it seems like she's definitely trying to debunk certain aspects of Chronic Lyme. What I've learned about people like this after having Chronic Lyme myself for over 10 years now is that if you don't have this disease, it's best to quit trying to say it doesn't exist or try to say "maybe you really have another disease," and instead TALK to the actual person. Just from my experiences alone–not counting the many people I've come across with Lyme–I can personally fire back with some comments of my own to this woman.
I know the "chronic" part of Lyme Disease can be controversial, I know that. The disease is also very complex and we still don't understand everything about it. I just hate seeing things like this where they take someone else's HEALTH and act like it's a puzzle for them to play with. Unless you are treating them, or the actual person affected, or sometimes not even then, you don't always know what's going on.
As far as the "M" word again…I think if I wanted people to feel sorry for me for being sick, I'd "choose" a disease far less controversial and more readily known. Not one that I got picked on in high school for having because "that's the one dogs get, right?"
oh goodness!!! I need to go through and read all of the stuff on that blog there are too many posts for me to scan through real quick – but yes Chelsea I'm with you all the way! Of course there are people that will say anything – but for her friends to do it especially makes me so mad. hashtag team yolanda forever.
Umm…I have not seen but two episodes of the Bachelor EVER! NEVER seen the Bachelorette! So would it you shock you that I'm not on Facebook either! Haha! Anyway, you've for sure already seen this, but just in case…I do know of a ladies group that gets together and they have Bachelor brackets like NCAA March Madness-style! Hilarious!
I've been wanting to do that with friends for so long!! Thats my kind of march madness! too funny
Longtime reader, first time commenter.
Lace is SNL's The Girl you Wish You Hadn't started a conversation with at a Party.
LINSEY!!! longtime reader first time GENIUS commenter!!!!! YOU NAILED IT. Oh my god. Amazing. God Bless You.
Anybody else is interested in getting a FREE MC DONALD'S GIFTCARD?