I didn’t get home until after 11 Monday night, so unfortunately I am still so far behind in my TV viewing.
My hugest most sincere apologies….. and you know I mean it because I’m devastated with how behind I am.  
Silver lining : so much great stuff to watch in the coming days!
I knew I needed to marathon Bach in Paradise first…..and I have avoided the internet at all costs.  
As if anything can really be spoiled with this, but still…..


:: Bach In Paradise ::
all of this was very interesting to see play out since we already knew that Nick was the next Bachelor.
Lace is just nuts.  And Grant must be more delusional for going all with all of this and being in love with her.
Amanda needs to RUN for the hills.
Why do they act like Ashley would actually lose her viriginity to Wells, whom she has known all of 15 minutes?
also….. don’t skip the Big Brother section at the end…. I have deep thoughts on love and a Big Brother and Bachelor comparison. 
Before I can even finish typing that, Wells dumps Ashley.

Duh.
I honestly don’t understand how someone can be this emotional.  I hope she is seeking therapy.
It is so mean slash funny that they make them drag their suitcases through the sand and the waves.  These producers have no shame.


Going into the fantasy suite part we have four couples :
Grant and Lace : we all know this will last about as long as it takes for Lace to drink away tomorrow’s hangover……
Josh and Ashley : this poor, sweet girl has no idea what she has gotten herself into.
Evan and Carly : NO. WORDS. I. CAN. NOT.  Is this a joke?
Nick and Jen : Okay…. I can see this….


Out of the four of these : Nick and Jen are the only ones I would be rooting for….. and seem to be the most normal and balanced of the group…… and of course, we already know this isn’t going to happen because Nick is The Bachelor.


Lace and Grant Fantasy Suite:
They walk straight into a Tattoo Parlor.
To combine their names Grant + Lace into Grace. 
YEP.  Proof it’s never working out right here.

Evan and Carly’s date is of course the worst of the entire season – smearing paint all over each other.  Although it’s better than sweating all over each other last time or record-breaking hot pepper kiss.
Carly has anxiety because this time last summer was when her boyfriend broke up with her.  Is it just me or was that a very different relationship!!?? 


Josh and Amanda are with kids for their date! Of course! Because Amanda has two daughters and Josh therefor can’t wait to have kids and loves family!
That Josh…. heart of gold on that one!!! ugh. 


Lace’s lashes are just too much.  It’s all I think about (mostly) every time she is talking.
Also, I think about how she talks as though she is heavily medicated and it’s difficult to get the words out…. but…. the lashes mostly. 
Now they are in the bedroom portion of the evening – and we know what’s going down because we already saw it ON CAMERA week one.  Lovely. 
Lace is talking to the camera about how great Grant is and that she is in love and looks like she is about to fall over or at minimum fully close her eyes and fall asleep.
Oh wait…… Grant is going to close the bedroom door from the cameras and she’s on her side with her back to us and could very likely be passed out……


Thank goodness this show is over because if I have to watch and listen to Josh make-out one more time I’m going to have to watch this show on Mute.


We kick off part two, the final finale, with Evan rapping to Carly in their white fluffy robes.
Yep.  Romantic morning up in here. 
He seems like a really nice guy, but I’m sorry.  I can’t.

Like Carrie’s post it note : I’m sorry, I can’t, don’t hate me. 
He seems like a very nice and kind guy and would probably be a great boyfriend…. but I mean…. Are we all just forgetting everything from Jojo’s season and the fact that he is an erectile dysfunction doctor and that EVERYTHING he is does is so …. not….. sexy.  He’s picking out a ring for the person who for several episodes was nauseated by kissing you.  And now she loves him like she never thought possible??? Come on!!!!! 
Jorge, WHAT Mexican drugs are you stirring up in these cocktails?? 

Grant wakes up with Lace and is suddenly unsure.
Lace is thinking “We got matching Tattoos!!!”
Lace : have you seen his body??? He will probably never see it or notice it again – the man is covered.

I feel like the real question for these guys is not : To propose or Not to propose?  It’s : free engagement ring or not?


Neil Lane is like, WTF? Nick? AGAIN? Josh? AGAIN? 


ALSO : To Amanda and Evan, how can you get engaged to someone who has never even met your children!?   I feel like that is NOT okay. 
but you know me…. no opinions…. you do you…. 


Evan proposes with “Will you freaking marry me?”
{EDITORS NOTE : ……. ME….. SHAKING HEAD….. STAHP.} 

then he says “hashtag blessed…….”
I GIVE UP.  Uh.  Best wishes, you two.  


Then Grant proposes, because he loves Lace “when she’s yelling at him, but mostly when she’s Lace”.  
Which, you know, is drunk and belligerently yelling. 

As we know, Nick breaks up with Jen because he is the next Bachelor.
I really, really, really like Jen.  A lot.  And she’s super cute with a smoking hot bod who also seems intelligent and well spoken.  Hashtag Jen for the next Bachelorette! 


And I can’t even watch Josh and Amanda he disgusts me and every word is dripping with lies! 
LIES I TELL YOU!  I don’t need to read Andi’s book to know! 
 And seriously, botox your whole bod or something to help with this sweat disorder.
Two back to back reality shows and you don’t even make a stop to see someone about this and spend some dough for that!? 

HE IS SOAKING WET. DRENCHED.  DRENCHED.  


As expected…. these guys are taking advantage of that free bling from Neil. CALLED IT. 

P.S. I miss Chad 

:: RHoNY Reunion ::
I never got to see part one just yet, I didn’t have time to watch yet but didn’t want to miss part two.
So we’ll start there and then I’ll backtrack this weekend and watch.
I seriously cannot handle Bethenny picking on Jules.
Leave her the hell alone. 
Bethenny sits there denying that she spoke about Jules eating disorder OR her marriage once. What?? She definitely DID and I agree with Jules that, I’m sorry, she must be watching a different show than the rest of us.
I LOVE how Jules has found her voice and is fighting back.  Love it. 


Bethenny is hilarious and quick witted as hell, but she is a mean, mean, mean girl who needs to lock it up and pick on people their own size (like Lu) and learn to take if if she’s going to dish it like this.
Everything Bethenny says and does this episode infuriates me.

Carole is channeling Kathryn Calhoun from Southern Charm in this heeeee-deous ensemble. 

Why is it Gone With The Wind Fabulous themed for these reunions for these two? 
It’s seriously a competition between Kathryn and Carole for the worst on this one.  

and unbelievably… I think Carole wins. 


And Bethenny did turn Carole into a mean girl this season! 
Jules age jokes are not the same thing as the bitchy comments from Bethenny and Carole.
Thank you Dorinda for clarifying that YES, you are that much older than her, you could be her mother!  And for always sticking up for her!
I love me some Dorinda! 

Oh wait, thank goodness, we’re on to Dorinda!  A break from Bethenny.
Dorinda stands by everything she has said and done – like a boss.  Preach Dorinda, PAH-Reach. 

Ramona : I have forgotten to say this EVERY week – whenever someone is getting upset and she grabs them and pulls them in to her, and is so over the top about it every time,  always reminds me of Joey as Jessica Lockhart on Friends

It’s like, putting the focus directly on her face .  It’s hilarious and I love it. 

60 seconds later….. pulling out printed out evidence and leaping off the couch. 

That is all I have energy for with these NYC ladies because they have given me a pounding heading. 
I know I missed a lot part one, and there is more to come part three, like LuAnn continuing to make an ass of herself. 

:: RHoOC ::
“Glamis” was definitely the drinking word of the night. (and last week too I feel like)


Heather’s camper van was so ridiculous.  I feel like she should feel silly, because the other camper vans were legitimately amazing.  They were so cute. 


Right when you think it can’t get worse for Megan King Edmonds and her couldn’t-care-less husband Jim, IT DOES.
He isn’t present for any of her IVF surgeries or implantation or anything, and THEN, when they get “the call” that she IS in fact pregnant, he literally has no response. No reaction.  Nothing.
SERIOUSLY???
Say what you want about Megan King Edmonds, but at the very least she seems like a nice girl.  Why the hell would she choose a twice divorced used up baseball player that is “famous” to those hailing from St. Louis.
My mind is just seriously blown with everything involving this man.  He repulses me.  Not only is he an awful husband to her (sorry – cameras can’t make up lies for three seasons now) but he’s clearly going to be just as amazing of a father.


The accident was scary – less scary because we all knew already that they were fine – but the slow motion shots of them in the back and the helmet flying out were very scary.
Thank goodness they all were alright! I’m sure it could have been much worse. 

So : the question is : Do we think Megan needed to go see Vicki in the hospital?
I felt like she did….. it certainly would have made her come off with some heart if she just stopped in and brought her a casserole if only because taking a helicopter to the hospital makes it seem very serious and then she was there all alone. 
And none of the other girls could go because they were three hours away.  
But then the more I think about it, I feel like she didn’t need to?  
I feel like if it had been anyone else – literally anyone – Megan would have gone….. and should have…… but maybe it’s just because it’s Vicki that I’m thinking “ehhh… I feel like it’s okay she didn’t go.”
It seemed like Vicki was fine, Megan was told in the phone call that Vicki was fine, and let’s face it, Vicki and her are not friends.
 I’m not saying Vicki wasn’t actually injured….. BUT…..we all know the woman will do ANYTHING, like, fake cancer for example, for a damn CASSEROLE.
so.
just saying.
also, the more dangerous thing vicki did was sprint across the dunes at night in the dark where ATV’s are flying all over the place.  seriously??!!?? 


:: Lance Bass Bachelor show: Finding Prince Charming :: 
In case you were sad that bachelor in paradise was over and that we had to wait some time before The Bachelor begins, wait no longer! 

Lance Bass’ show premieres tonight (I think on Logo?) with a gay male suitor and all of his potential husbands.  I think it’s going to be amazing!! 
What if the contestants in the house fall in love with each other instead of the suitor? 


:: Below Deck ::
The new season premiered this week
We have some old peeps, like Chef Ben and Head Stew Kate (and Kelley, but I wish it was his cute Texas sister instead if I’m being honest), and of course some fresh meat
Clearly Trevor, the senior deck hand is the one to focus on.

He was laying in bed picking his nose….. AND ATE IT.
but he was a hair model for Paul Mitchell so it’s totally fine. 


:: Big Brother :: 
oh-em-gee it is soon good when it’s gets down to the end and everyone likes each other and they have to start picking them off.  It’s just so good.
Who would have thought the two that I couldn’t stand week one because they were BFF with Josea would be who I’m gunning for most – Victor + Paul.
I love Natalie + James too, but in the end, Victor and Paul have earned it more I think.


:: Big Brother and Bachelor/ette :: 
For those of you who don’t watch Big Brother, here is the premise : People are stuck in a house for around 3 months give or take, with no TV, books, pens, ANYTHING except staring around and talking with each other.
During the summer, usually there is a “show-mance” or two and romance with blossom between some of the contestants. 
These people spend every single solitary moment together, and go through extreme stress, competitions, time without family, etc.
THESE PEOPLE – after all that – usually don’t say I love you (occasionally do) and never do they walk out of situations engaged. After not ONE moment in a different house from their significant other, they still are intelligent enough to realize it isn’t reality and it would be silly to act like this is the rest of your life.  And even if it is, wait a month or two and THEN you can commit to the rest of your lives – what’s the rush?
And the percentage of couples that leave and stay together by going this slow route is higher than Bach (Jordan and Jeff obviously being the best of all)


HASHTAG DEEP COFFEE TALK THOUGHTS ON LOVE AND LIFE.