discuss amongst ya-selves……
:: BACHELOR ::
The Corinne shows continues!
We start with the rose ceremony that didn’t happen last week.
Corinne is drunk (come to think of it, she always seems drunk. I can’t tell when she is and isn’t drunk?)
and she takes off her dress and starts putting on a trench coat.
….. and then has Nick lick whipped cream off of her.
Seriously. This happened.
And it would be one thing if she just tried it and Nick shut her down, but Nick FULLY participates. WTF? This guy is a scum bag.
Then she goes upstairs and goes to bed, snoring. Before the rose ceremony.
Nick sends 3 more blondes packing…. he’s really not into blondes
(Corinne is the exception… for now… for other reasons clearly).
GROUP DATE:
They get to meet the Backstreet Boys (!!!) and dance on stage with them.
In all honesty, if I were a girl on this show I would be ecstatic.
I would think “Even though
There is not one thing sexy about him. This walk onto the stage was perfect Exhibit 492 of that.
and Nick puts Ben Higgins and his skinny jeans to shame with all of this horrible hipster attire.
I think I’m really liking Danielle, the one with the killer rack that Nick loves, who won the best dancer award and the one-on-one serenade from BSB. Plus, she’s like, really pretty.
We then get to the nighttime portion of the date.
After Corinne’s nap, she tells everyone about her nanny Raquel.
This is the highlight of the episode.
Of course this is unbelievable so the girls assume she must be a mother and the nanny is for her kid(s).
“Do you have kids?”
“No.”
I mean, who else is going to cut her vegetables!? Come on!?
But you know what? “It makes her happy, and (she) isn’t going to deprive the woman of her happiness.”
I think she is officially the greatest “villain” to ever be on this show.
She has provided more in 2 episodes than we get in full seasons from the crazy girls. And that includes Bachelor in Paradise and Lunatic-Lace, which is really saying something.
One on One Date :
Vanessa gets such a cool date – they go up in an airplane and get to do an astronaut/zero gravity thing.
Nauseating, but amazing.
Again, these dates are SO much better than the dates of the past.
Vanessa pukes her brains out after being up in the air,
and then looks GORGEOUS in her commentary.
Nick, who has said nothing and has zero emotion this season, and has no problem holding breasts and licking whipped cream off of a girl in front of 15 others, CRIES and says Vanessa makes him feel optimistic.
Bull. Shit. (to be read slowly like Matthew McConnahey when he says bull. shit. momma. in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days)
RUN VANESSA. RUN LIKE THE WIND.
Another Group Date:
Somehow Astrid won the one-on-one time.
Wonder how.
Just kidding she really did win a race, but something tells me this situation helped immensely.
Crazy-Eyes doesn’t hide his affinity for a large chest.
Speaking of chests, instead of a cocktail party before the rose ceremony, they put the girls in their ‘kinis!
We have seen more skin this season than ever. (maybe not beating Bachelor Pad this time…. yet….)
Corinne is thrilled to take the layers off, and then steps it up by taking him to bouncy house and straddling him.
(she needs naps, her idea of a surprise is to make Nick feel special with a bouncy house….. I mean….. she really does seem to require a Nanny. She probably doesn’t use real scissors and instead uses the child-safety ones).
The girls see yet another moment of Nick being gross and crossing a line in front of them.
FINALLY the girls are going to start standing up for themselves and saying “Listen loser, if you’re just here to d*ck around, I’m leaving. Corinne and you can live happily ever after.”
Those maybe aren’t their exact words per se; I’m just paraphrasing for ya.
annnnnnnd with Nick in the hot seat, we get a
to be continued……
:: BEACHES, Lifetime Edition ::
If I hear or see the commercial for Beaches one more time I am going to lose my mind.
They are never ending.
Idina: Do not sing that “I can fly higher than an eagle” in that nasally voice as though you are Bette Midler. You are not Bette Midler.
I’m sorry
:: VANDERPUMP RULES ::
There is so much discussion of this “d*ck pic” that if I ever hear those two words again it’ll be too soon.
Well… in general I think no one wants to hear those words, but you know what I mean.
Leave it to the Vanderpump Rules kids to really take it to a whole new level.
editors note: my-boyfriend-andy-cohen counted how many times they said it and it was something insane like 27 times.
It is Katie’s bridal shower.
Katie is the meanest of the mean, so I hate to say this, but that Taco Bell tower was GENIUS.
I need to go back in time and have a McDonald’s display at my bridal shower. Damn!
Britney’s mom is in town visiting and clearly is on mind-altering-medication because she is completely oblivious to the disgusting (sorry not sorry, he is) human being her daughter is dating.
She asks if they have found a church to join and I’m thinking… Oh sweet Lord, you have NO idea.
I can’t even think about Jax without this happening:
Truly. It is my physical response to him.
I probably shouldn’t share this….. SO I WILL!
When they were saying “d*ck pic” 27 times about his penis, I couldn’t help but picture a syphillis/crabs/chlamydia whatever it is covered thing that they showed you in sex-ed when you were younger.
If anyone is going to have that, IT’S HIM.
I NEED TO KNOW WHO LALA’S BOYFRIEND IS.
It’s killing me.
Y’all tend to be my best source of information so, please, if you know anything, I’m begging you.
I promise I won’t post anything online about it, but I NEED TO KNOW.
also, am I the only one who wouldn’t have known what an “NDA” was if it wasn’t used in context? I knew what it stood for because of the conversation, but if someone said “What is NDA” I would have no clue and these LA people just throw it around like their lawyers.
but maybe I’m the only moron that thinks people say “non-disclosure agreement”
and maybe I should have deleted this whole paragraph because really, who cares?
Ariana and Tom were on WWHL.
I think she is such a gorgeous girl, but seriously what is that rat-tail braid extension that goes down to your ankle that you have in your hair?
I couldn’t even find the bottom of it…. it was on the floor somewhere.
When Ariana’s hair is what I’m concerned about, and not Tom’s flat-ironed with blonde bleached tips only the right hand side of his head, there is a problem.
:: RH OF BEVERLY HILLS ::
Every scene with Dorit and PK is the same.
They are in the kitchen, with a nanny, getting a child to eat food.
Then they go up to the bedroom to get ready for something where she puts on a new outfit, and they discuss the same thing over and over.
The first scene with Dorit, she says to PK
“So you know this whole Erika panty thing……. ”
I.CAN.NOT.
PK is repulsive and his behavior and choice of words about all of this is not okay.
I can’t discuss anymore.
so, I’m moving on……
and of course they showed up on the apprentice this week with boy george. get off my TV PK!
How much advertising in The Agency going to get?
Last week it’s Agency hats and visiting him at The Agency for lunch.
This week we’re going to see their huge property listing in Malibu.
I like Mauricio, and I love seeing the houses – especially one as insane as this one – but that is what Million Dollar Listing and your cameos on that is all about!
Save it for the British boys and let’s keep this focused on the ladies.
I have had enough husband air time with PK!! it’s as though he’s the 7th housewife I can’t handle it anymore!!
Proof that children growing up with that much wealth and accessibility to everything have completely different brains that the rest of us: Portia, Kyle and Mauricio’s 6 year old daughter.
“If Portia gets a yacht, she has already has her name picked out!”
“Rosé you say”
I mean…. discussing yachts AND rosé …. isn’t that we all did growing up?
Lisa Rinna and new-housewife Eden Sassoon meet up to gossip.
It goes straight to Kim talk.
Rinna, why are you saying you think she’s “mostly sober but not completely sober”
What? How the hell would you know?!
I don’t care for Kim at all, but it’s just so out of line.
Also, can we just stop talking about Kim in general because I am SO over her being a character on this show.
Then Rinna tells us in her confessional the definition of an enabler.
OH. That’s what that means? Thanks Rinna. We had NO idea what an enabler was.
She continues the baseless trash talk…..
Kim’s close to death? Kyle’s an enabler?
SHUTTTTT. UPPPPP.
Just because Eden was an addict and they both have lost siblings to addiction doesn’t mean you have a right to sit there and talk about it.
Plus, like I said, Im just SO over Kim as a part of this show.
So. Can we not? MMmmkk thanks.
Eden is turning out to be super strange.
She says she “doesn’t get love” from Kyle the moment she meets her.
Um. You just walked in and made eye contact for the first time! You’ve known her for 2 seconds. Is she supposed to hump you and act like she wants to be a lesbian with you the way Dorit did in order for you to “feel the love”?
Simmer down!
Then she goes to lunch with Kyle and starts asking her THE MOST personal questions you could ask anyone about their family.
STAHP. IT. My skin was crawling.
It was so, so, so inappropriate.
We get it Eden. You’re into “energy”.
But lock it up.
Eden continues, discussing Kim, who she also has known for 2 seconds and met once.
“I feel sad. I feel pain.”
“I feel sad. I feel pain.”
I would have been like ummmmmm righhhhttt this is all really hard and difficult for YOU, Eden. I’m sorry.
I truly want to rant about this for a full paragraph but I’ll hold back; if I were Kyle I would have lost ma-damn mind.
editors note : I want the mirror in Kyle’s hallway outside her bedroom.
Kyle and Erika go to Greece and I am so jealous and want to be there.
Dorit meets with Erika and RInna to once again, for the 17th time (??) hash things out, and I swear it better be over.
UGH previews for next week we’re back to Boy George and him and PK being a huge role.
Nothing against Boy George…. but I’m over him and PK being supporting roles in Dorit’s scenes.
:: TOP CHEF ::
Tonight is…..
RESTAURANT WARS!
I am giddy. I hope you all are too.
:: NASHVILLE ::
I meant to comment on this last week.
I watched the premiere episode(s) when they did the 2 hour thing to kick off the new season…. and I can proudly say that I am saying NO.
No means No!
I am walking away. It’s still that bad. Like a bad boyfriend, it is not worth my time and energy when it doesn’t fulfill me the way so many other (great TV shows) can. So I’m going to take my energy and attention to networks and shows that really deserve it 🙂
seriously… slow clap for me. I’m not a quitter (of television).
Also, saw this in my gif archive and just wanted to share again because I loved it.
do we think she’ll be back?
because if Dorit is teaching me one thing, its that even though the popular opinion from everyone is she is HORRIBLE, she sure is giving the show some stuff to work with.
and Kelly Dodd gave the OC plenty to work with this past season…..
EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.
#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.
gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Real Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo
US Weekly, Entertainment Weekly , YahooTV
Love your blog, especially Coffee Talk. Thank you for making me laugh every day. I feel you are a kindred spirit that loves tv just as much as I do! You have got to pick up the latest edition of US magazine where they talk about some of the girls on The Bachelor… not sure if you will like Danielle anymore…
Thank you so much!! Oh my gosh I cant wait to read it thanks for the heads up; no surprise there is some hidden dirt…. I feel like there's always something!
You make me laugh! And I swear you are inside my head! Haha all the same thoughts and feels! I love that you enjoy tv as much as me!
Thanks so much Robin!!
Another fan of the blog here 🙂 All the way from Australia! Do you listen to the podcast Watch what crappens? I think you'd love it!
Thanks Izzy!! I do but not always! I used to listen while I went on walks and loved it – I need to get back into it thanks for the reminder!
Love your posts as always! Word on the street is that Lala's boyfriend is Randall Emmet. He's a movie producer and married to an actress! Makes sense since she just landed that role on a Nicolas Cage movie. He's one of the producers.
Thank you!! And thank you so much for this scoop – just googled and this sounds similar to what I had heard in a podcast (but without a name) so I think you're right!!
That would line up with this! https://twitter.com/kristendoute/status/821578294805962753
Love your weekly Coffee Talks.
Kate Casey who does the podcast Reality Life with Kate Casey knows who LaLa's married boyfriend is and has said that if anyone wants to know they can DM her via Instagram and she will tell them.
Thanks Cher!! I heard that episode and had forgotten she said she would share!! I think I need to DM her ASAP. Thanks for the reminder and the kind words 🙂
Coffee Talks are my favorite!!!
PK and Dorit– UGHGHGHG I want to just slam my head on a desk at her "accent" do you think she trained herself to talk like that?!? It isn't normal
Thanks so much! And literally what you just said is what I want to do too…. I make loud sighs and yell things at my TV when she and PK are on it. I hate even typing PK because I hear her voice saying it when I type it…. which is also not normal.
Love your Coffee Talk posts! Are you watching Summer House? If so, I would love to know your thoughts. I feel like it has so much potential and is falling kind of flat.
Thanks Molly! Yes, I am and I completely forgot to talk about it this week!! I agree with what you send – I think it could be a lot better than it is, but I am loving it. I really like the twins and even though the guys are kind of douchey, everyone seems nice. Its refreshing (versus vanderpump) to have intelligent people who work and actually seem like nice people (which Im sure the show will prove to be otherwise…. but I think the twins really do seem nice!) And I laughed a lot this week, Kyle was surprisingly funny!
This is a late comment, but every time I hear the word master said a certain way, I hear Kelly Dodd. Thank you for using this gif as much as possible 🙂