discuss amongst ya-selves…….. 

:: RHONY Trailer ::
I’m sure at this point you have seen the trailer for the upcoming season 9, but if not, allow me to introduce you to the mayhem coming soon to a screen near you:

and, of course, I am very excited for any new season of any show on Bravo.
I really need my Sonja fix.

and my weekly dose of Dorinda.

:: The Bachelor ::
We went from half an episode last week to 3 hours this week.  But we are finally down to only one more week of Nick – PRAISE THE LORD. We start this week waking up from Nick + Raven’s overnight.  We are immediately met with a montage of Raven skipping around town after their overnight date….

implying the night before fulfilled her premonition that (to be read in Raven’s strong accent) “tonight’s the night!” and her oversharing from last week. UGH.  Raven stop! Please! 

Then we have Vanessa and Nick’s overnight date and she grills him with questions and concerns while Nick continues a season of mumbling incoherently and managing to go week after week without really saying anything.  In the morning they are practically canoodling naked. I mean, really, are they? Does she have clothes on? Because it doesn’t look like it! Put a tank top on, did you not know that was the appropriate thing to do when cameras and producers and a bunch of people come in the room? What is your family that you are so concerned about going to think about this!?  What will they say about this at the next mandatory Sunday brunch?!

A lot more happened…. but it was just a lot of the girls pointing fingers and talking over one another and blah blah.  IS IT OVER YET?! ONE MORE WEEK HALLELUJAH CHEERS PAH-REACH!

:: Vanderpump Rules :: 
Thank you to reader Margo for sending me a secret message in instagram that I now know how to find (look at me, learning technology months later!) of the tank tops from the Bachelor/Bachelorette party.

Tom Sandoval’s said “Straight” in quotation marks – that was the one I couldn’t remember and could not believe I was seeing. I mean…. Tom….. every week you add something to the list……

Kristin having an emotional support dog is a perfect example of me being so annoyed at airports with all of the dogs that do not need to be on airplanes. and I’m a dog person.  but the therapy dog thing is out of control. I have a lot more to rant about on the subject, but I’ll give you a small gift and stop my personal rant there.  

Lisa is very hesitant to officiate the ceremony for Tom and Katie.  I can’t imagine why, especially after this interesting way of asking her

…. but the other options are limited. As Schwartz so eloquently states ” having Jax officiate would be like Lucifer performing a baptism.”

I thought Stassi’s date was adorable, nice, seemed smart and hard working, and picked a great restaurant for date #1. How does he not even deserve a date #2?!  LA girls – snatch him up!!!

The things being said between Katie and Tom about their marriage two weeks before their wedding (and everything said this whole season) are totally normal and not concerning in the least.
Tom: “In the past I’ve always wavered in my confidence about our marriage.  But in the past couple days it’s been great!”
Oh! Well there ya go! A couple days! Call Lisa up and let’s get this show on the road. 
These photo shoots for SUR are such a crock (this weeks winner of crock of the week!?) and two blatant examples today:
1. Jax says that Stassi and Kristin, from the photo shoot years + years ago, are still on the restaurant website. And I of course then went to the website, and the opening image is in fact an extremely young Kristin and Peter, and an extremely young LVP.  Like, these photos must be at least 7 years old at a minimum.
2. Tom Schwartz is in every single one of thes photos at todays shoot, who has never worked at Sur once.

:: RHOBH ::
Unfortunately, I haven’t seen all of this weeks episode yet.  The horror!
BUT I did finally get my hands on a gif of the best line from last week.

Brief Commentary while I watch before bed:
Kyle’s hair + outfit for this Fat Jewish party at her store is not her best moment.
I am one of those people that laugh way too hysterically when people fall, and the added sound effects + replay in black and white of Dorit falling out of the car really got me.
Eden’s outfit is worse.
If Kyle isn’t wearing THE AGENCY hat, apparently Mauricio is.
Someone at ALL TIMES promoting THE AGENCY.

:: Summer House :: 
The size of the bottle of Rose at this house party is absolutely insane.  And watching drunk Kyle pour it down people’s throats -slash- pour it all over their faces is hilarious. #ILoveKyle.
I tried my damndest to find a gif of it…. but these Summer House gifs + pics are hard to come by……. 
I am so over Christina with no H and Lindsay. Both of them are equally annoying. Christina with no H is annoying in general as a person, and Lindsay is with everything involving EV-RETT.  EV-RETT.   For example, her storming out of the restaurant at the end of the last episode screaming at EV-RETT that she was going to go sleep in someones bed, and then starting this weeks episode with her walking back in the restaurant moments later giggling with EV-RETT.

 I retract my previous statement of equal annoyance based off of what has transgressed in the last 15 minutes of me typing and watching. Christina with no H announces to the room that she accepted a new job; everyone cheers for her.  When EV-RETT says that Lindsay got a new restaurant client on board this week, Christina with no H so painfully awkwardly says “well I ate there and I told him you were my roommate. And I said nice things about you. Still. so. yeah.” WHAT? She says all of it in the same bitchy know-it-all way with angry undertones she has said everything with, and also says it with the stone faced lockjaw of Eden Sassoon. I do really appreciate her facial expressions of disgust though.

Kyle with this 23 year old he met wasted and didn’t remember is hilarious.  While nothing seemed alarming at the brunch date, when she shows up at the house for dinner it’s all over.  She used up all of her “just try to seem sane” energy at brunch.  Luckily he was sober enough to be smart for once and kicked her to the curb.  I still hashtag love Kyle. 

:: SOUTHERN CHARM ::
The new season does not start until April 3rd, but they replayed the entire last season this week with a new 30 minute special of “How They Got There” and guess what yours truly did?  Taped the entire season to re-watch again over the next 3 weeks to really prepare myself.  I do it all for you.  For Coffee Talk.  It’s all research.  And I am very excited.  I watched the first episode while writing this post, where we are introduced to #HashtagNewCraig at he and Naomi’s house Naomi’s parents beautiful Charleston home where pregnant Kathryn and black-eyed-Thomas pretend they are not having their second child together by blatantly ignoring each other and then arguing about Kenzie’s bedroom being painted purple PERIWINKLE …. because guess who is in a purple PERIWINKLE dress!? That’s right. LANDON. So where did he get purple PERIWINKLE from, because he and his decorator had decided on pink?  Oh…. and the whole episode began with the preview of Thomas’ Dinner Party From Hell.  I MEAN.  The greatness of re-watching a 5 Star Emmy Award Winning (in my mind) show should not be underestimated.  Just this ONE episode brought me back so much joy.  I can’t wait to treat myself to one episode at a time of this television greatness.  I feel like I need to recap the whole episode now….. you know that is me doing a SUPER short summary of all of episode one’s greatness.  I am so excited to re-watch things I have already seen, and then I remember there is a new season and I am just overwhelmed with feelings.
#blessed and #grateful.

:: BEN AND JEN :: 
They have called off the divorce? What does this mean? What do we think? love her. And her Capital One Commercials.  And her cooking with Ina that one Ina Garten episode.  And her in Valentine’s Day and 13 Going on 30 and EVERYTHING.

:: MAZEL :: 
and speaking of Ben Affleck exes, Gwyneth continues to give us Ab Envy. 
While I definitely will not be participating in some of her vaginal therapies (seriously. placing jade eggs inside and vaginal steaming) or any 8 day goats milk cleanses, I do love her cookbooks and share her love for Tracy Anderson.

:: JACKHOLE ::
Jackhole goes to me because for the life of me I cannot figure out how to make the editors note below small text like it has been for years.  So…. for now it’s really IN YOUR FACE instead of subtle like it’s supposed to be.