DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES……

:: NEXT WEEK ::
Next week is the premiere week of some truly amazing television.
But none of it matters….. except for one :
THE RETURN OF WILL AND GRACE.
NEXT THURSDAY.
IN THEIR ORIGINAL TIME SLOT.
In the words of Jack McFarland

OHH…. MYYY…. GAAHHHHH.
I feel like next week I should just do a Coffee Talk of Will & Grace gif’s…..
I feel like I should cancel work and just have a party or something!?
Who wants to come over!?

:: REAL HOUSEWIVES OF DALLAS :: 

I really want to hear a full speech from LeeAnne, just to hear what it’s really like.  And see her facials. I’ve got to take in the full experience.  Anyone know where a recent full recording of Ms. LeeAnne Locken would be? LeeAnne is back at her motivational speaking and a few of the ladies came to watch. LeeAnne waves, walks off stage, and mere moments later is talking shite about Cary.  How inspriring and motivational! I love D’Andra continually calls her out: you can’t talk crap about people the same time as giving a motivational speech.  Maybe this is why you aren’t good as an adult at making friends?

Brandi’s kids are just absolutely insane.  How on earth can she think she can handle another? I have no idea how she survives each day! Certainly no thanks to Brian!

I love that LeeAnne is at the carnival and knows how to win EVERY game.
This is pure gold – I have never loved LeeAnne more.  It’s incredible.
And I must say, I never saw this proposal coming!

I cannot believe that Mark is this hands off as a dad and this big of an ass of a husband and fine displaying it on TV. It always scares me to think that if people are like this in front of cameras, how much worse are they behind closed doors?! He seems like someone that really cares about appearances, and he’s is looking AWFUL, but maybe his concern only extends to fashion.

He is as bad as Cary’s daughter Zuri (why can’t people pick normal names?) with whining.  And for him to constantly criticize her for spending time with her daughter…. um, WHAT? I can see why Cary, Brandi, and Stephanie are a 3-some –> they all are sick to death of their awful husbands and rightfully so.

It’s time for the ladies to arrive at D’Andra’s Honest Tea.
side note : I will never, ever get over D’Andra’s house.  I mean……. 

Kameron discusses what is acceptable for a Tea Party and Brandi comes in wearing the opposite in a dress displaying full rack of boobs, above the knee, and in a stretch white limo.
I love it.
As Kameron is insulting in her diary room commentary, Brandi is being nice and giving her a gift.

I don’t know why Kameron can’t just graciously accept the sparkly pink gift bag (and Jack Daniels – bet you anything Kameron won’t touch Jack with a ten foot pole) and move on.  Brandi didn’t need to do that and went out of her way to apologize and show she cared. Brandi isn’t concerned; she why Kameron’s the way she is….
“She needs to get laid, I bet she’s too tall.”  Ha!

D’Andra is an idiot naive for thinking this could go a certain way, and for thinking there would be peace at this Honest Tea. But I’m loving her shutting down the Crazy Carnie, so she can do wrong this episode.

Many things (and curse words, depsite D’Andra having a judges gavel)  are said : LeeAnne confronts Brandi about not being allowed in her home, Cary tells LeeAnne her plastic surgeon may be “triple board ceritified” but perhaps a vajajay doctor shouldn’t be operating on your face (uh, YATHINK?!), there are more discussions of Mark being gay (can this stick with Eddie or Mark and not both, it’s like back to back same story lines on Housewives!) and then the C-word comes out of Ms. Motivational Speak LeeAnne’s mouth and D’Andra loses all control of this Honest Tea.
I love when women I’m supposed to aspire to be like call their peers See You Next Tuesday’s, don’t you? I meannnnnnn she seriously cannot control herself. It’s nuts. 

…. we end with LeeAnne discussing her sad childhood again, I start cracking up because I think we all can recite the story and it’s just hilarious at this point how she just starts going into it over and over again to deflect from whatever is going on, and D’Andra literally not allowing it. I’m sorry D’Andra is the best thing to ever happen to LeeAnne.

:: REAL HOUSEWIVES OF OC :: 

The theme of this episode was boobs, so I was on board from minute one.  I had hoped it was a sign that it would be the best episode of the season (still… not saying much).

editors note : the only time my husband has noticed anything I’m
doing on my computer in months was glancing over and seeing this photo.

Kelly Dodd is going to be getting a breast reduction. She has had a lift (I think?) and implants to a size G.  But I think everyone knows her knockers are the biggest in OC Housewife history,
and her blue reunion dress last season proved it.
Kelly has her husband Michael (aka “Hitler” as she refers to him, not sarcastically) make a cast of her boobs out on the patio facing the beach for the world to see (and when there’s a camera crew and producers out on your deck, I’m sure that even less people notice what is going on, right?) . Seriously, why was this not done in the bathroom or something? Her husband was, like, really getting in there.  It was….. a lot.  Her neighbor was outside on the porch during part of it! Although that’s probably one of the least offensive things the neighbor has witnessed from these two.

Tamra gets wind that Vicky was once again spreading Gay-Eddie rumors and this time with Tamra’s former Man-Of-Honor, Ricky. Can we please retire this story line? For the love of gawd!
also, just so Ricky isn’t getting the satisfaction he clearly wants by being talked about?
also, Ricky, the fight is from not being invited to her Baptism? Trust me…. you missed nothing.
Vicki’s defense is that she isn’t spreading it, she was just talking about it.  You know, similar to “If I said someone got into a car accident it doesn’t mean I caused the car accident.”
What? Am I drunk? How does that even…… whatever who cares.

I’m happy Shannon has the restaurant to focus on (and thought the logo’s and brand designs all looked really cute – having it be with lemons especially!) but methinks she is using this as a big distraction from the real issues.  She is saying long before David and the Affair, she wanted this restaurant and goes on and on and on.  It’s called something to distract you but sure, let’s go with it.

We arrive at the “volleyball” party, although it really just a party to celebrate Kelly’s breast reduction.  I guess one last game of volleyball to feel the weight of her boobs and how uncomfortable jumping is??  Meghan was not invited, and pretends not to care, but with how much Meghan has been meddling this season and how he hormones are making her start screaming and crying at Lydia when they are on walks, ya know she cares.

I am living for these weekly highlights of Vicki’s outfits.  This week : some kind of awkward legging with ties.

I really don’t understand what Steve sees in Vicki (obviously) but more so because he tries to talk rationally to her about 7 times this episode.  Steve, who the hell do you think you are dating? Have you ever GOOGLED your girlfriend? Him calling her out on being consumed by Tamra after Vicki acts like she never thinks about her is hi-larious.

Of course, the whole party has to be about Lydia the “friend whisperer” getting Vicki and Tamra back together.  Vicki goes nuts, Tamra fake cries for the 4th time this episode, and then VIcki denies ever lying about anything. Ever. The fact that she can STILL deny ever lying about cancer (cue the tape) is beyond me and makes me insane.  Vicki “is not a lair. (She’s) on an ethics committee.  (She) doesn’t lie.” I really laugh at how she thinks she is defending herself. But at the end of the day, Vicki and Tamra deserve each other : they are both horrible people, so they might as well make up and be friends again.

Soon, Shannon joins.  Then Lydia.  Then Peggy.   Then yelling and separating.

Shannon, who made a point of saying to Vicki that she doesn’t affect her (after Vicki makes a point of bringing up that David beat’s her again), talks about how 35 pounds later it’s all because of Vicki.  Does she not affect you Shannon or are ya blaming it all on her? Pick a lane.  Shannon doesn’t want to make it about her, but immediately makes it about her. Lydia, unfortunately correctly, points out – doesn’t Shannon always make it about her?  And in case you’re a little on the fence about it, Shannon soon makes it about her when she won’t let a silly Peggy comment go.  And then, she even makes a boob job comment all about her and a huge ending to the party all about her with a crying hissy fit.   Good.  Gawd.

She is A MESS. I feel for her, but seriously, LOCK IT UP.  I believe she didn’t mean anything about Lydia and was unaware, but can you just spend one event not flipping out?! Just remain impartial and stay out of everyones shite?!

I’m guessing that Shannon is probably pretty upset after seeing this episode air because her BFF Tamra throws her under the bus about 7 times.  Saying she calls her 25 times a day, high maintenance, and not running to save her during everything that goes on later at Kelly’s house.

Shannon heals all by going to the bartender for some vodka and venting about her life to either 1) the bartender who isn’t listening or 2) just drinking and talking out loud to herself.  Either way, it was a great ending!

:: Kim Richards and Kingsley ::

I’m sure we all remember Kim and her terrifying dog Kingsley (and the dog trainer that nearly lost a limb when attempting to train him).  She doesn’t have the dog anymore, but is still paying for him – $59,000 in fact

:: Emmy’s :: 
I’m still laughing at this clip of Nicole Kidman trying to steal the Emmy out of Reese’s hands

:: Kevin Hart :: 
This Kevin Hart stuff is nuts.
…. however….. I will say that if you are the mistress that has the affair with a married man,
why do you think he won’t turn around and do the same thing to you?
????? Will never understand it.

:: Ben Affleck :: 
Speaking of cheaters…..

Ben Affleck went public with his girlfriend at The Emmy’s, also known as the long time girl he was cheating with.  And then right after, Jen Garner is there by his side for the sake of the family.

She is an angel.  And WOAH doe he look awful lately.

:: Scott Disick ::
Fresh off a psychiatric hold, Scott is shacking up with Nicole Richie’s little sister.

It just makes me think of how back in the day Kim was the assistant to Paris Hilton when Nicole and Paris were the stars of the reality world, and wondering what Nicole thinks of the whole thing?!
also, makes me just think EW.

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK :: 

Josh from Million Dollar Listing LA got married last weekend.  It was a star studded Bravo affair.

and I’ve seen some pretty amazing chuppahs at my friends wedding,
but wow – that full flowered dome is pretty insane.

:: JACKHOLE OF THE WEEK ::
How did I never know this?!

My-boyfriend-andy-cohen had Dateline reporter Keith Morrison on this week and revealed that he is Matthew Perry’s stepdad since the 80’s!!!
He also had Keith Morrison just read a bunch of garbage in his voice and it was ah-mazing.

:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snaochats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.