DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES……

:: Bachelor in Paradise :: 

I’m trying really hard to be into this…. because in seasons past it has been hands down the best sheyite show of summer…. but I must be losing my edge or something because every week I FORGET that I have to watch this TWO nights in a row and I am devastated that there is MORE coming at me on Tuesday when I finish watching Monday.

another week, another complaint from me about ABC taking up all my damn TV time.

Is it that the people are just not at all as enjoyable as seasons past? Is it the losers with the bad “nicknames” that are Rachel’s rejects that are ruining it? What is it?! Or are we all just thrown off from the hiatus? Because with the hiatus they got 10 days together off camera, so everything is all sort of a bunch of nonsense?
How many questions can I ask about this? And really, who cares? 

The Dean + Kristina + D.Lo love triangle continues.
Dean’s excuse for making out with D. Lo in front of Kristina is “I didn’t know you were there….I would never blatantly disrespect you.” So seeing it is what is wrong? Not the act of doing it?
And leading her on the whole show and everything you’ve done everyday so far isn’t blatant disrespect?

Every time one of Rachel’s Cast-Off’s enters Paradise it gets worse and worse.

Now it’s the guy that argued with Whaboom.  Ughhh.  Seeing them all back to back makes you really realize what slim pickin’s Rachel had (and why she never should have sent home Peter! Peter was the clear hottie!)

No one wants to go on a date with Blake.  Kristina even takes it so far as to say “When I was in the orphanage all I wanted was to get picked….”  I mean really?! We are comparing Blake picking you for a date to the orphanage? Yikes.

Jack Stone is accused of being a bad kisser, but somehow this ends up being the best thing that ever happened to him.  All the girls want to know, so he gets the time of his life making out with everyone in sight, and they all declare him a great kisser.
seriously….. these girls!?! 

Scallop fingers learns about being called Scallop Fingers and is understandably very confused.  As you know, I find the Scallop Shenanigans mean and hurtful, but somehow it leads to 3 men fighting over her and therefore 3 awkward make outs…..
these peoples tongues! they are EVERYWHERE! Practically up nostrils or something

Kristina finally comes to her senses about Dean (slash Dean picks D. Lo) and decides to go home, and gets into a fight with Raven somehow in the process.  Raven is just trying to talk some sense into her that she needs to be blaming DEAN not the “Other Woman” but Kristina is having nothing to do with it.
Dean has lost all of America’s love and has no idea the sheyite storm he has created by playing games with the beloved Russian Orphan.

If it were time for Bachelorette and not Bachelor,  I think Kristina would be a shoe-in at this point.  and at this point, who knows what they will do, because I saw this on instagram and if this is true I will lose my mind.

Ben Z also decides to leave…. he missed his dog. Thank Gawd that story line is over.

The twins come in for night two, and the only redeeming factor of all of this is them basically trashing everyone and then no one wanting to go on a date with them.

They wanted Dean and Derek, who are coupled up, but seriously Dean came THIS CLOSE to saying yes.  It took him half the episode to say no, and it was only because he had gone through A LOT the last 24 hours saying no to Kristina and picking D.Lo.  Poor Dean…. what a rough go of it he thinks he’s having in paradise! Little does he know what life will be like when this airs!
The twins are rightfully pissed because they realize that everyone on this beach is a loser…. even by Bachelor standards.  They don’t have two brain cells between the two of them and they are smart enough to recognize some bad seeds when they see them.  They basically say “I’m not touching tickle monster, a serial killer, a penguin, or whoever the hell else is on this beach with a 10 foot pole. This sucks. We’re out.”

I paraphrased, but really, that’s pretty much it.

UPDATE  :: THE NEW BACHELOR IS ANNOUNCED

:: Big Brother :: 
I’m sorry I haven’t shared my BB thoughts lately!
Truly if Paul does not win this game I will be shocked (although he didn’t win last season….)
He is playing THE BEST game ever.  It’s unreal what he has been able to do, when he had the biggest target on his back from the second he walked in there.
This game always amazes me – and my opinions change about people as the season goes on.  I couldn’t stand Paul last season at the beginning (remember he had joined with the ‘Messiah’ guy right off the bat?) but then I grew to love him.  This season I did not like Josh at all in the beginning, and now I love Josh and his pan banging antics.

Oh, and Raven is just weird. Very weird. And annoying.
But thank GAWD this guy is out.

:: RHOC ::

We ended last week with what seemed like peace between Shannon and Kelly.  Well, the love fest between Kelly and Shannon is going to be short lived, because 3 minutes into the episode Kelly says that she caught Shannon trying to record their conversation on her cell phone.

Kelly tells Meghan King Edmonds about it and Meghan immediately calls Shannon to tell her.  Shannon denies all wrongdoing and says she never taped her.

Meghan King Edmonds has decided she is going to be the pot-stirrer this season and repeat everything to everyone and just constantly bring up things that people did in the past.  I think she came real close to losing her spot on the cast and so now she is trying to solidify it.  She may think she’s still being the detective, but I think it’s just straight pot stirring and gossip and then (fakely) apologizing for repeating it.  Thoughts?

Peggy majored in….. English ? No. This cannot be true.  This makes absolutely no sense.

Peggy is also trying very hard to prove that she is rich.  She is constantly discussing money and what things cost.  Careful Pegs, all this money talk has not worked out well in the past for Teresa or for Ms. $25,000 sunglasses.

Vicki is on the same crazy train as fellow housewife LeeAnne Locken where she continues to pretend like she is sane and kind hearted.  Meghan is at lunch with Vicki, and this time Meghan decides to stir up the beef between Shannon and Vicki and the allegations of domestic abuse with David.

Vicki exclaims “Why would I ever want to hurt her? I don’t want to do that”, but then goes on to talk on camera about how she has all of the texts and pictures to prove the abuse happened.
But don’t tell! Or repeat it!  That would be wrong! And VIcki’s not doing that anymore!
Why do people on reality shows, with a camera crew in their face, always have full conversations and insist they are kept a secret? It drives me crazy.  

Vicki decides to continue to display her lunacy over dinner with her boyfriend Steve.  You know, Steve.  The boyfriend of a few months that is in her intro with her children and grandchildren as though he is a member of the family.  Every single scene of Vicki in a relationship – wether it’s Steve or Brooks or anyone – makes me so awkward.  She is always so desperate and controlling.  She is talking to Steve about them buying a boat (aka Vicki wants a boat and she will pay for it and pick it out) and doing things “as a family”.  News flash Vicki – Steve is not your family.  Then she wants to let all of America in on her sex life!  “Steve satisfies me physically…. he knows how I want it….. and four times a day hehehe”
I can’t.  What’s next, discussing ‘the big-O’ ala Raven from The Bachelor?

But she even tops that to end their dinner scene : 
They are cheers’ing/clinking their wine glasses and…….
Vicki: “Cheers, Will you Marry Me?”
Steve : “What?”
Vicki : “Nothing?”
…. I Mean, SERIOUSLY?

Tamra and the gang go to the drag bar, dressed as men (I do love Shannon’s enthusiasm for costumes), and Tamra brings the Psychic to get someone else to do her dirty work for her.  This is the same psychic that correctly said something was fishy about Brooks having cancer.  Then of course drama with Kelly ensues and the moment of everyone being friends is over.

The redeeming moment of next weeks previews: Vicki walking out into the backyard for her birthday party thinking she is making some grand entrance and NO ONE is looking at her or even notices.
Is it bad to laugh extremely hard at Vicki’s expense, like no one paying attention to her when she walks out or the producers cruelly zooming in on her waddling into a party, because you feel like she deserves it? Asking for a friend…..

We’re 9 episodes in and this was the most exciting moment Lydia has given us yet.

I am dying laughing all over again just looking at these pictures of her.  The hat is literally bigger than her head.
(it has been 9 freaking episodes?? Because NADA has happened in 9 episodes.  Nothin’. Zilch.)

:: Royal News ::

I know everyone is all about the news of Baby #3 for Kate, but I think bigger news for me was realizing what Pippa actually did for work.  Apparently she has a publishing company?? And now it is quietly being shut down.  Reading about what her and her brother have been up to for work since Kate married William was new (and interesting!) knowledge to me.

:: RHOD :: 

Travis and Stephanie meet with a designer at the hideous new house (with a swimming pool in the foyer and the “great view” of a road+condos+offices) that he bought without her consent to discuss design plans.  We knew before this that 1. Travis was controlling and 2. He has awful taste .  With the controlling thing, you could tell all last season that he treats his wife as less-than and that he basically believes that because he makes the money, he calls the shots.  But still, I was shocked that when Stephanie is trying to shut down an awful design idea he actually blatantly says – and in front of the designer – “Well I’m the one making the money, so.”
I. can’t. stand. him.

D’Andra criticizes LeeAnne for her behavior towards Stephanie on Halloween and it’s wonderful seeing someone try to really hand it to her.  It’s almost as though the more D’Andra points out how inappropriate her behavior is, the happier she is getting.  Out comes that Crazy Carnie she keeps trying to pretend is no more!!!
side note : LeeAnne is crazy, but Stephanie awarding Kameron “best costume” is definitely not helping change the opinion of her being a social climber.  Kameron was barely even in a costume!?

But, that aside, LeeAnne proves week after week that not one bit of her has changed. 
“That anger that they saw was just one facet of the diamond. Because I sparkle, honey,”
Cutesy Southern phrases like that do not make you a changed woman nor do they tie up the death threats with sandpaper or just mean gossiping into a nice little package for everyone to forget.

I was, however, shocked to hear LeeAnne give a speech without making it all about her.  So shocked that I feel like it was edited….. I can still remember her somehow making the AIDS charity event all about her last season.

I had forgotten about this terrifying (and foul mouthed) Heidi woman. First we are reminded of how she treated Cary last season, then we have her introducing LeeAnne at the benefit!  If LeeAnne and Heidi are the belle’s of the charity-world, Dallas has some serious issues.  These are two of the meanest, hate filled people ever.  In case you didn’t watch last season (you are doing yourself a disservice – it’s worth it), Heidi asked Cary to deep throat a hot dog at her house in an attempt to shame her (presumably about her possible affair when she and Mark got together).  I have a hard time even looking at Heidi.

DEE! The 7th Housewife! If Dee does not get an appearance every single episode, I will boycott this show.

Everytime I start to think I have figured out that face of hers, I am proven wrong.  I keep thinking that it’s just the heavy liquid liner making her eyes look a little wonky, not that one is bigger than the other or something else, and then we get a brief shot closer up and I’m like NOPE there’s that right eye.

Stephanie and Brandi being friends again warms my heart for many reasons, but mostly because we get to see scenes of them throwing back huge (and I mean huge) tequila shots and Brandi doing a pretty spot-on impression of Kameron.

At Cary’s house, Brandi invites the girls on a trip to Memphis while Kameron is standing there and is blatantly not invited.

When Kameron tries to call her out on it, Brandi basically just stares, which really cracked me up.  And then when she cracks a joke about doing it on purpose, Kameron believes her.  The more Kameron talks, and when she goes to discuss it with Court (who clearly gives zero effs) the more I am sticking to my belief that this girl is not as smart as the other girls keep saying she is.

PS.  That Lemur terrified me.  And I feel like the word Lemur was said, unnecessarily, at least 10 times.

:: BELOW DECK :: 

The new season is back!!!
I don’t understand how there’s all these new people working on the boat that seem as though they have never stepped foot on a boat.  The first day on the boat is a total mess.  The Bachelor Twins could honestly have probably done a better job than these idiots

The new girl that always looks terrified, doesn’t know not to put on her dress whites for breakfast, and is somehow on the boat working despite having an eight year old daughter, looks just like Tiffany from seasons past.

they have like the exact same thin nose or something?

BELOW DECK — Pictured: Jen Howell — (Photo by: Virginia Sherwood/Bravo)

:: WWHL ::
Whaaaaattt the heck is up with Danielle Staub’s implants?!

I mean…… look at her!!!

I am not ready for Jersey to be back.  I had taken a break from it for a couple of years, and then I started watching again last year when Teresa came out of jail.  It’s just SO much drama and arguing that it exhausts me.  That’s also why I do not watch Atlanta.
But then I think about RHONJ and gems like “prostitution whore” and table flipping with no sign of Teresa’s forehead in sight with that hairline…….

and I feel like I must give it a good old Bravo try…… after all, I’m no quitter.

:: Jackhole of the Week :: 

Deanie Babies trying to do damage control for his reputation and act like he’s a good guy with his latest instagram, captioned “You were out on my league”

OH PUH-LEASE!!!
You literally said, AND I QUOTE,

“Kristina’s so much more interesting and perceptive and smart…..but D-Lo’s just so effin’ hot.”
You are on every girls sh*t list Deanie Babies.

:: Mazel of the Week ::

My-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen has his duplex apartment in NYC  in the October issue of Elle Decor. It’s not my style, but an amazing NYC apartment none the less an worth a glimpse over on The Zhush!
If you read his second Diary of Andy Cohen book he talked about this apartment a lot so it’s fun to see!

:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snaochats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.