DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES……

:: RH of DALLAS ::
We learned more details about LeeAnne and her flesh eating virus.  She also was on the Juicy Scoop Podcast this week discussing it and I think I had too much Carnie for the week.  It was just annoyingly obvious that she really loves herself, thinks she is hilarious, and loves hearing herself talk (coming from the girl who blogs weekly about utter garbage just to put it out there….#hypocrite I know)

Do we think that the flesh eating virus came from being in the water in Mexico or because her OBGYN did the breast augmentation?  I’m sure it was from still healing and then having the water in Mexico get all up in there, but still, it just makes me wonder….. I mean, first he used a level to get the nipples even (it’s tricky y’all, plastic surgeons don’t need to have an eye for symmetry or anything – come on!) and then he says to use a compact in between her boobs?! I MEAN, WHAT!

editors note : but seriously…. I will never get over the level thing.  That is like getting an eyebrow wax and the girl pulling out a protractor or something, only 50 million times worse because this is a board certified plastic surgeon and it’s you under anesthesia getting your nipples reattached)

For how much I don’t necessarily like/love/need Cameron, I actually really enjoy what she brings to the show.  I think my moment of loving her was this single line alone :

I was alarmingly excited to see this stupid dog food launch party, and somehow was like “Oh her pink sparkly gown! She looks amazing!”  How has she brainwashed me?
I really wish you could read all of the Cameron parts in *her voice* aka very slow and affected, so please, if you can, the following is to be read in Cameron’s voice because it just makes it so much better. 
Cameron wanted everyone to walk into the party for Sparkle Dog and really “feel the sparkle.”  The amount that this party must have cost is absolutely insane.
But seriously….. is there ever an acceptable event for me to wear a long sparkly pink dress (cough: no) Because I really want it.

The “pink dog food” turns out to just be run of the mill brown kibble with pieces of pink dog food thrown in there. They had to add some regular kibble to the recipe because apparently the “pink potty situation” was a little alarming.
The most surprising and craziest moment at the SparkleDog Launch Party had nothing to do with Cameron.  It was D’Andra bursting into tears when the Dog Psychic said something about her dogs relationship with its birth mom.
oh, I forgot to mention, in addition to the 97 over the top things with this dog food launch, there was a dog psychic at the party to give readings.  
I can only imagine that life with her mom Dee can get pretty stressful, but COME ON, how is one generic sentence from a dog psychic breaking you down this much?   The psychic nods at the dog and says “okay” three times as though it’s speaking to her and D’Andra is like “(tears pouring) I just have so much going on right now” . I’m trying to be open and understanding about it because I cry at the drop of a hat, but at a pink dog food launch party with a dog psychic? And a dog psychic who is like “hmmmm lets see…. okay the dog loves you and worries about you.”  LOCK IT UP!!
Is it wrong to make fun of this? Probably…..

Stephanie and Brandi and Cary and LeeAnne and everyone are still arguing about the plastic surgeons, if people were killed on an operating table, if Cary was the Nanny for Mark, etc.  But I feel like nothing came from any of it? OH.  Except LeeAnne walking over to Mark and being like “Rich adores you, we’d love for you to come to our engagement party.”  Oh sure! Keep commenting about him going to the gay bar and cheating, but we just couldn’t celebrate our engagement with you and Cary!  Have I mentioned that LeeAnne really scares me?

editors note : I know that each week I am changing ‘Cameron’ to ‘Kameron’ and back, but I just can’t keep up . Ever since The Bachelor/Bachelorette where every girls name is spelled 17 different ways, I decided that in addition to keeping you guessing as to what the heck I am talking about in my run-on sentences, I will keep you guessing about how the heck a name is spelled. 

:: RH of OC ::
The ladies landed in Iceland, and I immediately thought this is even worse than when they went to Ireland.  What an awful trip idea! Not for real life – I think Ireland and Iceland would be amazing for real life – but for Housewives!? YAWN.  If you can’t give us Dubai and Hong Kong like the Beverly Hills girls at least give us something.

What are everyones thoughts on Tamra this week?
I think Tamra is a mean girl who never accepts responsibility for a single solitary thing ever (i.e. everything with her daughter Sydney) and this week is a perfect example.
Tamra started a group text on the trip and included everyone except Lydia, the host of the trip.  Was it a mistake or an oversight? Who cares.  Just say sorry and that you didn’t mean to exclude her form the text chain.  It’s really that simple.  Instead she got so defensive and argumentative, and then when Lydia got upset and left the table, Tamra acted like she wasn’t being rude at all and that Lydia is crazy.  Lydia did act childish about the whole thing, but still, Tamra’s a mean girl who always knows exactly what she’s doing to cause problems.

I think Kelly was having the time of her life on this trip. She was straight up having eye sex with every person she encountered in Iceland.  She really was nice to everyone though, staff included.

OMG Shannon.  I feel so bad for her but I just want to tell her to STAHP doing EVERYTHING she has been doing this season.  Especially getting all jealous over Tamra and Vicki hanging out this trip: LET THEM HAVE EACH OTHER. They are awful!

Seriously, in what world would Tamra ever be BFF with Shannon?
In the same world where Tamra goes to Lydia’s house for Bible Study.

Vicki hadn’t been feeling well on the first full day in Iceland, but she felt great enough to party until 3 am and talk about how fun it was all morning.  We end the episode with her starting to feel like she is having a heart attack and ambulance/doctor coming.

I’m not saying she wasn’t sick, but seriously, she is the girl who cried wolf.  She makes it so hard to believe her or have any sympathy for her whatsoever.
Also, you are 55 years old and you drank until 3 AM after being on a 14 hour flight and then had to be up and ready by 8 AM! I bet your heart is racing!! IT’S CALLED A HANGOVER.

and then in the scenes from next week she is sitting with all of the girls later that night so clearly she was fine.
But no….. it’s a heart attack!
SOMEONE MAKE HER AN ICELANDIC CASSEROLE.
editors note that I should totally keep to myself, so I won’t:
every time I write about the Casserole’s I picture it being said
“God Dammit someone get that woman a casserole!” In the same voice from Troop Beverly Hills when she’s overboard and says “God Dammit someone throw me a lifesaver!” 

but…. to end on a positive… Iceland looks gorgeous.
I’m trying……

:: RH of NJ :: 
alright, you all convinced me to get on board.  Unfortunately our TV and internet has been in and out CONSTANTLY the last week and a half and I haven’t been able to see the last 2 episodes. (I’ve been having to run to Starbucks to blog since last week…… last night and this morning included!)

I’m sad about the ganging up on Siggy and her coming off a little Coo Coo though because I think she is the only genuine and intelligent person on the whole show (hence why I really can’t stand watching NJ)
BUT. Give me a little time and I’ll comment.

And so far I can’t stand the woman in the pigtails,
but I can’t stand any of them really, so that’s not saying much?

:: Murder + Crime Shows and Podcasts ::
I don’t know if it’s the Halloween timing or what, but I have true crime on the mind.  I loved the Dirty John Podcast (just 6 one hour episodes) and I loved watching The Lacey Peterson documentary and now may start the Menendez brothers.  But the thing I still can’t handle one bit is any actual scary movie, or even a scary movie commercial for that matter.

Is it messed up, or does it say something bad about me, that I can’t handle any “fake” crimes and murders in horror films, but am interested in real life murders and crimes? Well, not all murders.  Nothing with breaking and entering and killing a woman alone or something – I won’t sleep for weeks! I shut off any Dateline (don’t watch it alone) when it hits “too close to home”.

But, like, crimes of passion and premeditated murders?  Love em! All for it! Could marathon it on the couch all day long!  Seriously does that make me horrible? Or do all women feel that way?

:: John Stamos Engaged :: 

John Stamos got engaged to his 31 year old girlfriend this week.  31 means we all basically stood a chance with him….. damn!

I feel like Leonardo DiCaprio is one of the only long standing bachelors remaining…..(although I know Stamos was married before)

:: JT Superbowl :: 

Justin Timberlake announced this week that he will be performing the Super Bowl Halftime Show for 2018! I am so excited! I still remember vividly watching the JT and Janet show where her boob popped out.

It was my Senior year of HS and there were a ton of us over at a friends house who luckily was an early adopter of Tivo.  We all had a lot of fun rewinding and replaying that over and over and over again. 
While I’m sure nothing will top the surprise of that night, I know he will have an amazing show so I am so excited it’s him!

:: Jackhole of the Week :: 

I don’t even want to categorize this as the Jackhole because I am still so on the fence about Jason (he seemed so great! how could he have gone crazy?! I’m still clinging to hope she drove him mad and we’re only hearing one side of the story?) butttt………

Jason accepted a please deal in the stalking case with Bethenny.

:: Mazel of the Week ::
Any of you as into Dancing with the Stars as I am?
Because seriously I feel like no one watches this show and it is THE BEST.  It’s like Big Brother: I will never stop preaching about how much I love it so you all just need to get on board.  And until then, I will share videos of how insanely talented they are and let you know that I cry every single week at least once.
But that’s pretty normal for me…. 

Lindsey stering is a professional violinist who is partnered with Mark, but it just came to my attention that she and Derek Hough have been doing music videos together.  (Can you hear my mom screaming “through me!? I emailed it to you!” from where you are? Because I sure can…. )

It is AH-MAZING.
They did another video together too for The Arena.
Anyways….. watch and enjoy.  I love him.

Sorry for late posts this week, our TV and Internet have been in and out constantly since last week.  We may need to get new boxes (and lose my DVR’d shows!!! and set up all new Season Recordings!? THE HORROR!!!)
Oh, and I’m late for a spin class so especially sorry for my lack of english today.  I don’t work well in a space with people hopped up on Coffee that I do not drink.  I find I perform best in my giant white fuzzy robe, pink furry socks, in the “pajama pose” (Will + Grace) on my couch, remote in hand, jumping between 17 different fragmented thoughts.
also, hasn’t Will & Grace just been THE BEST!? 

I’m flying to NY today for one of my best friend’s weddings! Follow along on instagram! 

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snaochats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.