DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES……

:: RHOC ::

First of all, how on EARTH are these women still in these “presidential suites” with no air conditioning.  Do you think the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills would put up with this?! Or the Real Housewives of New York!? Because Ramona has NOTHING on me and being a raging vacation lunatic if you have me paying for a suite in 90+ degree heat with no air conditioning.  I’d rather sleep on a raft in the pool.  Or on that bus they take to all their dinners and excursions that that poor man keeps having to drive them around for hours on.
but I digress…… 

After 972 boring episodes (it feels like it and you know it),
Shannon has deemed this night the night that Fun Shannon will take Jamaica by storm.

Vicki has also deemed Jamaica as the trip where she will wear less and less clothing and dress more and more like a 21 year old that has a banging bod.  There is no amount of nipple or ass cheek she is afraid of.  I, however, am terrified as to what “lewk” is going to come next.  For Fun Shannon’s Jamaican debut dinner, Vicki selects a see through romper with lace overlay, and a plunging V-neck with no bra and no tape to keep the minimal amounts of fabric in place. Just what every grandmother should wear.
but I digress……

“Fun” Shannon instantly is so annoyed and bored to death by people at the table talking about something OTHER than what Shannon is interested in.   Things quickly take a turn when Shannon doesn’t feel defended by Tamra for being a good friend. (Which, in typical Tamra fashion, is correct because Tamra doesn’t defend her at all.)

Things then spiral.  Because “Fun” Shannon…..if there’s one thing she knows how to do well, it’s spiral.
Shannon deflects by saying she’s waiting to see Fun Emily who never drinks more than one glass of champagne.  Listen Shannon…..Emily’s not not fun because she only has one drink……. Emily’s not fun bc she’s married to Shane.  She’s desperate to have more children with a man that orders apple juice to drink at fancy steak restaurants.  Just to clarify……

Shannon then says crazy erratic things like “I’ve only had one drink” and “I’m so happy;  I wake up everyday so happy.”  Uhhmmm we all know ALL of those statements are false.  But sure, okay.

No time is wasted before Tamra starts really trashing Shannon. The truth starts rolling out about Shannon calling both her and Kelly at ALL hours of the day, multiple times a day, complaining about everything from David to her stressful busy day doing things like picking the kids up from school and paying bills.

The fight just continues from there, and even news of an air conditioned villa doesn’t lift anyones spirits.
Way to blow your final night of booze before your eyelid surgery, Fun Shannon.
And also….. just so Vicki isn’t the only one taking the fashion heat, when will Shannon learn that the I Dream of Genie Ponytail is not a good look.  And no, the lack of AC and Jamaican humidity is no excuse, because you wore that thing on my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen’s WWHL done by a glam squad.

Later, Vicki’s romper can only be trumped by Vicki’s swimsuit and “cover up”. I swear I have lingerie that covers more than that.  Butt implants or not, it’s a hard no.  Clearly I need Victoria Gunvalson’s mirror. And then she takes a real jab at Shannon when she wants to get her a shirt and says her personal size is a Medium and Shannon is an XXL.  Ooooohhhh what a bitch!

Anyways, to summarize.
This is a vacation BH and NY would crap on.
Tamra throws Shannon under the bus in no time, per usual.
Shannon takes zero accountability for anything ever, per usual, because she has never done anything wrong, ever.
And basically the three amigos deserve each other.  And we deserve for an entirely new OC cast or for OC to just be retired.

:: RHOBH :: 
Camille got married in Hawaii last weekend.

And LVP was nowhere to be seen.
I feel like she left mid-season….. that is what the rumors are saying…..
It wouldn’t surprise me, especially since she has Vanderpump Rules.
similar to Shannon, LVP never does anything wrong ever and never apologizes…..
ALSO.  Camille’s daughter on the end looks so pissed in this photo it’s hilarious (zoom in).

:: Jen Garner’s New Man :: 
YAY!
I am so happy Jennifer Garner has a new man!!
She just seems like the sweetest kindest human alive and she has wasted all those years on Ben Affleck! Thank goodness she was done with him before that giant back-tat at least!

So, her new man :
He is a 40 year old businessman (younger than her! ow ow!) and they apparently have mutual friends and they are casually dating.  Good for her! This made my day!
He also apparently graduated from Stanford Law School (yes please) and is a CEO.
Have fun with your 21 year old playmate, Ben! Adios!

:: Meghan Markle :: 
I’m sorry.
This dress that she wore this week.  I cannot.
It is the most perfect thing I have ever laid eyes on in my entire life.

:: Mazel of the Week :: 
David Schwimmer mocking the English robber that is 100% his doppleganger.
This was hilarious.

Officers, I swear it wasn’t me.
As you can see, I was in New York.
To the hardworking Blackpool Police, good luck with the investigation.#itwasntme pic.twitter.com/EDFF9dZoYR

— schwim (@DavidSchwimmer) October 24, 2018

:: Jackhole of the Week :: 
We’ve discussed on instagram, but not on Coffee Talk.  I know this is old, but still.
I am the Jackhole for being SO far off at how long the Pete and Ariana Grande relationship would last.
They lasted at least 3x longer than I ever suspected.
But still……

It’s just shocking isn’t it?! That two people that had eaten together a few times and maybe sneezed around one another once or twice would realize perhaps they shouldn’t be getting married?!  And they seemed like they just had so much in common!!
Just can’t believe it didn’t work!
Still waiting on Beiber break-up news….. that one has gone on longer than I thought too……

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.

images from : bravo, giphy, us weekly, people, enews