I hope you all have been doing well!
I post regularly on instagram, but I haven’t been opening my laptop too much these days with my daily trip to see the girls in the NICU.
I’ve gotten a lot of requests to share more about the twins arrival, so I thought I’d share a bit more today! Don’t worry – I had a C-Section and it was all extremely straight forward and by the book.  I will not be talking about “birth plans” or anything gross or TMI whatsoever 🙂 My only “birth plan” would have been “Epidural.”

Before I start, let me just say THANK YOU again for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers throughout my pregnancy and bed rest and delivery and NICU time.
I’ve gotten so many wonderful messages from all of you that I don’t even know in “real life” and it means the world to me.  
We are so lucky that our babies are healthy. All of Hadley and Collins neighbors in the NICU are going through so many difficult things and it makes me cry for them and their parents every day.  We are so blessed and fortunate to have our girls make it to 34 weeks and to be healthy preemies who just needed some extra help and TLC.  
There are many others who I am keeping in my prayers every night! 

also…. warning, long rambling post ahead…..

I am one of those people who read a few parenting books (Moms on Call, What to do when having Two, etc) but skipped over every pregnancy detail involving birth and labor.  I had (and still have) no interest in learning about all of the things that could possibly go wrong or hearing a friends horror story or even someones wonderful story.  Every birth will be different, and as I learned throughout my pregnancy, I may be a “planner” but I wanted to go in BLIND and have no expectations and know as little as possible.  Not planning has been what has kept me calm, ironically enough.

And, even if I were only having one baby, this would have been my mindset entirely.
My only “birth plan” would be EPIDURAL ASAP! ASAP DOC!

One of the first few times I met with my doctor, who also has a set of twins, I asked what the odds were of me having a C-Section.  Doctors will never tell you to have a C-Section, they can’t tell you what to do, but I appreciated her honesty when she said : “Honestly it’s probably 75-80%. (I had read 50% in a book?).  What I’ve seen happen many times is Baby A is perfectly positioned and comes out vaginally, and then things change with Baby B and we end up having to do a C-Section to get Baby B out.”  She said more than this, but all I heard was WORST CASE SCENARIO.  Recovering BOTH WAYS?! Not to mention possibly putting Baby B in distress, or even if Baby B is still just fine, having to sit there and go through all of that labor to then have to have a C-Section on top of it all.  NO. THANK. YOU.  So I decided that day that I wanted to have a C-Section.  Done.  Cut me open and get those babies out safely, but I’d rather a C-Section than BOTH.

But before we get to the day of, let me back track just slightly to explain more about the bed rest and what was going on with the babies.
When I went in for our routine 28 week ultrasound Monday January 21st, we were expecting the same report as usual.  The babies are measuring small but still in the normal part of the growth curve, and we’d see them again in two weeks. Instead, after discussion about the small babies, when they went to measure my cervix there was no cervix left to be measured.  The doctor checked to make sure I wasn’t “open” but kept asking me all of these questions about bleeding or contractions and I was so confused.  I felt great! I had been saying I was made for pregnancy – and even twin pregnancy – because the past few weeks and months had been a breeze.
Turns out, I was heading into labor and we were VERY lucky I had my ultrasound scheduled that day.
They admitted me to the hospital and the babies got steroids to speed up their lung development incase they were to arrive.   I got put on drugs to stop the contractions.  The babies were stable and heart rates were always within normal limits.
(I talked a bit more about the beginning of bed rest in this post).

The first week was really scary and hard because I knew it was way, way too early for them to come, and that even though the medicine seemed to be working, they said I could still go into labor at any time.  The only thing I could do was just stay in bed in the hospital with them monitoring the babies on a doppler and then having ultrasounds twice a week.
A week and half after I was admitted, and starting to feel good that it had been all good news and all stable since I’d arrived, we went up for our 29.5 ultrasound and we learned that Baby B had resistance in her umbilical cord.  This meant that she could be getting everything she needed, OR that she might not be getting as much as she needs, or that she may stop getting what she needs.  It was a monitor and wait.   (It wasn’t Umbilical Reversal which would be something that makes you have to deliver right away).
So, that was a new scary reveal and put us right back at the point we were at the day we were admitted.  Thankfully, Baby B kept growing little by little. She wasn’t as big as her sister and she would only grow a few ounces instead of a pound for example, but it was still safer to keep them both inside to let them develop more and just monitor and wait.
Every day they stayed in was great, and every week even better.  I realized at this point 32 weeks would be the big goal and that they may let me go home.
Week’s 30 and 31 in the hospital were great though, with Baby B growing a little bit more and them always looking stable and happy on the monitors.  They punched and kicked and moved and had hiccups.  They had great fluid on the ultrasounds.  The babies themselves always seemed great, just small and not ready to come out.
(also throughout this time so many of you reached out with your early delivery stories and made me feel so, so much better!) .
The day of my 32 week appointment, both babies looked good and I had been stable (and they had been stable) since the umbilical cord news.  My cervix was still garbage, but they sent me home to bed rest at home and just return to the doctor 2x a week for my ultrasounds.

I was SO HAPPY! We had made it to 32 weeks, things were so much safer for them, they had their steroids should they arrive at any time, and at the very least, even if they arrived the very next day, everything *should* be totally fine with them developmentally.  They had made it to a “safe point”.

Bed resting at home felt like a luxury compared to the hospital staring at the same 4 walls everyday, sitting in a hospital bed (with NO BRAVO! or E or HGTV or anything!…. the horror……)

We went home and were told to have our hospital bag packed for every ultrasound with the Perinatologist in case we had to deliver that day. For some reason it never occurred to me that the babies wouldn’t be coming home with me or in my room with me if they were born early, that of course they would do time in the NICU, so I made sure to have the car seats in the car and going home outfits and all sorts of things that I never needed (and still have not needed).
Oh well… ignorance is bliss.

So each ultrasound was fine and I made it to 34 weeks.  I was ecstatic.  I figured at this point I would not go into labor, it would be a matter of the babies growth for when I would deliver, and I thought I was going to make it 2 more weeks to 36 weeks. (They had told me they would likely take them at 36 weeks because they were small and my placenta wasn’t getting them as big as they would like, so at that point they would do better on the outside than the inside.

I went into the 34 week ultrasound thinking at the very least Baby B would have grown enough to stay put. They both had been moving like crazy in my tummy and on the ultrasound 3 days before were doing just the same.  The ultrasound showed two happy babies moving all around but growth was really all that mattered.  As the tech measured the belly on Baby B I could see in small letters on the tv GE (gestational age) 29 weeks 4 days. They always do a couple measurements and each one would be different, but the highest I saw it get to was 30 weeks and a few days.  I knew it was going to be that day.  (Kip can’t read that far without his glasses so he never could see the ages when I would see them).  Then she told us that Baby A had almost gained a pound, but that Baby B had only gained 2 ounces.  We knew for sure before the doctor came in that this was it.

I started crying because …. well…. a million reasons.  But I was shocked she hadn’t grown.  She was moving so much and I felt like my belly had been growing daily! The doctor came in (and I love my perinatologist and got “close” with her from my hospital stay and them checking in on me every day on bed rest in my room).  I had promised her I would stay pregnancy while she was away on break with her kids so I said “I made it! But I know you’re going to say today is the day.”  She said all of her patients had cried that morning because of bad news but I assured her this was not bad news and that I was just SO grateful to have made it to 34 weeks.  There were people on bed rest and then delivering in the hospital when I was stuck in there in far worse situations than I was in.  She had the growth curves to show me the data and why but I just assured her it was fine and I knew when I heard 2 ounces.

She was relieved to hear that I wanted to have a C-Section because she said Baby B wouldn’t have tolerated the pitosin to induce me well and it would likely have put her into distress and resulted in a C-Section anyway.  So I was happy to hear that the C-Section seemed to be the way to go for many reasons.  Of course I had just scarfed food so that the babies would be active for the ultrasound, so we had to go downstairs and check into labor and delivery and then wait for about 6 hours until go time.

Final bump pic, about to change into my gown and get ready for the delivery! 

My guess is that all of this is very different from the majority of deliveries, even when you have a scheduled c-section.  I was fairly calm because I had been anticipating this moment since 28 weeks, and since it was 34 weeks and 1 day, I was just so relieved they stayed safely put in my tummy that long.  As I knew and have learned even more with our time in the NICU, every day counts and there are so many struggling babies and parents from early deliveries.

If you’re still reading I’m shocked haha.
But I’ll go into a little bit of detail (nothing gross or TMI) because some people have asked me for more info that are pregnant themselves!
After a few hours of waiting, and a visit from my mom and sister to the hospital, it was time for the c-section.

Some twin specifics (maybe not, but it seemed like a twin thing):
The anesthesiologist came in and let us know how things would go, as did a NICU doctor and the nurses.  They let me know that because it was twins there would be A LOT of people in the delivery room (because of the tarp I really wouldn’t have known the difference but I guess this was for Kip). There are 2 nurses for each baby, there’s a respiratory doctor, nurses for me, and I can’t even remember everyone else, but I think we counted 15 people in the room.
He said when the babies were born they would pull the drape down and hold the baby up so we could see them before they handed them off to the NICU nurses.  If the babies were doing okay, Kip would be able (after both were born) to go over and take pictures and watch them get weighed and evaluated.  Then, if they were still doing well, they would bring the baby over to me and let Kip hold the baby next to me on the table so I could reach over and touch them.  If this did not happen, not to worry, just that there were more important things to be done to stabilize them and get them off to the NICU.
OH, and you do not get to cut the umbilical cord for a c-section because it’s a sterile surgical environment.
(all of this is probably “no kidding” for most of you but I mean it when I say I chose to know NADA about any of this going in.)

The whole thing felt like 15 minutes to me, but I guess it was about an hour and a half.  It truly felt like 10 minutes.
Kip was not allowed to come back into the OR until my epidural was finished, and thenright before it started, when the drape was up and it was go time he would come in.  They said not to be worried if I was in there getting the epidural for 30-45 minutes (and I guess I was.)  They took their time doing it and chatting with me and I will say – as a self described baby when it comes to pain – it was JUST FINE.  Not bad at all.  Seriously.  Your adrenaline will be so high that it’s like “we’re done?”  I could have done about 90 of those things.

Then they laid me back and spread my arms out like Jesus on either side which just felt very strange?!

Inappropriate use of a gif or PERFECT use of a gif?! You tell me……

The drape went up and Kip came in to sit behind the drape at my head.  I started crying right away (not bad crying just tears streaming and crying the entire time.)   The babies come out SO fast.  All of it felt fast but this actually was FAST and not just my interpretation of it.
Baby A, Hadley, came out first at 6:54 PM and we heard her cry.  They dropped the drape down so that we got to see her for the first time and then they quickly took her away.
Then I heard someone say “Oh my gosh look at her (Baby B).  It’s like a perfect photo!”  and they commented on however Baby B looked in her sac. I wish so badly I could have seen what they were seeing! It sounded like she was looking at them or something through the sac or perfectly placed, but I’ll never know.
2 Minutes later, Collins arrived.  When they pulled her out we heard the word “Boy” said twice and Kip and I were looking at each other saying Boy?? But it turns out she had tinkled all over me the second they pulled her out and they must have said something along the lines of “like a boy”.  She made a grand entrance! She didn’t really cry but kind of squealed/yelled and they pulled the drape down and we got to see her for the first time!! Kip got to stand up to go be with them while they worked on me.

I was shaking and twitching all over the place which I guess can be a side effect of the epidural/meds.  I wasn’t cold at all but I was flailing all about as if I had hypothermia.  It didn’t bother me at all but when Kip was back sitting with me I think I was scaring the daylights out of him.  (I shook for a few hours I think??).

Then they brought Kip back to sit and brought the sweet little babies over and I got to really see them and touch them for the first time.  I was in shock and so happy this happened because I really wasn’t expecting to be able to at all.
Both babies, although having a few issues here and there, were pink and alert and beautiful.
All of our prayers had been answered for a safe delivery and healthy babies.

I don’t know how I’ve become one of “those people” I’m crying looking at these pictures all over again and don’t even remember seeing the videos from the day they were born, so I’m crying watching those all over again too.
I’ll blame it on my raging hormones…… 

And then before I knew it the babies were off to the NICU, and then Kip was gone to the NICU (I think that’s where they took him first? Or he went out to tell my mom and sister and then went to the NICU?) and I was being wheeled into the recovery room.

I was so happy when I learned that I got to be taken to the NICU that night to see them.  I couldn’t walk yet so they wheeled my bed in somehow and squeezed me between the two of them.  I couldn’t believe they were here! It’s so crazy to be pregnant and feeling them kicking and moving and watching them on an ultrasound in the morning, and then that same day they are in front of you! There’s nothing that could have prepared me for it and how emotional and in love I was.  They’re just perfect.

Hadley Anne, Baby A, weighed 4 pounds 4 ounces and was 17 inches long.  She was wheezing and breathing really loudly that night and the first 2 days.  Her little rib cage and belly would go so far in when she breathed and she had some fluid in her lungs.  I got to hold her right away when I went in.  I have had the name Hadley as my girl name since I was a little girl.  The dishes I grew up with and that are still the only dishes are my moms house are called Hadley and I always loved it for a name.  Anne is her middle name, named after my sister.

Collins McKenzie, Baby B, weighed 3 pounds 4 ounces and was 16.5 inches long.  I didn’t get to hold her that night but we got to touch her through her isolette.  In what we have to come to learn is typical Collins, she was just staring around and perfectly fine (while her sister, who could have stayed put, did not adjust well to coming out!)  The tiny one that was in distress and initiated all the worries and delivery is just happy as a clam and carefree as ever looking around at everyone.  I’ve had Collins as one of my top girl names in my phone (any one else have a running list?) for a few years, and McKenzie was another favorite of ours.  We thought about McKenzie as her first name at first but we settled on Collins (I mean…. as Kip says, I had the names planned long before I was pregnant, so it was kind of a done deal and I just had to make him think we came to the conclusion together haha.)

I couldn’t believe how big they looked for how small they were! They were so long! And they had so much hair! Kip was born with tons and tons of hair, and they had showed me the hair on my ultrasounds so I wasn’t surprised at all by that (every baby in my family is bald for months….or years!!)

I’m keeping it non-emotional and light hearted on here, but it has been a crazy rollercoaster couple of weeks, and all of it is so, so worth it.  We’ve kind of been in a state of limbo while the babies are in the NICU getting stronger and learning to the do the things outside that they should be developing and doing inside.  They should be coming home any day now to be with us.

People had asked a lot about recovery from C-Section on instagram, and I feel like I should just talk about that in a second post and keep this about their arrival, but here are some spoilers:

*Day 1 post C-section is a beyotch.
You only get the catheter for 12 hours and
then you have to move and walk to the bathroom.
*So is day 2.
* Then each day gets better.
* Seeing the babies makes it all disappear and you forget all about it.

Thank you again so much for all of your thoughts and prayers for the babies!
It really means the world to me!
Hopefully they will be able to come home SOON!

And if you read all of this….. bless you. 
Especially because I am too tired to go through and proofread it (as I’m sure you have come to expect from me) and it took every ounce of strength to write this all during my pumping sessions haha.