DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES………

:: Bethenny Leaving RHONY :: 

The news came last week two weeks ago that Bethenny will not be returning next season to RHONY and I am devastated.  Still.

I am in a very fragile place in my life right now with little to no adult interaction
and Housewives is a solace during my “alone time”.

NY is my FAVORITE franchise.  Dare I say my favorite show.
And as you know…. I watch A LOT of television shows.

Please send prayers my way during this trying time in my life.  I know I’m not alone in trying to come to terms with what has happened…. hang in there everyone.  As Bethenny would say : B STRONG. This is a crisis.

:: Unemployed Rejects in Paradise ::
Ughhhh already back to being over this show.  I enjoyed it the first 3 weeks I was subjected to 4 hours a week of this garbage, but now it’s back to just nonstop footage of idiots like John Paul Jones and I truly could not care less.
Listening to the sound of John Paul Jones voice with that tight jaw and barely moving mouth (in addition to that Nicole girls voice, I might add)  is TOO MUCH for me.  I can’t.

Out of all of these idiots JPJ is arguably the biggest joke.
Did you catch him calling Tazjuan Tasha – Juan?!

And Teisha should be MORTIFIED to even be PRETENDING to be interested in him.  At least…. I really hope she is pretending.
The people on these shows truly are losers.

Nicole’s like ooooo men fighting over me, I’m such a hot commodity. I cannnnnotttt.

Does she drive anyone else insane?!

OH. Third person whose mouth and voice make me INSANE is Connor.  He seems like such a sweet person but seriously these voices….. I can’t handle this 4 hours per week.

Dean coming back – shaved mustache and all – to act like he wants to be committed with Caelynn is BS.
I meannnn he lives in a VAN people.

That alone is a hard no. He also clearly has no interest in commitment whatsoever.  The entire thing was so orchestrated by producers. He didn’t seem upset to leave her nor did he seem thrilled to entice her to leave
Whatever….we shall see during this weeks 4 hour escapades what goes down….

The biggest shock is how much I enjoy Demi, whom I despised on Colton’s season.

and for real….
just get Blake off of my TV screen. Kthanks.

:: Southern Charm ::
(ignore the past then present tense…. I wrote most of this two weeks ago when it was still airing…
blah blah blah bear with me people!)

I really cannot with Shep this season.  He is just a complete and utter ass with no self awareness.  The reunion completely shows it.  He’s such a hypocrite with how people should behave and then he does the exact opposite.  I felt like my-boyfriend-andy-cohen did a good job calling him on all of his BS (which he doesn’t always do) so I appreciated that.

Kathryn definitely WAS drinking that night on WWHL not only because she was acting like it but because Naomi and Cameron never would have said someone texted them that she was if it wasn’t true.  She was SO strange on WWHL.
What’s interesting is that suddenly she shares that she IS drinking? Or allowed to be? Yet she can’t cheers with the martini and has to cheers with water instead? So are you drinking or no?! Allowed to be or no?!
LuAnn, is that you?!

It definitely was the best Kathryn has looked all season!

Madison is insane but at least she was on this season because without Thomas and TrAshley carrying the show with their antics there really wasn’t anything.  It was Madison and then the few moments we got to have of crazy TrAshley.

:: RHOC ::
OC is my least favorite.  They’re all awful.
Nothing is more obnoxious on this show than people ON CAMERA, MIC’D UP pretending they aren’t going to talk about something.  It’s infuriating.  “I would never talk about Kelly Dodd and the Train Rumor because that’s not the kind of person I am…. that’s horrible to talk about KELLY and the TRAIN and I want no part of it…. here’s the definition of a train…. I’m not spreading rumors.  We aren’t going to discuss it.”

Are you on drugs because you know exactly what you’re doing? Or do you think the viewers are that dumb that we don’t realize that?!
Kelly’s boyfriend gives me the creeps…. and why does she call him DOCTOR Brian? Ew.  If you’re dating him his name is Brian.  STAHP.

The saddest things to watch this season are from last seasons two newbies: Emily and Gina (and I always think Emily is named Gina and Gina is named Emily because their names really fit the other person more than themselves…. so apologies in advance if I keep messing this up.)
Emily’s is married to “the little dork” as Kelly Dodd would say SHANE who is just awful.  He’s studying for the bar and doesn’t come home, text, call, say a word.   The day he takes it he comes home and is a completely disrespectful ass to Emily some more.

Well… here’s a little update :SHANE FAILED THE BAR.

There are theories that he never even took it….. I think he did, and failed.
What Kelly said about him isn’t wrong.  I don’t know why Emily is with him, he’s terrible to her.

The other sad story is Gina going through her divorce and DUI.
On the show they talk about how the divorce stemmed from him cheating and still seeing the other woman.
A lot of things have happened since filming that haven’t happened yet as we are watching the season play out on air.  Mainly: Gina’s abuse by Matt.  Like BAD.  Read about it HERE. He choked her, threatened to kill her, dragged her by her hair.
And I just saw an update that he was charged with two felonies recently, false imprisonment and felony domestic violence.

But back to what is actually happening on the show….. Gina missing her court date.
I meannnn what lawyer is it you were paying who doesn’t explain this stuff to you, or that files for a delay in something and doesn’t follow up on it?!
Poor girl is a HAWT mess.  And really needs to lose the bleached white blonde in her confessionals. But I feel terrible for her with everything going on right now, so we’ll allow her Britney Spears bad hair color decisions.

:: RHOP ::
Potomac never really has anything that thrilling going on and yet I love it.
Moments like watching Karen in the Cayman Islands (our family vacation spot) in a bedazzled sparkled jersey dress with OTK black boots….. I mean… I now know how poorly and inappropriately dressed I have been all of these years.
AND KATIE’S WIG.  I cannot. FINALLY it was addressed and addressed so perfectly by Gisele.

:: RHOD :: 
Did anyone used to watch Whose Wedding Is It Anyway or Platinum Weddings back in the day with LeAnn Locken’s wedding planner? No….. Just me?? K…….
So Plastic Sugery Cary Duber is gone and we have a new replacement Kary and I’m into it.  She seems a little off her rocker and likes to wear the same clothes as her teenage daughter, so just what we need.
LeAnn is planning her wedding and has colored her hair “blonde”, the exact same color that D’Andra has decided to color her hair might I add.
LeAnn goes on a full tangent about how she was blonde as a child and always blonde and they just keep showing photo after photo of her with light brown hair?!? I’m RULL confused.

Not a blonde in sight LeAnn, but I guess with Rich only having one good eye making he thinks you’re blonde….. too far?
Nothing too exciting has happened yet but I’m always here for Crazy Carnie LeAnn……
and D’Andra’s skincare company may be going bankrupt but this is the best her skin has ever looked!

:: Below Deck Med ::
I love this show so much.
“Chef” Anastacia is awful, but I love Jack’s subtitles, the other guys completely absurd drunk behavior, Ben back on the boat, etc. I can’t wait for the regular season with Kate and Tahiti to be back as well.

:: Big Brother ::
I need Michie off my TV screen. and I need it now.
I can’t believe that double eviction night came and went without him being sent packing.
As Tamra would say, I am PESSED.

:: KUWTK :: 
In honor of the return of KUWTK, I thought I might share this THEN and NOW from when the show first premiered. Whenever I catch reruns on the TV from ANY season it always boggles my mind how different they all look.  And not necessarily just from the first season to now, but EVERY season they will look SO different.

I mean seriously…. it’s practically Michael Jackson level new faces for these people.

:: Jackhole of the Week :: 
The White Claw Shortage.
….. although to be fair I am a Truly drinker over White Claw.

We go to the beach in 2 weeks and a bunch of you messaged me on IG about all the different brands of spiked seltzer there are, so my plan is to have a taste test and determine the best one.
I was marketing major in college so it’s time for some MARKET RESEARCH LADIES.
Get ready for some THRILLING content coming to the blog and instagram soon!!!
Also…. I can never see white claw without hearing the little alien voices in Toy Story looking up and saying oooooooo the clawww…….

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
my apologies for lack of Coffee Talk.  My little twin loves take after their mother and if the television is on their eyes are LOCKED and IN LOVE and want nothing else (DAMMIT!) 

images from : bravo, giphy, us weekly, people, enews