DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES………

warning… if you’re new to Coffee Talk…. I don’t proofread anything and write this over a span of a few days while sleep deprived.  So if it’s like Teresa Giudice wrote it…….sorry not sorry. Brace yourself. 

:: Jim and Meghan King Edmonds ::
DON’T HIRE A HOT NANNY.  That is rule #1.
Or maybe rule #1 is don’t marry an ass, rule #2 is don’t have kids with ass that doesn’t want to have more kids, and rule #3 is DON’T HIRE A HOT NANNY.

Did Jim cheat with the nanny? Who knows.  Has he cheated in general? Who knows. HELL YES.
But everything from him doing grand birthday posts for the nanny to taking her to the hockey game to deleting his text messages with her….. I meann…. highly suspicious.

Meghan posted a big long response on her blog.

Whether he did or didn’t doesn’t matter, he’s a scum bag. He was cheating while she was pregnant, and he had been MIA as a father during a horrible diagnosis for one of their twins.
One of the most recent sketchy scumbag moves was reporting their 2 year old daughters iPad as “stolen” so that no one could open it and access it (presumably because texts or emails could be retrieved.)

But again…. she is also an idiot for marrying him and having kids with him.

Sad for her though.
AND I’m really wondering what’s going to happen with the MANSION ON STEROIDS they are building in St. Louis that she just did a huge IG Story tour of the week before all this came out.

:: DALLAS ::
I love Dallas.  LeeAnn, not surprisingly, is as bonkers as ever.
I don’t think there’s been a single scene where she hasn’t brought it all back to her and her childhood and her woe is me storyline.  Not making light of her childhood or suicide in anyyyyyy way here, but she really knows how to pull a 180 over tacos to bring it all up.  In Mexico when talking about nothing she turns the conversation straight to her and a suicide attempt and says “and given the opportunity I’d try again tonight”. …….. LeeAnn….. seriously?!

When Brandy is making a joke about herself and her poor upbringing she says “I lived in a double wide haha” and LeeAnn immediately says “mine was a single.”  When Brandy continues to try to make light of the situation she says “BUT I WAS ABUSED FOR 12 YEARS!”
Cary #2 sharing something about her upbringing : “at 13 and 14 I was going to clubs… my mother was an alcoholic and not around.
LeeAnn: “Well…. did you lost your virginity at 13?! I was 13 when I lost my virginity…. and I was molested.” LEEANNE!? STAHPPP. IT’S NOT A COMPETITION OF TRAGIC CHILDHOODS.
I live for her asking for the free wedding dress, throwing a lingerie shower at 1 pm on a Wednesday (loved this tidbit) herself but making her friends pay for it and “host” it, and everything else surrounding the wedding.
….. all that said.  Live for her.

Her and Rich’s house… stuff EVERYWHERE and a complete and utter mess….. I can’t…. I mean, my house looks like a bomb went off at any minute, but this is HOUSEWIVES.  I want to see what I can’t have!!!!!

I feel for Brandy with this kid situation….. I love her and Stephanie.  At the root of it I think most Housewives are pretty crappy, selfish people but the two of them seem like they’re nice and thankful and respectful to servers and all that stuff.  Don’t laugh at me for the respectful to servers stuff….. as Jeff Lewis knows and calls out Heather Dubrow, it is everything and tells you everything you need to know about someone.

Oh and DeeAndra has never looked better than this season – her makeup on WWHL was her best ever.  Someone finally got ahold of her Mama Dee pale face powder and threw it in the trash, too.  Hallelujah!

I haven’t see last night’s episode yet – but the upcoming trailer for Dallas is INTENSE.

update: LeeAnn’s wedding. 
Ceremony was so great (except for the childhood chatter).  I like Rich so much…. oh wait…. is he making multiple comments about never seeing so many hot women in one place at his wedding reception!? SCRATCH THAT.
Very sad to see the interactions with her and her mom.
LeeAnn going through the Sonic drive-thru was hilarious, but not giving a damn about eating a loaded hot dog in that dress gave me chills.  Then I realized she was changing out of it (and cough – didn’t even pay for it) so I guess it makes sense that she doesn’t give a damn.
No surprise there’s no food.  No vendor will give free food to a party of 350 no matter what, and if it ain’t free, LeeAnn ain’t doing it.

:: Carole :: 
I hate even giving her attention, but first her marathon (DRINK!) post this week.

WE GET IT CAROLE.
YOU RAN A MARATHON.
It was your only damn story line of the season and NO ONE CARED THEN AND NO ONE CARES NOW.

and THEN
THENNNNNNN
long pause……
longer pause……
drag this next “then” out for 5 seconds….. 
AND THENNNNNNNNNNNNN
she posts something I thought was someone hacking her account.
Because this is what I read

“The craziest thing happened to me on the way to Los Angeles. Somewhere over Kansas,  I remembered I’d forgotten to pack my favorite vibrator. The one I got from my bff at @violetgrey. It’s called the Vesper and I love it (swipe to see closeup). I panicked. • . As luck would have it, I was traveling with my friend @Grant_hughes_ who, in a odd twist of fate, is good friends with Ti Chang the founder of @Lovecrave. He connected us on text and the next morning a new 24k gold Vesper arrived at my hotel. Crisis averted. 😂 • . I told Ti how much I loved the Vesper, not only as a vibrator but as a necklace too. That’s right the Vesper is an elegant necklace that double as a vibrator. Girls always ask me about the necklace and when I tell them it is also a vibrator they all want it. • . Ti asked if I would like to create my own limited edition Vesper. Yesssss! I wanted to personalize it, so in #Rhony style I came up with my own tag line. “DON’T KILL MY VIBE” which is discreetly engraved on the side. • . In this case, SIZE DOESN’T MATTER, it’s small but powerful. • ⛓in bio to order your limited edition necklace/vibe. I promise all your girlfriends will want one. “

SHE IS HAWKING A VIBRATOR THAT YOU WEAR AROUND YOUR NECK.
A NECKLACE VIBRATOR.
THAT IS ENGRAVED. WITH DON’T KILL MY VIBE.
CAROLE. THE SELF PROCLAIMED NBC NEWS IMPORTANT JOURNALIST.
THAT WAS MARRIED TO A KENNEDY.
I SERIOUSLY CANNOT.
oh and one of my favorite parts is that when you scroll to her second pic, the took the BLURRY intial photo and ZOOMED IN to an even blurrier photo of it.
(cough….. I know….
…my photo quality is that of my 8 month olds snapping pics on my iPhone but people, again, this isn’t about me being a hypocrite….. this is about CAROLE.)

:: vanderpump rules trailer ::
This show sucks so much of my time and the people are truly THE WORST but Gawd it’s always GEWD.

::RHONY ::
There are rumors Tinz has quit the show during the middle of filming.

Say what you want about Tinz, but I need her – and I need Dayyyyle.
Especially with no Bethenny!
HashtagStillNotOverIt

:: OC ::
UGH.  WHY AM I EVEN WATCHING THIS GARBAGE?!?! Give me 19 hours of Bachelor/ette/Paradise with only 20 minutes of real footage instead of this GARBAGE.
I will never get over Emily performing in a lingerie and a lace overlay jumpsuit for her MOTHER AND **FATHER** IN LAW.  It is forever ingrained in my mind.

Shane is an ass for SO many reasons, but watching him taunt her with bread after she says no thank you and then order french fries at dinner makes me want to strangle him.  He’s such an ass.

The fact that these women behave they way they do IN PUBLIC, like on that train and in the restaurant, BOGGLES MY MIND.

I really feel for Gina with all of the Matt stuff, but I was DYING over them airing her getting her hair bleached out and Kelly Dodd’s reaction to it.

Also, side note – the fact that these women constantly share their kids personal issues -eating disorders, processing/sensory disorders, etc – is just so wrong to me.  We do NOT need to be filling 40 minutes of a tv show about these women with private things about their kids.

Tamra is being classic Tamra (and classic Vicki) and lighting sheyite on fire and then acting like she has nothing to do with it.

Why on earth would Shannon ever think she’s exempt from the trash talking?

:: Teresa and Joe :: 
So many thoughts.  I can’t.
His ORANGE JACKET that he doesn’t even think is orange.
These are truly the dumbest people on the face of the planet.

A particular highlight is Teresa saying “He’s on the other side of the country!” and Andy respinds “the world” while she nods “Yeah!!”  like a total moron. I truly don’t even think she thought he was correcting her, just that he was saying ‘he’s a world away’.
I also appreciated him acting as though the two of them are what put Housewives and Bravo on the map and the “greatest thing to ever happen to” Andy.
They are so over and have been over for a long time, which good riddance, he’s awful.  (so is she, just in a different way.) But these poor kids!
And of course, he still TRULY doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong.  He’s a hard worker! He didn’t just sit around all day.

:: RHONJ ::
I can’t believe I took so much time off this show because I am realllllly back in it.
I liked Jackie last season but already I’m giving her a HARD NO just one episode in.
The other new one…. what’s her name??!?! Married to the plastic surgeon?! She brings it and I’m here for it, even if she’s obnoxious.  And this lewk is heeeedeous.  She looks great though otherwise.

Nothing to report with Marge …. wonder if the tags are still on her bedside table lamps and if we’ll have to see nude scenes of her showering with her husband?!
Dolores and her relationship with her ex-husband and boyfriend and son….. slow. clap. for. Dolores.
I always love Melissa and just feel badly for her that she has to be related to Teresa.
Teresa.  I can’t.  Teresa saying “Melissa, people respect you because you’re my sister in law.”  I CANNOT WITH HER.
Biggest egomaniac in all of Housewives? Debatable….
Biggest idiot? 100%.
But I’m very sad for Teresa’s poor children….. ugh.

:: RHOA :: 
I have sat out on this show for several years, but now I’m jumping back in.  Maybe it’s because OC has been such garbage… maybe it’s because I’m a stay at home mom of twins with no social life …. it’s tough to say……
BUT I think I liked the first episode because Nene wasn’t in it.  I really cannot stand Nene.  Maybe the Bravo Gods will bless me with less Nene but I doubt it…..

:: Southern Charm :: 
Madison and Austen are back together again and posted this on Halloween.

I can only hope their show is being filmed right now because last season was a total BORE other than her crazy antics.

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK :: 
Below Deck.  The gift that keeps on giving.  I could watch the episodes with Brandy a hundred times and not get sick of it.  I think I rewound her scenes about 12 times.
I of course could find no gif’s…. so here a bunch of pics instead.
But if you saw…. you know these don’t do it any justice whatsoever.

:: Jackhole of the Week ::
I mean Carole was my obvious go-to for this week but outtanowhere DAVID BEADOR for the WIN!
These photos of him and his girlfriend nude on a hike in Lake Como.  I can’t.  So obnoxious.
but my second thought after

is …. where’s her nipple???

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
my apologies for lack of Coffee Talk.  My little twin loves take after their mother and if the television is on their eyes are LOCKED and IN LOVE and want nothing else (DAMMIT!) 

images from : bravo, giphy, us weekly, people, enews