I can’t believe that 2019 is over and that 2020 has begun.  I don’t think I’ve ever been sad to have a year end until now, but I really wish I could start January 1, 2019 all over again (even with the low points).


(more on my planner at the bottom of today’s post!) 

To say that 2019 was the wildest year yet is an understatement to say the least.  And a lot of 2019 is a complete blur.  It was the “best year ever” as cheesy as that sounds, and it was also the most exhausting, emotional, lonely, terrifying, happiest, love filled year of my life.
Having twins was something I never could have prepared for – in ANY way, not only in terms of the baby/motherhood aspect but also in terms of the personal aspects.
I am trying *NOT* to focus on baby or motherhood in this post….. although I suppose there really is no true separation between myself and “mom” from now on (as the few isolated hangovers I have had have taught me…woof….) …. but I am going to try to focus more on “personal” thoughts and goals for the year for today.

I don’t really make resolutions and haven’t for a few years.  I do like the idea of intentions though. Having the twins has taught me (amongst 9,000 other things) that all you can do at the end of the day is your best, and as long as everyone is happy and healthy, I really can’t ask for more than that.

In 2019 I found an entirely new side of myself that I am so proud of in terms of my role as a mom, but I do hope to find a tiny bit of my “former” self this year, or at least a slightly better balance in my life.
I am still reminding myself that you can’t pour from an empty cup.

There is nothing earth shattering here.  And in typical “me” style it’s really just rambling and a mindless brain dump (with probably a million grammatical errors.)   Much like how I never could have predicted how each month with the girls would go this past year, I can’t imagine what challenges (and amazing moments) are coming my way this coming year.
I want to try to focus on the things I can *try* to improve upon, and know that at the end of the day, I have everything I need or want and tomorrow is a new day to start over and be better.

there isn’t really anything fitness related here, I’ll share those in a separate post next week since fitness/workout/health posts were a top request in my instagram poll! 

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Let go of what I can’t control | I have spent a lot of time the last 3 months stressing out over things that I have absolutely zero control over.  No good can come from putting so much energy into things that I truly have no power over.  I need to re-focus that energy to things I can actually change or make better.

Be more Patient + Kind | While the babies have made me such a more patient person, it’s like I use every ounce of it up with them and have none left for anyone else – like my husband.  I need to react less and be kind more.  (I know that should be “and be more kind” but I like the way “do X less and Y more “sounds so just go with it……)

Blog more intentionally | This blog is such a happy place for me and in 2019 it became a bit of a stressor.  I hated that I didn’t have time for Coffee Talk (your favorite as well as mine) or have any outfits to share or didn’t have time to even open my laptop.  So when I would try to blog late at night or during a free moment, it felt like a burden because my mind would just be on a million other things or I wanted to just relax and shove food in my mouth while the girls slept.  I want to carve more time out for this space that has made me so happy.

MAYBE talk on instagram stories | This truly terrifies me. I always say if I am ever doing Kareoke, call the paramedics because something has gone very, very wrong and I have been drugged.  I’m a very extroverted person when I am with people I know, but I am an extreme introvert with public speaking or being in groups of strangers. Even talking in my IG stories truly makes me feel ill.  But trying to have “zero effs” this year and be a grown ass woman.  This may also be a “eff it, I don’t like it, so I’m not going to talk” thing…. the jury is still out.

Have a brain + Be funny again | I swear I used to be funny….. so perhaps now that I’m not as tired, let’s hope that my brain cells with return and my usual sarcasm will as well.

Work on the Mom Anxiety | I never had anxiety until the babies were born (well… other than Sunday Scaries.)  I feel like it’s better than it was at the 7-8 month mark, but leaving them gives me anxiety, so I don’t leave them. And I know that needs to change this year.

Leave. The. House. | Sigh. Louder now:  “LEAVE. THE. HOUSE.” Repeat……

More Wine + More TV | Ughhhhh YEAH.  I mean it.  More wine means I will be out socializing with friends, which did not happen enough last year, and more TV means I’m making time for what’s important: garbage to mindlessly escape at night.  No shame.  Sorry, not sorry.

Cook | 2 Instant Pot Meals a month ? or try two new recipes ? or just COOK/MAKE 2 meals a month. Try.  If not, whatever.  This is honestly the lowest on my list and used to always be top of my list haha.  But I do love being in the kitchen so it would be nice to do this for myself again (and I’m sure my husband would appreciate it a tad as well.)

Read as much as I want, not as much as I think I should | I do love reading, but I also have a lot of sheyite going on and if I want to watch 3 hours of Bravo or The Bachelor at night DAMMIT I WILL.  Whatever fills your cup people.
currently reading Little Fires Everywhere and about 1/2 way done! Loving it so far! 

Go on a trip with my girlfriends | I haven’t had quality girl time since 2018….. the time is now.

Go on a trip with my husband | I haven’t had quality time with my husband since 2018…. haha…. the time is now.
(I know trips with the babies will happen as they did in 2019!)

Go sit anywhere outside of my damn house by myself | Seriously. This doesn’t need to be a trip but there hasn’t been a day yet for me without the babies (and sure that is “my choice” as my husband reminds me)…. but this year I need to learn. to. go. away. for. a. hot. minute. Anywhere other than my bedroom during a nap or a car ride to the grocery store sounds dreamy.

Be more organized | It would be WONDERFUL if any time someone was coming over I wasn’t moving things from one room to another or from the counter to a closet, etc.  The only time my house is “organized” is when one room has become the designated dump zone.  Ya feel me?!

Purge | to continue from “be more organized”….. I feel so good after I purge spaces and I know there is *so* much stuff in this house that can be donated or given to others who can actually use it.

Donate | I want to not only donate monthly to Goodwill/Salvation Army/etc but also to donate more to charities.  When donating money to the Australia fires I realized I usually am only donating during times of crisis, so that needs to change.

Take the girls out more | Their schedule has been my lifeline these first 10 months, and I stay home 99% of the time instead of saying yes to opportunities because of stress/anxiety over what may happen.  If they flip out, big deal, we can leave, but I need to *try* things more because usually they are so happy to be surrounded by people and have new things/places to look at.

Focus on the positive | Waking up with a positive mindset helps so much with setting the tone for the day.  I am NOT a morning person, and I have realized I likely never will be. But when I have a positive mindset in the morning it really helps.  I honestly think I’m going to do post it notes or something on my mirror so that it sets the day off on the right note (editors note: oh wait…. I usually don’t even brush my teeth until after the girls go down for their morning nap…. and I sure as hell am not waking up earlier than I need to…. so maybe post it notes in the kitchen or above their changing station ha!)

Enjoy the moment | I am always thinking about what’s next for the girls and all about their schedule that sometimes I keep us or me from just enjoying the moments we’re in.

Work on the mom guilt | I mean, if yaknowyaknow.  No explanation needed.

Top 3 | I am a big procrastinator and make huge to do lists to get…. well… barely anything done.  I heard on a podcast last year about really identifying what actually needs to be done that day and not a huge list you know you aren’t going to accomplish.  I’m going to highlight a “top 3” each day to finish and hopefully that will lead to getting more than 3 done!

Become my healthiest self | Unrelated to fitness, this more overall mental and physical health.  Stress less, smile more.

Less chemicals in the house | With the babies I work hard to have everything be chemical free/organic/etc, and now I want to try incorporating that slowly into more areas of the house, starting with changing up all our cleaning supplies.

Let go of things | I’ve been holding on to A LOT lately.  A. Lot. I need to come to terms with certain things and let them go before I let them swallow me whole.

Practice Gratitude | I am so grateful for the life that I have and want to remind myself how blessed and fortunate we are.

Do something about my melasma | This is vain and I DON’T CARE.  I have the state of Alaska in brown spots on my forehead and I need to see a professional to help me finally do something more extreme (laser? peel? etc?) with my 5+ year battle with melasma bullshit.

Don’t give a damn | I got sooooo much better at this last year (kids will do that to you I guess?) but I really want to not give a shey*te at all and just do me this year.  It took me years to ever let anyone know about this blog, even longer to make a public instagram, even longer to show my face all over IG, and I need to just not give a damn and do as I damn please.  I want to live in a world of Zero F’s given.

Recover the chair in our living room | I’m putting this in writing because my husband made a comment about it over break that it’s “no big deal of course” and I have been waiting my entire adult life to recover this chair (truly, it’s a chair from my parents that I’ve had since I moved into my first apartment after college).  He doesn’t read my blog, so I guess I don’t need it here, but this way I have all of you to back me up if needed when he sees the price and tries to back out 🙂 (I mayyyyy have fibbed a bit in the past about what the couch and chair we recovered cost and just paid for all of it from my account….. whoops…..)

And similar to how I feel every time I sit down to type….. I have no idea what I just wrote but am too tired to proofread my own nonsense. So we will just go with it!
And sorry…… I guess there was a lot of baby and motherhood garbage in there….. but that was 2019!

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OH.  AND MOST IMPORTANTLY. THE PLANNER!

I am a planner FREAK. I love them OH SO MUCH.  Colorful planners make me so happy.

I have used the Day Designer, The Simplified Planner, Erin Condren, Lilly Pulitzer, and tons and tons of different planners that I picked up from Paper Source or Target.  I love them all for different reasons.
Sadly in 2019 my planner was completely empty.  Bedrest started mid-January, then I had them March 1, and the rest required very little “planner” necessary! I basically used one page from each month to make never ending to do lists that I never crossed off.

BUT 2020 IS MY YEAR!!!!!
I am going to DO THINGS.  Like…… ALL THE THINGS I LISTED ABOVE, DAMMIT!

I always saved the stickers I never used from previous planners so I now have quite the collection of stickers and colored markers and all the things a 12 year old would love that this 33 year old just can’t get enough of!
Call me crazy, but a *pretty* planner makes for a utilized planner.  To do lists are much more fun when they are color coded and pretty.

I went back to the Erin Condren Planner this year and I couldn’t love it more. I chose the vertical layout (you can customize to your liking) and there is so much space for everything, great options for notes and goals at the start of each month, a full calendar page, tons of notes pages at the back, pockets to tuck things (like all of these stickers) into, etc.  I truly can’t recommend it enough!

She also makes planners for bridal, teacher, softbound, monthly you name it!
And you can customize your layouts (and months!) entirely!
You also can upload photos, quotes, anything to make your own cover for your planner.

(Much better images of inside of the planner from her site!)

and finally,

THANK YOU to all of you who are new to the blog via instagram or have been following along since the It’s The Little Things days.  It means more to me than you will ever know that this outlet I kept secret for years and years and YEARS has connected me with so many of you. Your messages, from sweet supportive words to hilarious commentary, have always been such a bright spot in my days.  I can’t thank you enough!