DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES………
:: LOVE IS BLIND ::
Spoilers ahead…..
If you have not watched this how : PLEASE GO WATCH.
Wow. Wow wow wow. I loved this show. I devoured this show. I need a season 2 of this show in my life RIGHT. NOW. The entire concept of this show is just wonderful. Dating completely “blind” sequestered in pods and talking for hours upon hours on end. And then being hurled into reality to face things like credit card debt from your Sephora credit card and student loans when you didn’t even face college and a drunk blonde who stay the hell away from your man.
Even though Amber started off being the certifiably insane one, Gianina really ended up taking the cake for me in the end. Amber is the “I’ll fight with my fists and bash your car windows in with a baseball bat” trailer trash crazy.
But Gianina is the psycho girlfriend-I’ll flip a switch in the time it takes to blink-and cause more drama than you ever thought possible kind of crazy.
And don’t even get me STARTED on Jessica.
The baby voice, the constant pulling and flipping and playing with the hair, the messy drunk who won’t let go of the age difference despite her being way more immature than her chosen match she has no intention of staying with….. I could go on and on. And it truly alarms me how someone that age with a microphone and a camera on her at all times can get that sloppy drunk EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Also…. how awkward was this initial introduction in episode 1?
I loooooove me some Nick Lachey (even after listening to Jessica Simpson’s Open Book which you REALLY should listen to because it was amazing) and am hoping he didn’t mean for it to come off as completely douchey as it did. (my computer is not recognizing douchey as a word, but it stays.)
:: THE BACHELOR ::
WOW. I was not expecting this dramatic of a finale…. for once.
However, please let me say that NOTHING is more annoying than blatant lying for no reason. I’m looking at you Chris Harrison. Acting like Peter doesn’t know you went to tell Madison he was single?! And then the first words out of Madison’s mouth when she flies to see you are “Chris Harrison came to see me.”
Why? I just don’t understand why he tries to build suspense with that stuff?!
But before we jump to the ending. Part of the beginning.
Why is this sex conversation with his parents and brother such an open thing?! I meannnnn. The “I know you’re a sexual person and that’s really important” is not something that should be coming out of your family members mouths.
Why on EARTH did he propose?! And they say in the proposal “Madison….she left two days ago.” As though YOU sent her home?! PUH-LEASE.
The real winner in this situation – and in all Bachelor/ette situations is the person who doesn’t get picked.
So Hannah Ann, congrats.
Except for all of her outfit choices. (with the exception of after the final rose……that was a good one.)
Time for what seems to be my unpopular opinion about Peter’s mom:
SHE IS RIGHT.
Is she crazy? Hell yes.
Is she an oblivious idiot who doesn’t realize there is a set camera on her THE ENTIRE TIME and that she has a MIC on?! Hell yes.
But is she right that Madi and Peter have legitimately nothing in common in terms of their lifestyle and are not a good match? HELL YES.
The fact that she said what she said is mind boggling to me – but I’m here for it.
ANNNNNDDD THENNN……
The After the Final Rose was Tuesday, by Thursday night Madi and Peter announced they are ALREADY done.
Even by Bachelor standards, DAYUM. That was fast!?!
Then Madi is out shopping for board games on IG Stories with Selena Gomez that night? What?!
How did all of that happen in 48 hours?!
And MORE importantly, why do I waste my time watching this garbage.
Every year. Every episode. I’m ashamed.
just kidding I clearly have zero shame……
:: HANNAH AND TYLER ::
In more Bachelor news, Tyler was seeing picking up Hannah B from the airport two days ago….. so maybe those two are together?! Or just needing some press?! Don’t really care either way except I think Tyler should go for someone outside of the Bachelor crowd…
:: RHONJ REUNION ::
Jennifer.
Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer.
BLESS HER for this show but BLESS HER HEART for her commentary.
I meannnnnnn. Wow.
She knows more about Melissa and if she wants a babby or not and knows more about Dolores and her relationship with the Doctor (who cares what his name is I’m not even googling like I normally do) than they do. Of course.
She doesn’t let anyone talk….ever….and always has to be talking.
I love Marge’s line of “we don’t judge you by your cover, the covers’ gorgeous, it’s your insides that suck.”
Teresa talked about the Sabra Hummus commercial which basically amounted to what is always does: Teresa pretending she hasn’t blamed anyone else for her and Joe’s situation. These two will never take accountability FOR ANYTHING and it is INFURIATING.
The men of New Jersey and the best part of this entire franchise.
I love that someone wrote in to comment that Jackie is several IQ points about Jennifer and Teresa and
Teresa’s response is her typical confused face and “whaaa?”
Danielle showing up to this reunion…. WITH MARTY.
I cannot.
Looking forward to part 3 and the ending to the “I MUST be seated next to Andy” tantrum.
:: Vanderpump Rules ::
How many episodes is this wedding going to be?!
Truly…..
We had a princess shower with Disney characters, a murder mystery rehearsal dinner, and the pre-wedding night theme was wear onesies of characters you’d find in a castle.
I CANNOT.
And it looks like next week is all about Kristin and her typical antics.
I can’t.
One thing I will NOT bash is this tacky Versailles in the middle of nowhere Kentucky because I still stand behind my commentary that I would have LOVED to have had all of our friends stay in one place together and get to party for 3 days leading up the wedding.
I would NOT however have stood on the balcony and yelled “I’M GETTING MARRIED Y’ALL” for the 9,457 time.
:: Summer House ::
This Carl + Lindsay attempt at dating is just mind boggling.
The fact that Lindsay thought Carl, who she knows probably bbetter than anyone else, could change his ways even for A WEEK is unreal.
Luke is not my type AT ALL but I can see why he is attractive….especially in some modeling pics I saw. HOWEVER. I saw him on my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen’s WWHL and WOW WHAT HAPPENED?! He looked TERRIBLE.
Oh and Jordan being back and having this “thing” with the new girl….sigh…. why does he keep subjecting himself to this stuff on NATIONAL TELEVISION!?
:: BELOW DECK SAILING YACHT ::
Still can’t stand these people….
Adam and whatever-her-damn-name-is-Chief-Stew are the worst.
The sound of her voice is nails on a chalkboard.
And the stuff coming out of Paget’s mouth!!
I know I talked about this on IG stories but I don’t think we’ve discussed on Coffee Talk. Unreal.
Talking so much crap about his redheaded girlfriend when she is two feet away.
These two are really the worst.
:: FAMILY KARMA ::
Bravo just started a new show and I am not sure about it…. I want the commentary from the parents more than from their children. I like it though and obviously have no standards for television so I will be watching. (I mean it’s 10x better than RHOC so there’s that…..)
I did *LOVE* the breaking of the fourth wall to drag production into things, like the dad asking a producer if she was married or had kids yet, and the girl getting the camera man to try her food and him telling her to save that bowl for him to eat. THAT is kind of unscripted reality television I need in my life.
:: SHAHS ::
Oh. My. Lawd.
They snuck Shahs of Sunset into the schedule on Friday for some reason and it was the episode we had all been waiting for: the Reza and MJ confrontation.
(Side note: only MJ wears a crop top to deliver a baby.)
I do NOT understand how all of this has come to this?!
Why didn’t Reza go visit MJ in the hospital? Why did he call MJ while she was recovering from the birth and traumatic events that followed and yell at her about what that guy Ali said?
Why is all of this not just ALI’s fault and they get over it?!
When Reza yelled what he yelled at MJ at Sara’s pool party my jaw hit the floor.
I was in shock that he said it and then that he REPEATED it.
(side note: SARA DATED R KELLY FOR 3 YEARS?!?!?!)
but I digress…..
I mean. WOW. There is no coming back in this friendship….. and it seems from their appearances on my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen’s WWHL that there has been nothing even close to a reconciliation. I think the two of them are done for good which seems so insane after 30 years of friendship. They have fought over far more than a random guy saying that someone is cheating? WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS?!
Also. GG having a baby is ….. I’m trying to be kind but….. oh man. Scary.
:: Jackhole of the Week ::
Joe Giudice using his 3 brain cells to focus on the matters at hand from Italy :
:: Another Bravo Jackhole of the Week ::
Brandi and Kim are having an “event” together at the Irvine Improv called “Blonde and Blonder: The Reality of our Reality”.
I can’t with these two trainwrecks.
:: Updated Jackhole ::
I wrote most of this last week, so obviously the current Jackhole is COVID-19.
I hope you all are staying safe and healthy!
:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK ::
Dolores revealed on my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen’s WWHL that Frank + Dolores’ boyfriend are living together – without her – and her boyfriend is taking care of Frank while he recovers from TWO broken legs. That is love.
:: UPDATED MAZEL ::
Mazel to all of you practicing social distancing.
Drink that wine, binge that show, clean those closets…… slash be trapped in your home with your husband and kids 24 hours a day……. you’re being selfless and cheers to you!
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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
my apologies for lack of Coffee Talk. My little twin loves take after their mother and if the television is on their eyes are LOCKED and IN LOVE and want nothing else (DAMMIT!)
I’m also too tired to proofread my own nonsense,
so if it reads as though Teresa Giudice wrote it…….sorry not sorry.