TALK AMONGST YA-SELVES…….

:: 90 Day Fiance :: 
If you want to waste your time during quarantine in the BEST way humanly possible, you need to be watching this show.  Please.  My jaw was on the floor for this weeks Before The 90 Days especially with David and Lana.
I mean.  I can’t.  It is the one of the only shows my husband watches and we BOTH scream at the TV ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THIS?! STILL?!
And I won’t ruin anything but my jaw HIT THE FLOOR the final 2 minutes of the episode.

And this LEWK of a leather trench coat with a mustard (or “gold” as he calls it) shirt…whilst carrying a Victoria’s Secret bag filled with lotions and candles.  I meannnnn……

I am so invested in this damn show.

:: RHOA :: 
I hadn’t watched Atlanta in years and years but dove back in this season and am SO glad I did.
I was wondering how a virtual reunion would go and WOW.  It was amazing.
The Shady Bunch!

I was dying laughing the entire time.  Porcha’s one liners are not to be believed.
Her social distancing comment had me howling.

My-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen having the ability to mute people.  Nene slamming the computer down instead of walking off. ALL OF IT.  So, so good.

:: RHOBH ::
Ohhhhh Kyle.  It ain’t gonna be good for you this season…. I can tell.
And I don’t know how this is happening, but I am very much on Team Dorit right now?!
WHAT HAS GOTTEN IN TO ME?!

AND THEN I felt my heart of ice regarding Sutton begin to melt when she was nervous and cried in the car going to the All in By Teddi event.  Is quarantine making me crazy!?!? I know the answer is yes but I didn’t think it would go so far as to change my opinions on my Housewives!

No need to even comment on this “retreat” except WHAT DID PEOPLE PAY TO ATTEND THIS?! If someone knows please tell me, because I am guessing they were robbed blind for one session of boxing + yoga and then some crappy build your own fajitas bar to end the day.

Dorit shows up late in full on glam – to the event she was repeatedly told she didn’t need to come to, come and leave whenever, I don’t care if you’re there blah blah blah – and Kyle is NOT having it.  Teddi “DIDN’T CARE” so why do you?! Also, what did you expect from Dorit?!

After the “retreat”, they all go to Denise’s for a party.  I was shocked that she really seemed to go all out for this and thought it was HYSTERICAL that for a backyard pizza and ice cream party she got a diamond ice sculpture.  Only Denise.
The dinner drama begins (after Kyle attempt to brush a hair off of Dorit’s face that is shellacked there intentionally)

Kyle kicks it off by making a “ragamuffin” comment about Denise?! REALLY?!

I have loved Denise’s clap-backs on this week instagram with #Ragamuffin and all of her insane acting/modeling pictures where she is just the most gorgeous human being ever.

ALSO, aside from that, why are you bashing her for not being a pretentious Sutton-type raving about her COUTURE.  That’s who she AND it’s her appeal quite frankly?! Now that LVP is gone is Kyle trying to be the ring leader queen or something?! It wasn’t a good look on Kyle AT ALL and I LOVE KYLE.  Don’t a beverly hills betch.

I’m with Dorit once again that it is SO obnoxious that Kyle and Teddi are each other’s mouth-piece.  The one thing I am not on her side for this week is her pettiness over Kyle and Teddi sleeping in the same bed.  Who cares!? When I go on trips with my girlfriends we share rooms all the time even if there is an extra room or bed for someone to sleep solo?! So stupid.  But yes, the two of them are obnoxious.

Lisa takes it to the next level (of course, which we love her for) by stating that Kyle does not always stick up for her friends because she stood up for “I love turtles” crazy Kim over her.  I mean, duh.  It’s her sister.  This sends Kyle into a tizzy and she cries and throws an F-you and we get a to be continued…

The whole episode was not a good one for Kyle.

ALSO. This moment from Rinna shading Lori Laughlin cracked me up.

:: RHONY :: 

I really think (FOR NOW) that BH is crushing NY.  I always love NY, but I do miss Bethenny lately.  The Hamptons stuff kept me endlessly entertained… but now that we are back in the city with scenes of Jacques doing stand up that I can barely comprehend I NEED BETHENNY.  Or at least Bethenny’s confessional commentary of Jacques doing stand up that no one can understand.

I NEED HER AND I NEED HER NOW.

But seriously….. this Jacques stand up…..

And truly…. what is this podcast/event?! Stand up comedy with some VERY interesting “jokes”
for an event that is benefitting anti-bullying? Huh?! What?!
And the location?!? This where the SUMMER HOUSE 20 somethings were for drinks?!

The LuAnn taking the drink thing was no surprise – especially when she was drinking WHILE on probation.

I feel like Ramona is actually sincere when she talks about Lu and the drinking stuff versus Dorinda who teased her with booze in the Hamptons and now is like “YAY YOU DID IT! I’m glad it’s over!!” Methinks Dorinda is wanting some of the focus off of HER and her own drinking and hopes to keep it on Lu?!

But seriously – this Elyse person – PLEASE GET OFF MY SCREEN.
Why is she getting a confessional?! HOW did I not realize they were making her a “friend” this season?!
She apparently is infamous for being a terrible person and caused a whole riot/protest after firing her nanny.  And someone messaged me on instagram and told me that in one of the earlier episodes she said “if I were these women’s therapist I’d commit suicide”.  HOW DID I MISS THIS?!
I cannot stand her and she needs TO GO.

Despite not being a hit of an episode, I always love it.
Just Sonja’s never ending comments about her cleanse is enough for me.

:: VANDERPUMP RULES :: 
Jax Taylor has been and continues to be the worst person possibly in all of reality TV land.  He is terrible.
I used to feel sympathy for Brittany but that ended a long time ago.  She had 9,000 moments of seeing her future/life but she clearly wanted the Bravo-leb life more than anything.
I loved that Tom and Ariana had a pool party at the same time as him. So petty and the perfect way to stick it to a 40 year old man that acts like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum.

Every word out of Jax’s mouth this week was nails on a chalboard.  The “brain” commentary?!
“My brain is a-sprained.  Like when you sprain your ankle, you don’t walk on it.  That’s how the brains work.”
And then ending the episode with “I’m going to take it out on Brittney.”
This man is pathological.

Ok….and I said it last time and I’ll say it again.  The creepy stuff with LVP, that SHE starts and then Schwartz leans in to and gives 5 minute confessionals talking about SHAVING HER LEGS …. I CANNOT.  Can’t, shan’t, won’t.

:: SCHEANA SHAY ::
The more important VPR news this week is a producer/editor purposely trying to make Scheana look terrible and talking about it on a (now deleted) podcast.  I’m thinking she has now been fired?!

Scheana was the whole reason this spin-off made sense (her with Brandi Glanville’s ex Eddie Cibrian.  I always think it’s such a shame when I remember him because DAMN is he gorgeous…. but clearly a scumbag.)
But truly…. Scheana carries this show.  Justice for Scheana.

:: SOUTHERN CHARM ::
Welp.  I’m not sure I even care about filming difficulties for the upcoming season of Southern Charm anymore because I just learned that Cameron, Naomi, and Chealsea are not returning.  (The loser boys with no jobs are ALL returning of course.) Kathryn Dennis was filming before production halted but she has gotten herself into some SERIOUS hot water (no surprise) this week so we will see what comes from that.  We all know LeeAnne on Dallas was rightfully fired (or “not returning” as she says) due to her racist comments so we’ll see what happens with Kathryn.
Today Gwynn’s – the clothing store that has always seemed to be her only “gig” – posted this to IG and has dropped her.

Madison, the young girl that is the part owner (or owner’s daughter?) who was on Below Deck and has been on the show last season as a friend occasionally, was apparently a full cast member for the season they had begun filming before covid-19.

:: BELOW DECK SAILING YACHT :: 
These two.  Ugh.

That is all.

:: RHOP :: 
Real Housewives of Potomac was supposed to be released early May but they have pushed it back so that they will have shows to air later during this wild time.  Which I am ALL FOR.  I’m going to need something to watch so THANK YOU for saving some things for us for later.
BUT! Ashley Darby’s husband is at it again! New footage released of him cheating/more scandal surrounding him once again.

WHY IS SHE WITH THIS MAN?!

:: JACKHOLE OF THE WEEK ::
The OC women.  All of them.

Not so sure you are following the rules clearly written across your mask, but whatever.
And I really can’t even with Kelly Dodd during all of this. 

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK ::
There’s so much good stuff on instagram but my favorite is always Good News Movement.  They make me cry every week and it’s so nice to see GOOD NEWS when the bad feels like it’s everywhere these days.
This post from Mother’s Day was the sweetest thing ever.

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
my apologies for lack of weekly Coffee Talk like the good old days.
My little twin loves take after their mother and if the television is on their eyes are LOCKED and IN LOVE and want nothing else which leaves me little time for my beloved TV until late at night.
I’m also too tired to proofread my own nonsense,
so if it reads as though Teresa Giudice wrote it…….sorry not sorry. 

images from : bravo, giphy, us weekly, people, enews, reality tea, tenor