DISCUSS AMONGST YA-SELVES……

:: Bachelor in Paradise :: 

This week focuses primarily on Leo, and therefore I want to vomit.  Just looking at him repulses me.  How on earth did Becca keep him around as long as she did?! Leo already had his life publicly ruined due to his sexual harassment allegations, but he isn’t doing himself any favors or showing any signs that allegations may be false with BIP.
After his date with Kendall, he made out with Chelsea.  Everyone knew but Chelsea.  So the Canadian Shrek lived up to his sweet Canadian sterotype and did the kind thing by telling her.

Kendall asks Leo about it, as calmly and nonchalantly as possible, and he goes nuts.  He does that thing that is so infuriating where it gets turned entirely around on the OTHER person.  As if him kissing someone else and lying about it was all Kendall’s doing and she is the one to blame?

Leo then goes on a rampage to find out who tattled on him.   The men on this show are such douche bags its insane.  The final demise is him wearing a leopard print shirt to the rose ceremony having a “confrontation” with grocery store Joe before the rose ceremony that the producers make look very aggressive with shaky camera angles but all that happens is a drink on Grocery Joe’s shirt.

We see A LOT of Krystal this week, at D-Bag #1 “The Goose” Chris and D-Bag #2 Connor fight for her (and her sheyite eating grin and mumbles and “mm hmmms” while she just stares seductively at them).  I mean, does the girl do anything but stare with a crazed smile and bat her eyelashes at them?  Men are such idiots.  Her fake raspy voice keeps sneaking it’s way back this week too.  She deserves these losers.

Chris The Goose is peesed that she is going on a date with Connor.  He can’t believe it! How dare she do the exact same thing to him that he did to Tia a few weeks ago!! The nerve of some people!!!

The love triangle between Benoit (can’t look at him with those mutton chops – is that what they’re called? That hideous facial hair?) Jordan and Jenna.  Is Jenna on drugs? Not asking in a mean way….. just genuinely don’t think someone can behave like that, no matter the amount of tequila, without drugs of some sort? She chooses Jordan.  Such tough choices for these ladies between all of these IDIOTS.

The humiliation of Annalease continues.  Kenny goes home to his daughters dance recital (I mean, didn’t you always know that was happening?!) and she’s devastated once again.

Until Kamil walks in.  Kamil was rejected night one on The Bachelorette for saying he’d meet  Becca 40/60.  Annalease looks like she’s going to eat him that’s how instantly obsessed she is.  At the end of their date she’s already saying things like “we’re one of the strongest couples in paradise” and I truly don’t understand where they find these lunatics.  Are they lacing their tacos with something?
Is this what the news is talking about with the bad booze in Mexico?
What is wrong with these people?

:: RHOC ::

Could Vicki be more obsessed with Steve Lodge? Or actually, any man – because it could really be anyone.  The picture of Vicki and Steve walking that she says looks like an engagement picture had me cracking up.  I remembered when I saw it on instagram months ago thinking that you could SEE the waddle THROUGH the photo.  No video needed to know those legs are pigeon toed and barely moving.

ALSO.  On a separate but VERY IMPORTANT note: it makes me CRAZY when couples do professional photo shoots despite just dating.  Just putting that out there.  It seems comes off clingy and possessive and like you’re desperate for a ring…….  which is all true for Vicki, so just proving my point……

I’m trying real hard not to judge Kelly for sending her daughter to CAMP on a PRIVATE JET.  I can’t.

Can you IMAGINE being on the golf course with these women for 18 holes?! I can’t.  Although I do think that breathalyzer would be REAL fun.

I CANNOT that Tamra has a GOLF VISOR that says Cut Fitness on it.  I can’t.  CANNOT.

The drama circles back to Emily’s husband and the confrontation between he and Gina.  Emily twists the words and says that Gina used the word “abusive” when describing what Shannon thought about their relationship.  Gina never said that word and somehow is able to diffuse the situation fairly well. Shannon still loves her sheyite in true Shannon form though.

Next week it looks like a big confrontation when Emily goes NUTS on Kelly Dodd.

:: RHONY :: 
Just to venture back to last week, I don’t know why people are acting like my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen was totally on Bethenny’s side.  All he did was correct statements that were false (like B inviting the media to Bobby’s funeral) and tell everyone to shut the eff up so that we could hear what the hell she was trying to say.  So all you Carole supporters need to SIMMER DOWN NOW. K? K!

On to this week….. which sadly did not live up to last week because it was just SO much of Bethenny and Carole yelling over each other.

We start with Dorinda and her drinking again.  Dorinda says she was sober in Cartagena at dinner.  Um…. I call bullsh*t?!  Dorinda is VICIOUS.  The way she snaps at Sonja to keep her mouth shut and calls her a drunk; she doesn’t need the booze to turn at the blink of an eye apparently.  Sonja points out that at least she doesn’t get drunk and insult friends vajayjay’s.  #Class

Oh, and the screaming of Jovani wasn’t heckling.  It was her politely acknowledging the beautiful dresses and their designer.  So polite that Dorinda!

They discuss Lu and I am SO MAD she couldn’t be at this reunion.  They all collectively chime in that they knew that she was drinking again, and Ramona shares some tales that sound like she was out of control drunk.

Bethenny was insane this week.  The back at forth with Carole was just too much.  And Carole, I can’t stand you, and YEAH you’ve done nothing the past few years but be on the TV show so quit acting like you had some busting career the past few seasons.  BUT.  How can Bethenny sit there and act like she never said anything mean about Carole all season? And why does she keep going back to being called a narcissist? To the point of saying “do you have a medical degree?” I mean…. you said she has no husband, no job, no kids….. I think being called a narcissist is a little less hurtful than that.

It’s all worth it though to watch Carole flip out again seeing that my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen is not going to save her.  When they each are acting like they never said anything – that it was all the OTHER person n- Carole flips out when he says “you BOTH bashed EACH OTHER on the show”.  Carole fumes “Shut up Andy! You’re so full of sh*t! Are you afraid of her too!?”  And my-boyfriend-andy-cohen’s jaw gapes straight open.  NO CAROLE.  YOU ARE FULL OF SH*T!

Oh and how could I forget! Tinsley spoke a few sentences!!!!

:: RHOD :: 
I do not understand this baby shower/baby reveal at Stephanie’s.  If you want everyone to arrive and STILL not know until Brandi comes down the stairs, you can’t have Bruin and Baby Bottles all over the party?!

WHAT is up with LeeAnne and these insane hair extensions? The purple in her confessional, and now this crazy crimped ombre red wheave (yes the H stays) down to her ass?

The girls go on an insane trip, PJ included – PJ being private jet and pajamas in this case, to Kam’s house in Beaver Creek.  The first stop is to Beaver Liquors and I am DYING.  Genius.  I want ALL of the hilarious liquor store tee’s.

The house is insane.
The elevator alone holds like 15 people!
Everything is going great for the ENTIRE first day, and then Kameron has to act like she is hurt and offended that she didn’t know about Brandi’s baby and that she was lied to for an HOUR about the surrogate thing.  What?!

Cary almost pulls a Tamra getting into the hot tub naked after dinner.

And then Kameron circles it back to Baby Bruin and that she didn’t know about it.
This is the dumbest argument in the history of the world and Kameron looks insane.
She storms off…… to push the elevator button….. she’s not angry enough to take the stairs.

:: Big Brother ::

I’m so Team Tyler it’s insane.
I NEED him to win.  I haven’t been rooting for a player like this in a long time.
Also, I cannot believe how dumb Fessy and “the other side of the house” are.

It’s UNREAL what has happened the past few weeks and that EVERY member of Level 6 is still there.

:: Mazel of the Week ::
Bravo is having a Project Runway Labor Day Marathon on Monday.
Yes. Puh-lease!

:: Jackhole of the Week :: 

Leo.

He continues to prove what an ass he is by going after more people on instagram and twitter instead of lying low when clearly he should be crawling into a hole. ‘
He’s even attacking baby-voiced Amanda Stanton.

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.

images from : bravo, giphy, us weekly, people, enews