coffee talk Archives - Page 24 of 45

:: COFFEE TALK ::

August 25, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

:: BACH IN PARADISE ::

We kick back off with Ashley / Princess Jasmine crying her eyes out that no one makes her happier than Jared and she misses him every time he leaves the room.

Good God.

She is so crazy. A level of crazy I just can’t even comprehend because I don’t think a single Bachelor contestant is on this level.

You hear her sobbing in the background while Jared cozies back up to Kayla. It was sad, yet hilarious.

Carly is now super into Evan…..

Of course she is!!! How could he have been so silly?

It was obviously Evan all along!

Rose Ceremony : Princess Jasmine Bright Red Lipstick doesn’t get a rose.

Thank God cry baby is gone.

OH WAIT. STOP THE CAR.

She’s not leaving. She’s walking back in.

Lord help us all.

This is also the one moment Kayla breaks her smiley giggly I’m so perfect character and has a moment of WTF and glimpse of normalcy.

Then she gets right back to smiling and giggling.

The only person more annoyed than me that Ashley is back is Nick. His reactions to everything she does is top notch.

Two new guys from Andi’s season that no one even recognizes because they got sent packing early.

One is after Kayla….

Kayla had been with Jared.

Kayla is asked on this date and she LITERALLY (but literally this time, not just like LITERALLY) changes her mind no less than 15 times, out loud, about if she is going on the date.

She agrees to go on a date…. then not…. then yes….. she changes her mind over + over, some of them within a span of seconds. She says “yeah lets go this’ll be fun…. pauses and takes two steps, and then… No. I’m staying here.”

UGH. Sorry for doing to you what she did to us…. in short : she freaking went.

she drives me nuts……

Princess Jasmine to Jared, fake consoling him that his love interest is going on a booze cruise with another Douche: “Does your heart hurt, the way mine did yesterday? You can cry…..”

No Ashley. Not everyone is freaking Carrie from Homeland and cries 24/7 like you do!

Kayla on the Booze Cruise, still changing her mind about going on the date:

“I think I should leave….” Um. You’re on a boat. You. can’t.

To any drink her date offers or to any of the games that are on the boat they are supposed to be partaking in : “No, thanks. No….. Thank you. I’m fine. I guess you didn’t realize this is all I do…. smile and giggle and let you look at my perfect hair.”

I really can’t with her. I just can’t.

Just buck up like the twins and realize its all in good fun GEEZ.

Back at the bunny ranch, Grant confessed his love for Lace.

In a hot tub.

GOOD LORD.

Izzy got a lady boner when one of the unknowns walked in….. so after staring at him for a hot minute she’s thinking she’s done with Vinny. Apparently she has similar taste in mens hair styles to Jojo’s taste, and when she sees a man who requires lots of time fixing his bouffant on his head and facial hair in the bathroom, she’s like well Duh I gotta see whats up with that.

NIGHT TWO….. it just never ends

Y’ALL. THE MOST STABLE COUPLE IN PARADISE IS BREAKING UP. (insert gasp and hand to chest!)

Izzy took one look at a guy she thought was hotter than Vinny, and quote “she just can’t”.

just kidding that wasn’t a quote…. but the sum of her nonsense conversation is “she just can’t”.

Vinny is packing up and leaving because of Izzy. Izzy saw a hot man, didn’t even speak to him, and her whole world and everything she thought she knew fell apart and now she doesn’t think she make out with Vinny in the pool all day anymore!

Everyone is FREAKED.

Because, lets face it, if Vinny and Izzy can’t survive a week in paradise, what hope is there for the rest of us??? I am fearing for my marriages safety at this point!!!

To calm everyones fears about LOVE, a real testament to paradise and love and marriage arrives to save the day, Tanner and Jade! They made out for two weeks and look! They got married! Theres hope for everyone!

Kayla and Jared get chose to go on a date, and while Jared is excited for the date, I think Kayla is just excited for some more screen time. She’s like “I’ll show you I should have been the Bachelorette!” and then YAWN. Ugh she just drives me nuts. Love her hair though. Love.

Smiles, Shakes perfect hair, Giggles, says Yeah a lot, Giggles more.

Ashley/Princess Jasmine is trying to get through all of it because she knows that Jared really loves her! They are meant to be!

Carly must be sneaking out and hitting up those Mexican drug places where you can get a bunch of prescription drugs without a prescription, and then popping them every day while mixing them with a margarita from the bartender Jorge, because she is still on this Evan train and I. JUST. CAN’T.

editors note : I just realized Kayla is spelled Caila but I don’t feel like going through and editing it 🙂

:: ODD MOM OUT ::

it’s just so darn good. so. so. good.

Why is it the finale next week?

I laugh my head off. Every week.

:: RHOC ::

Tamra interprets Kelly Dodd’s behavior as justifiable because she sees herself in it…. Kelly has been hurt so badly that she wants to hurt others….. uhmmmm no. That’s not an excuse. But okay.

I was proud of Meghan King Edmonds for not backing down with Kelly and saying that her behavior was inexcusable though. And it being completely hypocritical. And for saying she was literally psychotic. Go Meghan! This Valium is giving you balls, girl!

Maybe it’s the glasses (which look super cute BTW) but it’s more likely the valium.

Kelly fake scrunches her face because her face doesn’t move, and fake cries like Vicki does where its the noises and the change in voice to make it seem like you’re crying but you’re not.

She’s learning so much from her new BFF Vicki already!

Kelly Dodd thinks that vicki is a buddha…. she is her MENTOR…… and that she needs to be soaking up all of her worldly wisdom.

{editors note : I’M SORRY WHAT?????????????????}

SO we established at this dinner that

The rest of the episode is Shannon’s birthday surprise party and vow renewal. Which is sweet, and I really really like Shannon. But the only part I cared about was seeing Jeff and Gage and Jenni Poulos and seeing if they showed any of the drama between Jeff and Heather!

Also, I’m amazed their marriage has lasted 15 years not because of an affair, but because the sheer amount of things this woman needs just to drive somewhere for 24 hours.

:: REAL HOUSEWIVES CROSSOVER ?? ::

There are rumors swirling that Yolanda could be joining the Real Housewives of NY next season!

and also that Bethenny won’t be returning (by her own choosing of course, my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen has clearly drank the juice and would never fire her)

I mean, I always want some Yolanda Hadid Foster Whatever It is Now Who Cares is my life, but I don’t think it’s a good environment for her.

The crazyness of the BH Housewives is NOTHING compared to the drama and craziness off the NY Housewives. It’s two entirely different types of situations that stir up the “drama”. I feel like she would be above all of it.

Although, NY is certainly a more appropriate crossover than OC with C-words and F-bombs galore as we learned recently…..

BUT I would still love it 🙂

The bigger question would be : what would her fridge look like in an NYC condo as opposed to her blooming Beverly Hills pad??

:: ARIANA GRANDE’S NEW MAN ::

I have kind of an obsession girl crush on Ariana Grande.

Yes, she does the dumbest things ever for the whole world to see, but she has pipes that rival the best of them and she is freaking adorable and her songs NEVER get old and I just have to turn the volume up and look like a lunatic in my car when they come on. No shame.

SO, I was very intrigued when I heard Ariana Grande is reportedly dating a new man!

A white rapper.

I like all music, although rap is certainly not my fav, but I figured I would still know who this person is and I have NO clue. Googled him….. not a clue.

I feel as though this is a sign I am too old for my obsession with Ariana Grande.

:: RHoNY Finale ::

I watched this so late I don’t have time to comment!

So sorry!

Other than:

– It was great

– I can’t believe how upset and emotional Bethenny really was about all of it

– LuAnn’s is a lunatic and a raging egomaniac.

-as it progresses, feelings against LuAnn progress :

– LuAnn is THE WORST. Seriously. “Stop talking about me!?”

– Possibly the most self centered person on television. Good luck with Tom! Everyone truly thinks you two deserve each other!!!

– and so much more that I wish I had time for!

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.

images via giphy, bravo, abc

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

August 18, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

:: Bachelor in Paradise ::
It just gets better and better!

Evan walks up to ask Amanda out while she is mid-makeout with Josh.

Evan’s note reads “Amanda : Put your heart on blast”

Yep, that’ll get her Evan!!!

I mean…. I love his confidence (no, I just feel bad for him)…. but Evan….. STAHP.

Amanda kindly goes ~~to put her heart on blast~~ to talk to Evan.

Josh’s pizza arrives {and it’s missing a slice ….why do I notice things like that?}

He disgustingly makes the same mmmmm noises whilst making out and that he does while eating pizza

{what does sound amazing though is the crunch of the crust.
like, I REALLY WANT that pizza}

Amanda kindly rejects Evan. Obviously.

And then evan interprets what she says as SCORE there’s a chance!!!

He’s “hopeful for the first time in a long time”

WHAT? are you deaf? she said nothing of the sort.

Josh is just sweating his ass off. I’ve truly never seen anything like it….

Seriously how does amanda 1. not see through his BS 2. put up with his moaning while kissing and 3. touch him while he is sweating this much!

Kayla arrives and girls start to get catty.

I agree with what the twin (which one? who knows) is saying about Kayla

(well, not that she doesn’t know what condescending is… good lord)

but just thats Kayla’s too perfect.

Evan’s now back on Carly and forgetting about Amanda.
Evan now thinks that Carly is giving him a chance again and opening a door.

no one is opening up the door that is being closed in your face

editors note : nope. stay tuned…. I’m wrong…. Carly has gone coo-coo.

the “couples” go on a double date

which all you really need to know is Lace is on it, so it’ll be entertaining.

it goes from dinner, to a mexican bar, to shots at a mexican bar, to lots of shots at a mexican bar in the middle of a foam party, to LAYING on the floor in a mexican club after a FOAM party

SICK. SICK. SICK.

Lace : “laying on the floor of the bar with a crotch in my face – its just like high school!”

oh. goodness.

A girl throws a pitcher of ice water on them when they’re ready for body shots and Lace is ready to THROW DOWN and producers clearly have to completely intervene so that the star-drunk of the show doesn’t get arrested.

AMANDA. I am disappointed in you! You have little girls at home!

this bedroom scene! AH!

and how can you be this stupid!?!?

image

PART TWO : TUESDAY NIGHT

seriously… its back to back nights with this crap….

Ashley (or as you long time readers may remember, princess jasmine belly button ring) arrives and wastes no time going back to her stalking of Jared despite him making it very clear that he is not interested.

and she also wastes no time sobbing hysterically that he is dating kayla.

its so stupid.

no, wait, them making it look like she’s talking to the parrot is so stupid – but then she calls it out that they’re going to edit it that way to the person she’s talking to which is kind of amazing.

Daniel, the Canadian who is the strangest person ever, on his date:

“maybe she wants canadian bacon…..

canadian sausage…….

canadian bacon and sausage, drizzled in maple syrup”

and wait for it… one more, and its the best yet

“maybe she wants some canadian poutine.”

I mean, I’m always in the mood for poutine, but the gravy covered french fry version, and something tells me she won’t be interested either.

Jen, the new arrival and Nick’s new acquaintance, looks just like Olivia Munn!

She’s super cute and they barely showed her even though she lasted awhile on Ben’s season which means she must be normal and sane! (or at least more than everyone else!)

A medic comes in and basically forces Evan to go the hospital?
because his ankles are swelling or something? He doesn’t even know why he’s being put into an ambulance.
What?
In the ambulance, the delivery of this IV on Evan is terrifying

Can you imagine if someone gave you an IV and you were gushing blood out of your arm?
gushing blood.

I CANT.

and Carly……

Carly, Carly, Carly…… now you are acting like Evan is amazing again…….

you’ve lost your damn marbles.

back to the Jen and Nick date – they are trying to talk and kiss on the beach but

THE CRABS! EVERYWHERE! WHILE THEY MAKE OUT!

TERRIFYING!

Seriously the crabs at this place are insane (I mean….. walking right into that joke….. that’s what he said)

Ashlee….. Like, I mean, seriously, for real (and yes….. all of those meaningless entry words are needed while I try to wrap my head around this situation)….

HOW are you this nuts of a stage 5 clinger? Over and over again? Especially when you know it’s on national television. WHAT?

if she wasn’t genuinely crying this damn much I would think all of it was fake.
sadly, it’s even worse because it’s real.

:: big brother ::

as briefly mentioned on Monday, Paulie is the worst. and I’m ready to see him evicted.

it always amazes me how people that I like and dislike in the beginning always end up flipping midway through. With sweet Cody as your brother, and everyone loving you to begin with, you really had to be awful for everyone to flip on you. He has another thing coming when he leaves the house and realizes America can’t stand him.

and I couldn’t stand Paul in the beginning (especially with Jose) and now I kind of like him? Even though he doesn’t know how to talk and only yells…. but still….

especially now that is he turning on Paulie!

and Im even done with Nicole! whom I loved!

this game messed with my head…

This week’s punishments from Zingbot were amazing.

Paul in the Secret Service uniform having to pat-downs and checkpoint clearances? AMAZING

99% of you are REALLY thinking this show sounds so stupid and have no idea what I’m talking about but the rest of you, I know you loved Wednesday nights episode so much!

hashtag big brother is the best I love it so much thank gawd its on three nights a week in the summer.

:: RHoOC ::

Kelly’s mouth is just huge. silenthUGE.

I had to say that first because thats all I thought about the first scene she was in the entire time.

usually its just a big lips, big mouth OR a big teeth situation
but she has ALL THREE.

I’m skipping, like, the whole episode and just cutting straight to the dinner with one exception:

When Kelly discussed that “Shannon” (really it was the chick at Shannons party) called her a prostitue, her defense is that “she’s been a multimillionare for years”

um…… this is an interesting thing to keep saying because that really has nothing to do with the prostitute allegation at all? the two are not mutually exclusive?

I wouldn’t have thought anything of the prostiture comment….. but now her anger and her “I’m a millionare” comment is making me think maybbeeeeee she was an escort or something????

and then at dinner her defense is that she is a mother….. again, a mother and prostitute are not mutually exclusive Kelly…..

ALSO, the person who is calling her a prostitute is someone who has never even met her,
so either DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH, METHINK or her anger management issues just apply to everything (or…. both… most likely both….)

but I digress…..

OH WAIT. One more thing,

The accusation was never even that she was a “prostitute” it was that she “did ____ for money”.

Just wanted to clarify all that for those of you with lives who don’t watch every second of this trash yet for some reason read my sad recaps and commentary on them….

Okay now that that’s clarified…….

Back to the Japanese Baby Basting Dinner in honor of Meghan King Edmonds looming artificial insemination :

Why does Tamra hang out with Ryas ex fiancé? Its one thing to maintain a relationship for the grandchild and all that, but to bring her to the dinner with your 40+ year old girlfriends (slash one 30 year old meghan king edmonds) its just weird!

Vicki’s apology gift to Meghan King Edmonds includes petting her hair (WHAT?)
but they don’t want to be friends

I’d be like please let go of my hair and stop petting me and back away slowly.

Did kelly have a chemical peel? She’s REALLY red in the face? with like full white around her eye sockets and then bright red face the second she sits down prior to her yelling and causing a $#^! storm………

this picture doesn’t even show it…. trust me.

ugh. Ijust can’t stand kelly. at first I thought she’d be fun addition even with the ridiculousness but now I just think she gets drunk and runs her mouth.

When someone admits early on they have anger issues….it clearly is legitimately anger management issues that need help……. run shannon run!

The “shut the F up” is said…… and thennnnnn “the C word” comes out……
and it comes out loud.

soon followed by her “crying” and yelling “who says those things about me for my daughter to hear!”

A. earth to kelly, shannon never said any of it.

B. your daughter just heard you say the C word soooooooooooooooooooooo

C. I hope you aren’t back next season.

Oh…. as I type I hope you aren’t back next season it keeps going and I think my wish is already coming true…….because it just keeps going……

THENN she yelled ” You dumb F___” at Tamra.

{editors note: The yeahhhh below to be read in the Office Space voice :

Yeahhhhhhh I’m pretty sure Kelly won’t be back next season. RH is all about the drama, but not getting drunk and spewing curse words and everyone.}

her voice keeps getting higher and higher pitched, her face more and more red (but with the area all around her eyes completely white) and we are back into the WHOOOOO Owl territory all over again.

Heather pulls a Taylor Armstrong at the E-Cig dinner at Camille’s
and is stands up because she’s had ENOUGH!!!

and she tries to kick Kelly out of a dinner she isn’t hosting.
um…. I understand, but don’t think thats your place Heather?
I think the leopard dress is getting to you?

When drunk-red-faced-Kelly is like “NO” than Heather says she’ll leave because someone who has 5 different types of ice in their ~~house~~ chateau is ABOVE THIS.

She has Hexagonal ice Kelly!!! She is NOT doing this.

ironically : Vicki literally says nothing and reacts to nothing this whole meal.

Everyone starts to leave after Heather leaves. Kelly follows people outside and says to Shannon and Tamra, Oh sorry, I didn’t mean all that.

mmmmmmmmmk????

Cut to Heather in the backseat of her black car HYSTERICALLY crying.

I don’t know why Heather is sobbing in the car while Terry (as worriedly as Terry, who couldn’t care less, can possibly sound) says “what happened? what happened? what happened?” three times and she can’t say a word.

…. I MEAN at this point I would have thought something was physically wrong with Heather.

a wee bit dramatic.

and in case you missed it, Kelly didn’t say anything at all to YOU so to be pissed and leave is fine, but not to cry like you are critically injured.

but yes, I agree with Heather that Kelly IS THAT awful.

dare I say….. Kelly Dodd….. is worse…. than Brandi Glanville?

dun. dun. dunnnn.

no…. not even close…. but still…. lets save the C-words for that trashy girl please Kelly.

and we all know where Brandi’s place in the cast went…. down the toilet. see what yelling see you next tuesday gets you!

:: the voice ::

I’m sorry, but I can NOT. NOT. just CAN’T. watch the voice with Miley Cyrus as a judge.

I’m protesting.

I CAN’T.

:: RhoNY ::

I’m watching this weeks highly anticipated episode in the morning while I workout and I’m so excited I can barely sleep.

bravo is, after all, my disney world

it’s literally straight out of a soap opera in the preview :

Bethenny ” I have something to tell you…”

LuAnn “Don’t tell me it’s about Tom…. “

Bethenny “….long pause and stare…..It’s about Tom….”

LuAnn : ” AY DIOS MIO!!!! and faints ”

K so maybe not ‘Ay Dios Mio’ and fainting but running out of the room and saying STOP FILMING ME is basically the American version of a Telenovela moment, right?

ALSO, last week :

image

just pure amazing television. truly.

:: ryan lochte ::

while being robbed at gunpoint is always a bad thing, and nothing to be laughed at,

you know whats coming… me laughing

watching him give the interview with billy bush on the today show was hilarious. he just makes no sense.

there is nothing go on up there. it’s crazy.

***** what I wrote above was written prior to me seeing the most recent news…. which is :

brazilian judges want ryan lochte’s passport seizes because they think he’s lying due to discrepancies in his story and the stories of the other athletes he was with (see story here)

I mean…. I can see why the judge would be confused, but I just don’t think he understands the brain capactiy that is ryan lochte and that Im sure he is incapable of concocting any story like that.

and my guess is the reason stories aren’t matching up is because it was the wee hours of the morning after them partying for hours at the da clubs. duh. calm down brazil! they were out enjoying your nightlife and things are a bit blurry!!

:: Mazel + Jackhole ::

The Olympics.

I love them, but I’m ready to say goodbye. It’s been exhausting. Late nights, avoiding going online or on my phone at all costs because I’ll see something before it airs. Lots of hours of crappy stuff I don’t care to watch constantly on while I wait for what I want to watch.

But it has brought some great moments.

Zac Efron of course being one of them.

See 11 other Love Stories from the Olympics

even though many of you may have seen this……. it’s just so good.

via

and although dListed is always super inappropriate,

he is hilarious (sorry not sorry)

and this short clip of a pole vaulter losing his olympic medal dreams because of his, um, cough, hitting the pole is quite funny. (again, sorry, not sorry).

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

August 4, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves…….

:: bachelorette finale ::

It took me a long time to realize the girl on the end next to her brothers was her sister. They never showed her smiling or talking once, so I figured it was one of the brothers girlfriends or something
{you know…. like the Roger’s brothers amazing hair girlfriend who we so rudely didn’t get to hear talk and her hair was clearly stating she has something to say}

But really…..
The only time they show this girl is her just staring blankly and not saying a word, and all we ever hear about in general forever is her two brothers. I’m so confused.

after much googling I realize its a half sister or something? but my goodness couldn’t they have showed her asking her opinion or a shot of her smiling – I feel so bad for her it was so awkward

Jono practically screams at her parents (and really at her mom) when she realizes that they all want her to pick Robby and that Jordan did not ask for permission to marry her.

The whole conversation the final date night with Jordan and Jojo about him not asking permission and about their future truly makes me not be able to stand him EVEN MORE which I didn’t think was possible.

Jordan : “Yeah, No like whatever . it sucks”
QUIT SAYING “YEAH-NO”

after more of her asking why he didn’t ask permission when they discussed how important it was he FINALLY is like, pissed, but just pissed about being badgered about it and he says

“I’m devastated we can’t get it back”

and then a “yeah ya know…..”
I. CANT. STAND. HIM.

Hashtag Team Aaron Rogers for life.

Sorry I’m not sorry but ESPECIALLY after her parents talking constantly about her having trust issues from past relationships, he’s the last person I would trust.

I dont trust the hair. I can’t do it.

When its big like that, it’s just full of secrets I think. Secrets and lies.

side note : I really do wish Jojo took the reject to the side before the rose ceremony to tell them they weren’t the one. A lot of Bachelorettes in the past have knocked on the door before when they’re expecting Neil Lane or something and its her and she rejects him so that he doesn’t pick a ring and plan a proposal speech. But whatever….

i wasn’t nuts over Robby this season, he just seems kinda boring, but sure he was super nice and normal and whatever. I was never “OMG I Love Robby”
BUT
I have NEVER felts so horrible for someone getting rejected in the history of this show.

He did not see it coming AT. ALL.

I felt so, so awful for him.
I could barely watch. Truly painful.
WHY DIDNT SHE TAKE HIM TO THE SIDE THE DAY BEFORE OR EARLIER THAT MORNING!!! WHY JOJO WHY!!!

:: after the final rose ::

Robby walks out to the stage legitimately like a robot. Nothing moves except his feet. And then what is this flower on your suit? It needs to go.

Robby talking “after our overnight ….which was awesome….”
ew, no. shhh.
and then he asks if she still thinks about him!!
Robby quit while you’re ahead and we all feel bad for you and you’re seeming the most normal and great that you had all season!
No she isn’t thinking about you! Her fiance is about to walk out!

Chris announces that when we return jordan sees jojo for the first time

…. cut to the camera man showing Jordan doing his damn hair in front of the make up mirror for FAR too long.

SERIOUSLY. THE HAIR IS FULL OF SECRETS

Chad interrupting and them constantly showing him is so stupid, but his commenting about his mother passing in his selfish rants is disgusting and he goes from mentioning that to grinning uncontrollably and its just wrong.
editors note: after seeing Bach in Paradise I now understand why ABC was shoving Chad down our throats the last two weeks – it worked and man they weren’t lying.

Jordan : You can keep side stepping the questions about your brother all you want but

ITS WHY YOU WERE ON THE SHOW

sooo you should send a big ‘ol thanks to aaron !!!

Jono is always so well spoken and always addresses every question even the uncomfortable ones (like about aaron) in the perfect manner.
Ugh she is just WAY too good for him!

:: GMA ::

I saw their first appearance on GMA and when they were showing Jojo’s outfits from the show Jordan is sitting there commenting on the romper (like, sounding like the plastic surgeon husband from Real Housewives of Dallas).

No, Jordan. Strike 957.

:: Bach in Paradise ::

Evan is back.

a favorite quote from my living room TV partner would be :

“how did he impregnate someone 3 times?”

but really……

Seriously, Nick. AGAIN ? This is pathetic.

Get. A. Job. And. A. Girlfriend.

Everything about Canadian Guy that’s friends with Chad but compares him to Hitler (Daniel, I finally learned his name last night) is strange and just…. off.

Poor Jared. Last time Pricness Jasmine Belly Ring claimed him and he had no chance with anyone else, and now Jubilee is doing the same thing.

He really, really attracts the stage 5 clingers.

This Lace and Chad stuff is un-freaking-believable.

I don’t think I’ve laughed this hard watching anything Bachelor/-ette related ever.

where are the updated gifs from this week when I need them!

I can’t even begin to recap all of the insane things that came out of Chad’s mouth, and all of this was after :

-make out session with lace in hot tub (sitting next to two other people)

– slap fest with lace in and out of pool

– saying bitch and lace allowing it then now and then talking about money

Then he somehow starts talking about peppermint and being tied to a car?

And then things being murdery or unmurdery?

I mean it’s all hilarious until you realize – hold up – theres no way this stuff is scripted and this person is legitimately losing it and capable of anything and Lace is so out to lunch that she isn’t stopping him from doing or saying a darn thing.

Before Chad’s done for the night, he decides to start speaking in general terms to the group and when one of the girls, who is missing half of an arm, stands up for women and talks back to him, he makes a huge degrading comment towards her about her arm.

Seriously.

Chad passed out snoring while the huge crab is all over him was amazing.

Seriously the crabs at this place at insanity. I’d be packing a mosquitos nest in my suitcase for fear of being attacked by crabs + who knows what else in the middle of the night.

Oh, and Chad apparently did not just pass out, but passed out and pooped his pants.

Yes. Sorry but that felt like a detail that needed to be shared.

In the morning, a huddle is obviously called because unfortunately the producers don’t know how to save this sinking ship and everyone finally agrees no one is safe around The Chad and he must go.

He rants his brains out and is pissed that Lace is offended or anyone else and says “the only one that should be offended is Arm-y Mc-Arm-erson.”

Seriously.

Chris Harrison informs us that on top of everything America got to see, there was oh so much more. Like Chad telling all of the staff at the hotel to “suck a d___”

Lace : “So, Chad is acting like Old Lace”

Oh Lace. There are just no words. You may not have threatened anyones safety, but you are legit two steps behind Chad on the crazy train.

How many shots did Old Lace used to take in a day and how many times did Old Lace slap a guy around because New Lace is like Frank the Tank?

The saddest part to all of this is that now Chad has to go home. Trust me Chad, the producers + America didn’t want this to happen either. I’m sure the producers were doing everything they could to slightly sober you up and keep you from behaving worse and worse because without you this season will only go downhill…. he set the expecatations so high – and exceeded them with his antics – and now everything else will just seem like childs play.

They obviously made this a To Be Continued so we get one more week next week with Chad 🙂 PAH-Reach!

:: RHoOC ::

Meghan King Edmonds husband Jimmy, no surprise, is never there for ANYTHING.

And no, he wasn’t even using work as an excuse.
He had off days for her egg retrieval and he used them to play golf.

She calls him post surgery when she’s waking back up and he’s annoyed that she interrupted the golf game.

Meghan. Seriously. Run.
He wants absolutely nothing to do with this.

UM highlight of the episode: Meghan (King Edmond’s) fertility doctor’s ex is Nina (perhaps you don’t remember Nina, she’s the Tata’s lady) that was running her mouth at the 70’s party last week!!!!

as in running her mouth saying “never (insert bad things) to pay a bill” Nina

Another OC episode, another week of Heather bitching about Terry working….. ugh. no.

Every scene with Kelly and her husband just makes me squirm…. mostly because her husband just makes me squirm as I discussed last week.
Well, and it’s like, once you say Hitler on episode 1,
there just really is NO going back from there.
It’s over. No one can forget that.

The fight at lunch between Shannon and Kelly Dodd is quite strange.
First of all, Shannon should just let Kelly run her mouth and continue to ruin things herself.
Kelly starts to sound like she’s backing off and then Kelly doesn’t even understand what she’s saying (perhaps its the mini bottle o’wine she drank that confused her?).
Kelly goes from “You’re a liar!” to “Okay I believe you” seconds later and then from “I hate negativity” to “Well I called her Ugly because she is Ugly!!”.
….riiiight. riiiiight.

sample convo :

“you said i looked ugly”

“no your outfit looked ugly”

“well your outfit was native american”

“are you saying thats bad to be native american”

” no i am not ”

“you are saying native americans are bad”

shannon in diary part : “kelly’s native american name would be dances with bullshit”

dances with bullshit!!! slow clap for shannon. slow. clap.

Kelly holds up the empty wine bottle in defeat/a sign she’s done either saying she believes her or not and is like “alright i gotta go”. AKA she’s out of wine and done with this convo.
And I still don’t know if Kelly was wanting to move on or still pissed and saying Shannon’s a liar or neither or all of the above?
Oh well.

:: RHoNJ ::

I’ve been trying……I haven’t watched in years, but trying to this season.

I feel like I have so much to comment on but then I don’t because its really just a disgust to watch the Giudice family; in particular the way Joe speaks to everyone but mainly his daughters. Theresa has not changed an ounce.

It’s her world and everyone else is just living in it. After the WWHL one-on-one’s before jail and after jail and all of it I just really can barely stand to watch her.

She still acts like everyone else has done everything wrong to her and she is a saint (i.e. every conversation with Melissa and Jacqueline).

I really like the two new additions a lot though! Very, very much so far.

christine – I’ll see what I can find out about the top 🙂

:: RHoNY ::

Haven’t seen last night’s episode yet – I am so excited too though.

Sonja looks like she’s dressed to kill – like the sexiest ensemble possible to show your lovah of 10 years a big Eff Yoo. And then Ramona screaming in the hotel room after Bethenny says she has to tell LuAnn I’m just dying to know !

However, I’m sure its that he’s sleeping around and I’m sure LuAnn doesn’t give a flying flip and shell just say “everyones happy for me except you bitches” and “incase you didn’t realize my engagement is the biggest thing to happen since McDonald’s announced they’re serving breakfast”

:: flipping out ::

I learned when Jenni Pulos was on WWHL that

Gage’s assistant left and went to work for kris kardashian!

Also, the WWHL with Kelly Dodd sitting next to Jenni Pulos (a BFF of Shannon Beador) was Ah-Mazing. So much shade and dislike for Kelly Dodd (but politely)

I loved the raising of the hand and “Jenni from Encino has a question….”

Truly a wonderful 30 minutes between the two of them and my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen.

:: lilo ::

I mean… who knows?

Preg? or no?

Still engaged? or no?

The one thing we do know: Her dad is still desperate for money or attention and will sell his own offspring down the river at the drop of a hat.

:: UnReal ::

I really like this show and all of the main actors.

One of my favorite parts is the host of the show (the “Chris Harrison” of “Everlasting”) and all the BS stuff he says and then I watch The Bachelorette and Chris basically saying the same nonsense and it just cracks me up.

:: the hills special ::

HOW did I miss this! I have it taping and am very excited to see.

:: mazel ::

to erica jayne, just because I miss her and love her.

she teaches me life lessons on a regular basis.

PS this just reminded me that I still have never seen Erin Brockovich and I really need to do something about that……

:: jackhole of the week::

ME.

sorry for having zilch time to go through and find good images and gif’s for todays post.

OH, and like every week zilch desire to re-read any of this before hitting publish…. so I’m sure it’s not even English.

But hey, if you’re still reading by this point, you’ve already lost millions of brain cells

so I’m sure you can’t even tell 🙂

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

July 28, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: bachelorette :: fantasy suites week ::

When Luke was sent home,

I never saw it coming.
(well…if they hadn’t shown us that she said “I think I have to say goodbye to luke” and just cut the To Be Continued before the rose ceremony, I never would have seen it coming.)
She was SO into him??!!

But I will say that Luke saying he “never got a chance to say I love you” is BS.

UM robby said it on the FIRST date, Luke. Come on. That’s how this whole thing works.

Also I had no idea until my friend just told me that Robby went to my high school.

My high school was not large. FAIL. I am such a moron. In all of my googling I never realize this?!

I just can’t stand Jordan. I want to shake Jojo and knock some sense into her.
Even on this date, he says nothing of substance when she’s practically begging him for it.
Jojo : Where do you see the next year, the future?
Jordan : Um. I don’t know.
Jojo: But like, whats the plan.
Jordan: Either get fame with you or fame as the next Bachelor.
SERIOUSLY GIRL. RUN.

If she picks him, no way will they make it down the aisle. No way.

Robby has his fantasy suite date, but before her date with Chase, Robby comes running back in.
He just has to see her! He got a taste of life with her! He saw her in PJ’s and just can’t breathe without her!!

ROBBY : YOU JUST BROKE UP WITH YOUR GF OF FOUR YEARS!

also, random note, jojo didn’t touch her breakfast with Robby but ate a bunch with Jordan.
thoughts on this? I have a lot and think it’s very telling….. but I’m crazy…. so I’ll hold back….

Jojo baits Chase into the fantasy suite and sits quietly until he has talked enough and talks his way into saying I love you.
The second he says it, she walks out. She has to think about how to dump him now that the producers got what they wanted.
Then she walks back in and BOOTS HIM. I mean….. this was COLD.
Chase’s reaction? Pure Gold. He calls her out on it and then on his way out to the van he

cracks a beer open, and says “oh is this the fantasy suite?!”
YES CHASE YES!

Now that is the way to leave a show! No tears for you!

At the “rose ceremony” even though there is only two , Robby and Jordan are simultaneously wiping sweat and putting a hanky back into their back pocket.

I’m shocked they could even fit a hanky in there – both of their pants are skin tight.
They must think Jojo is really into the skin tight pants like Ben wore last season.

Aw nevermind….. Chase came back and did a polite and sweet exit…. DARN.

next week :

MOM IS BACK! YEASSSS!

:: The Men Tell All ::

the level of ridulousness that these producers will sink to is just just so stupid.

chad has his own trailer, his own security guard that has to also stand next to the stage to watch him, and also a meat platter to eat.
alright chris harrison … lets get this 2 hour show that could easily be 45 minutes on the road.

Someone finally called out alex for his napoleon complex (santa? I think it was santa? Whom I like but SERIOUSLY don’t take your jacket off and try to fight Chad, simmer down) but UGH Alex. UGH.

I swear alex’s watch was a digital watch when they were interviewing chad and cut to him.
I SWEAR.

Wells says the only intelligent comment of the evening and said that the guys, in chads defense, did kind of “lord of the flies him”. I guarantee 70% of the bachelors had no idea what this meant, but Wells, I once again think you’re adorable and 10x better than half of these losers.

I don’t know whats wrong with me but I was finding Luke more attractive when he got sent packing and also when he did his interview at the Men Tell All. As you know, he does NOT do it for me. Maybe its because he didn’t cry like a baby in the limo when he got sent home? (FINALLY! Touche Luke!)

Jojo apolgized to Chase for sending him packing mere seconds after him saying I love you. Poor Chase, he thought they were about to take their shirts off and she sent him to the door. I for one am not sorry the cruel event happened because it was high-larious to watch him crush a beer and climb in the van saying “is this the fantasy suite?” Other than Derek crying with “Don’t Cry for me Argentina” it was the top move of the season.

Jojo gave the vague “Im really happy with where I am now” when Chris asked her, and I can’t tell if she was giving poker face to not reveal anything, or not that happy, because she didn’t look very happy?

and I’m sorry, she is THE CUTEST thing I have ever seen in my life. I have loved her – I want her hair and her face and all her clothes and all of it.

so the question remains… who will be the next bachelor?

Chad????

:: RHoMelbourne ::
IT’S BACK! Friday nights.
Last weeks intro episode was great – I really, really like the Melbourne seasons even though I have to rewind more often than I’d like to admit to understand what the heck they are saying.

and YES.
all three of the Everybody gif’s are necessary and will be here every week.
you’re welcome.

:: shah’s ::

seriously how are these people even friends with mike?

shouting “no wonder your husband left you” at your friends mom?

I actually no longer even feel bad for jessica because shes insane for putting up with you for 5 years she must have some serious screws loose.
he seriously makes me ill.

:: RHoOC ::

I’m not even discussing the sex ed convo in the costume store between david and his daughters

not. gonna. do it.

Heather – do you want “Chateau Dubrow” or do you want terry to be home?
Do you want a chef and to drink champagne while you watch a chef cook your dinner?
and WHO.CARES. if he’s working on mothers day?

I will never understand these things

you can’t have chateau dubrow with 5 different types of ice without Terry working

Man do the OC housewives love a theme party?

And why do I feel like they are never on a weekend, always on a work day?

(example with this one, Meghan has her IVF appt the next morning and something tells me that would be on a Mon-Friday? …. just wondering…. but I digress…)

who is this Nina person with her sequin jumpsuit and her tatas out saying all this stuff I can’t even write on the blog?!

I wish I could get a better image of Nina, she’s the TaTa’s on the left

at first I’m really enjoying drunk Kelly,

but then it takes a turn for the worst.

Kelly’s husband (who is getting stranger by the minute to me) in every scene this whole time just stands there with a frozen smile on his face

shannon gets so worked up she really get her “DAVID! DAVID!” act going

“DAVID she’s telling me that my outfit isn’t 70’s!”

“DAVID david david david

they are calling me dumb

david david DAVID

stuttering and finds her way back to DAVID! DAVID!”
I mean SHANNON really? Just say something to her yourself, why do you run to DAVID (to be read in shannon’s voice) when someone calls you dumb? Seriously?

Kelly jumps straight to “no wonder your husband cheated on you”

LADIES. Seriously these OC people are animals. They go straight for the jugular.

Then Kelly becomes an owl with the “you who you who you who” thing and my guess is she DID do something and has something to hide. She was PEESED when she saw that girl was there. Also, I’m sorry, you’re the new girl and you’re just walking in and getting wasted and going nuts on the host of the party? Not okay! You need to wait, like, at least a few more episodes before you can get wasted and ruin a housewives party! Come on!

And I’m hoping her husband is just as wasted too bc he’s just smiling and staring and I’m truly armed.

(editors note: I think I figured out one of the reasons he really creeps me out… I mean, other than the fact that his own wife refers to him as Hitler and was too scared to go through a divorce with him, because ya know, thats not scary at all.

I’m sure zero of you will know this, but there was an episode of The Blacklist where the killer they are hunting is bald and takes his victims and puts them in a bathtub and kills them by pouring the chemical that disintegrates them over them and I literally had NIGHTMARES about this guy. Similar to the nightmares about one character on Homeland (the guy that breaks the wine glass on the counter and then goes for someones neck and kills her with it). So…. now that I wasted your time and you still have no idea…. that is why he scares me even more, and I would google an image for reference but I do not need that mans face in my mind again).

AND THEN vicki calls Brooks!!??

she is acting like all of this has to do with BROOKS!

Is Vicki seriously the most delusional of them all???

:: Food Network Star ::

HOW did it take this long for Miami Housewife Ana to get kicked off?

Thank goodness she is finally gone . She was awful.
sorry, not sorry.

:: RHoNY ::

I Finally stayed up and watched one while I wrote this post so I’m current with the NY Housewives episode! So much happened I can’t even wrap my head around it -and between Dorinda, Ramona, and Sonja’s commentary I was laughing and loving it.

NEWS FLASH: Bethenny is still bleeding. If we didn’t talk about it enough the last two episodes, we’re going to kick off this week discussing it AND end tonight discussing it. It’s our lucky day!

wait, so because Bethenny can’t go to hawaii so NO ONE can go to Hawaii?

this is such BS I’m sorry.

I knew Bethenny had an obscene amount of power over bravo and my-boyfriend-andy-cohen but MY GAWD does seriously the WHOLE WORLD revolve around you??

I’d be mortified – truly embarrassed and upset – if a huge group of my friends didn’t go on the planned trip just because I couldn’t go. WTF?

Can we just give up with Tom? This is a nightmare!

It’s his 3rd NYC housewife, he was with Sonja for years, he was with Ramona right before, and it sounds like when LuAnn was Sonja’s roommate they were sleeping together and he didn’t even say anything?

This guy not only sounds like a letch but he sounds certifiably nuts.

He’s the new slade smiley – he just wants to be with a housewife.

And LuAnn is too busy smiling and laughing as if her engagement is so hilariously wonderful and entertaining she can’t even see what is right in front of her.

Oh, I’m sorry, we’re back to bleeding. At Bethenny’s apartment.
If I hear about bleeding one more time. i swear.

Quit sitting on your white sofa whilst talking about how much you’re bleeding.

Quit reading your e-mails from your doctor about how to deal with your bleeding while sitting on the white couch.

THAT’S ENOUGH
so bethenny’s doctor says oh no you can’t go to palm beach and then miami, that wouldn’t be good for the bleeding, but just miami, because thats totally different. your fibroids will know your geographic coordinates and will act up if they find out you are in an extra location for a day?

Forget Lu and Bethenny, everyone else should say fine see ya in later we’ll be in Hawaii.

LuAnn is acting so immature dancing around the yacht acting like her engagement is literally the best news the entire world has ever heard.

Sonja to the crew walking on the yacht “you’ll be happy you only have us for one night”
Hashtag I just love Sonja.

And everything Ramona did from start to finish and every word and action were just perfection – as in sheer lunacy – this whole episode.
Can’t wait for her to stir the pot throughout the engagement party talking about her own sexual relations with Tom the whole time.
CHEERS!

:: jackhole of the week ::

I literally haven’t seen this many scary movie commercials since October/Halloween and I just can’t deal

if they play one more for that movie “lights out” before I can plug my ears and say la-la-la-la to change the channel or fast forward Im never going to sleep at night again

they show stuff within the first 5 seconds and I can never get to the remote fast enough

:: mazel ::

bach in paradise AND bachelorette finale next week!!!

I can barely contain my excitement
And Bachelor Pad looks truly insane. I wish they wouldn’t give so much away in a preview so that we already know who couples up with who, but hey, you know I’m still watching!!!!

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

July 21, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: RHoNYC ::

I’m always a week behind because I usually watch Wednesdays show on Thursday.

~~sorry I’m not sorry.~~

Carole : “friends talk about friends behind their back thats what friends do”

um, no. it’s not actually.

I think Carole and Bethenny are just mean girls who have become way too co-dependant on one another. They do everything together and need to mind their own business.

Sure, Bethenny can be super funny and I love her sarcasm, but Carole’s story line is a puppy and Vegan cookbook……. SERIOUSLY? Actually… no wonder she is clinging to Bethenny so tightly – that’s her story line this season otherwise it’s adios Carole you’re being replaced.

Bethenny needs to back off of Jules and find someone else to pick on – because even Bethenny knows, and says, there isn’t a bad bone in Jules’ body. And WHAT exactly did Jules tell Bethenny that she clearly shared? We need more info! Why is my-boyfriend-andy-cohen hiding dirt from us that we so obviously need to understand the root of all of this! And Jules – LOCK IT UP. Quit sharing personal info with these lunatics – they are clearly out for blood!

and seriously who is bethenny paying to style her?

because she needs to be fired immediately.

this photo doesn’t even do it justice

then a bunch of boring stuff happens and Sonja has a dinner party where her blind date is a guy she slept with or almost slept with or thought about sleeping with or something like that? You know, there are a million “Rocco’s” so I don’t know HOW she never realized it was HER ROCCO!

{cue sitcom laughing in background…..”Oh Sonja!” hahaha}

now they are on a party bus en route to a “girls weekend with no drama” AKA a weekend filled with nothing but mayhem I’m sure.

I’ve said it a million times before – My Gawd this implant process is taking a helluva long time Sonja! I am VERY confused. This is like….. 3 or 4 seasons with this problem tooth…. I know the implant process is lengthy, but not this lengthy?

But now I kinda love it and hope you never get it so I retract my previous statements. It gives you character… like a diastema or a chipped edge, but way more fun because you can wear a flipper and pop the tooth in and out as your party trick!

Bethenny sits 3 inches from Jules and talks smack the whole time as if somehow this bus is the size of Bethenny’s old 4,000 SF apartment that her ex-husband Jason is still living in and that Jules couldn’t possibly hear the $#*T talking.

I’m just so fed up with Bethenny, but I’m sure you could barely tell right? 🙂

:: SHAHS ::

GG just really takes the cake. With everything.

GG acts like she can barely move or breathe or talk while getting chemo, she is exhausted and in pain.

{although we don’t really know what it is because it is not the same as cancer patients and its all very very vague and confusing…..}

and then when the doctor answers the question ” is there anything she can do ” with the response of “stop smoking so much”

she is ready to cut a betch.

she jumps out of that chair eyes a-blazing freaking out screaming as if she just got a shot of adrenaline

WHATTTTT.

unreal.

Not saying she doesn’t have RA, but I’m with the rest of the Shah’s, everything else is a bunch of BS.

I LITERALLY CANT EVEN WITH MIKE.

and I laughed, hard, when this was what happened after shoe-gate.

as shannon beador reminds us, all cheery in her OC opener,

“Karma’s a Bitch, so I don’t have to be one.”

Asa is just the nicest person ever. She is all about love and happiness and helping everyone all the time. I’m very confused how this group of people are her friends, but still, every week I just think I can’t believe how sweet she is amongst all of this mayhem. No matter what someone does she is so calm and collected and helpful.

AND she loves food and talking about her next meal, especially if it is ceviche, so I basically want to be her best friend.

:: Big Brother ::

I am SO done with Tiffany — although I do think she is slightly less insane and slightly less of a cry baby than her sister Vanessa – HOWEVER if the house flips again and decides not to vote her out this week (tonight!) I will LOSE IT.

And I hate that Da’ has gotten herself all entangled in all of it – she was doing such a good job just sitting back and laying low, and now Frank and who knows what else got her all name in everyones mind.

Hashtag I love Big Brother so much.

I love James and Natalie’s phone calls from upstairs to downstairs so much…. we need more James air time. James is everything.

And I’m sorry, but from the moment they showed Michelle in her hometown clip on night one I have said that her and Nicole are related – and now that we’re this far in I am thinking I’m possibly wrong – but I really don’t understand how the two of them could look that much alike and act that much alike without being related? And they are from the same area and everything?

:: bachelorette ::

I do love me some hometown dates!

On all of these dates I’m constantly squirming because SERIOUSLY who meets their boyfriends family and makes out at the dining table in front of all of them?

On all 4 hometowns, Jojo and whichever dude with awful are like heavy petting and legit makin’ out at the dinner table.

sorry not sorry it is disgusting and weird.

I can’t believe Chase sits there and asks his dad “so dad why did you leave mom”

UM. another time Chase another time.

I would have said “son, why did you buy a house when you can’t even afford a railing for the stairs? lets embarrass each other on TV another time.”

Jojo then goes and meets Chase’s mom and brings everyone else’s mom after this flowers, but no flowers for Chase’s mom. Hmmmm……

Jordan takes Jojo to his high school where he takes her around and has teachers oogle over him and shows where he was some big football star. Then they go into the football office and he shows his picture up on the walls. WOW. Neat!!!!

A. Taking someone to your high school is lame. B. Showing off your high school glory days is lame – it’s like saying to the world “Yeah, even I think I peaked in High School”. C. Let’s pretend it is a good date (because whatever it’s the bachelorette) except it’s painfully awkward because you KNOW the big star of that High School is his BROTHER and that the teachers tell everyone about AARON and that the person with the most photos on those football office walls is AARON ROGERS.

But whatever……

oh and D. Seriously what is your job now? Actually, What is everyones job now? We have former pro swimmer (what NOW?) and War Veteran (what NOW?) and former pro footballer (what NOW?).

Chase is the only one with a current job under his name, but sorry, we all know it isn’t Chaser getting that final rose. No way.

I can’t even go into Jordan because he just drives me nuts. I love how Aaron’s face was blurred out in the family photo though.

The only thing I really cared about on that hometown was his brother’s girlfriend and his brother’s girlfriend’s HAIR.

I MEANNNNN Y’ALL!!!!!!!

Like….. why didn’t we get more airtime with her? How long has she been wearing her hair like this? How long did it take her to do that blow out? What special tools does that require? Is there Aqua-net holding that up? Was it this big just for the big TV Hometown date? Or does she always make it that big?

I have lots of questions….. like more questions that I had about the Dinner from Hell on Southern Charm and what happened to all of the food they didn’t eat. Which is, obviously, a lot of questions.

Now of course they are dragging this out by making it a To Be Continued and then next week isn’t Fantasy Suite Week but Men Tell All. While I do enjoy a Men Tell All, I’m mad we have to wait two weeks for Fantasy Suite. Oh well.

Then we go to St. Augustine Florida to meet Robby.

Cut to Robby waiting by a fountain and seeing Jojo: hands clasped across his chest then moved up to his mouth is the most unmasculine move in bachelor history…. second to ben’s skin tight shorts last season.

All I really care about from this date is that St. Augustine is ADORABLE. Seriously looks super cute.

Robby spends his hometown defending his relationship that just ended 4 seconds ago and lasted 4 years and he is totes ready to get engaged. Totes. No reasons to worry Jojo – no red flags waving with that at all.

Then we go to Luke’s hometown date

SERIOUSLY HOW IS HE WALKING LIKE THAT?

we rewound him walking next to the train tacks like 4 times. His legs literally could not be more bowlegged.

but I digress…….

then we go to Luke’s hometown date, which is every single member of their town in Texas in his family’s backyard.

The only thing the two of them have in common is Texas – but no way is this where Jojo would fit in. Not a chance.

Still, I was SHOCKED when she said she was going to say bye to Luke because I thought for sure it was Chase?

Now of course we have to wait until next week to see…..

Uh all of them are losers with bad hair and I’m ready for the Bachelor in Paradise losers instead.

OH – except I AM excited for when it’s finally the two meeting HER family.

we’ve all been waiting since day one for that!

:: RHoOC ::

it’s starting to get GOOOOooooooooOOOOddd.

I mean, except for when they go to a Mexican restaurant and order plain chicken breast and veggies cooked in nothing.

Seriously. That should be a sin.

Tamra, you were baptized in a pool last season, you should know better.

Next week looks legit crazy.

I love how OC is ALWAYS a theme party. Like, actually love it not sarcastically love it.

There is always a throw down and it always seems to be in some ugly, dark random location they rented out and decorated and the people fighting look ridiculous in wigs and costumes and the whole shabang. LOVE IT.

looks like Vicki drops the “I’m sorry and apologizing” act which is really the “let me do the ‘crying voice’ while I say something like ‘I want my friends back’ and then not shed a tear and instantly start attacking the person I’m talking to because THEY DIDNT BRING ME A CASSEROLE!

Vicki is just DONE.

and I mean….. who can blame her!!??

Is it really that hard to open a can of Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup and mix it with some damn noodles in a 9×13 pyrex dish!??!! For the love of God!!! Worst friends EVER!!!! How dare they!!!

I hope they bring up casseroles again because it’s the been the highlight of the season thus far.

:: Taylor + Kanye Drama ::

They played the whole conversation between them that Kanye had taped over the radio…. and I was very surprised to hear all of it pretty much being exactly as Kanye had originally said! But still…

I’m still team Taylor Swift always, because lets face it, Kanye West is one of the worst people ever, but she definitely did lead EVERYONE to believe he never asked her about ANY of the lyrics and that she had no idea about the song at all. Sure, she can spin it that she “didn’t know he was going to be calling her a bitch” and blah-blah, but I mean…. Taylor …. come on. You KNOW that’s not what it was, you wanted everyone to think you knew nothing about it once the public had the reaction they did.

but still, I’m Team Taylor.

:: jackhole of the week ::

bethenny because my LORD why would it ever take FOUR YEARS to get divorced

seriously

and I’m sorry….. Jason was a SERIOUS catch. sure, I know nothing about either of them in real life or what happened behind closed doors ~~but since when has that stopped me in Coffee Talk?~~, BUT I do know that I never missed an episode of Bethenny Ever After and people – I’m telling you – he was great and she ran that thing straight into the ground.

and especially watching the way she flips out about his parents and during all of these years of divorcing him would make these awful comments about “if Brynnne was stuck with those people” — what people? The sweet couple who already lost one of their sons and is obsessed with their granddaughter and let you constantly act like a lunatic towards them without saying a word? OH RIGHT. Those evil people? Okay?

:: mazel of the week ::

Mazel to Bethenny for FINALLY being done with the divorce.

Is this really true? Could this possible be happening?

can it please never be discussed again?! its four years of my life I’ll never get back. (just kidding…. kind of?)
let’s just get back to being sarcastic and calm the heck down a little bit…. maybe take some advice from Ramona and take a xanax?

:: another mazel ::
Flipping Out is Back!!!!!
I love Jeff Lewis and this show SO much.

I wish every week was 2 nights a week like the premiere was last week.

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

July 13, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves……

I had thought the Nordstrom Early Access started yesterday and really its tomorrow….
I thought the 14th was yesterday I am losing ma damn mind!

SO I thought I’d talk some Coffee Talk today so I can dive into the wish list for anniversary sale items tomorrow!

:: bachelorette ::

what a YAWN of an episode. hometowns should spice it up again next week.

alex. oh my.

and seriously he is in combat boots with pants tucked in AGAIN. before the gaucho outfit!

I really just can’t.

everyone putting him up next to lord farquaad images was hilarious, and then him stepping out in this outfit made it 100% true.

and we didn’t even get an exit interview from him! such bs!
he was able to just be all pissed and leave {in that muddy truck?}
seriously HOW did he think she was falling in love with him after that one-on-one car ride in silence with pringles making duck faces?

jordan just really drives me nuts. I don’t trust that kid for anything.
he has fame seeking attention whore all over him, and that was before he was even on the show based on what I see when I google him to find images for these posts.

He doesn’t talk to his brother at all. and as like every else he says, he’s reasoning is incredibly vague. red flags ?

I mean all I need to know about Aaron Rogers is that he seems sweet as pie and his girlfriend Olivia Munn is the funniest most adorable person…..

soon I’m Hashtag Team Aaron.

And your hair just drives me INSANE.

I don’t know why I originally thought that Robbie was JT on SNL as Mother Lover character….. because now all I see is Will Forte.

but I love Will Forte so not trying to complement Robby 🙂

the three on one hotel date is just STUPID.

this whole episode actually is STUPID.

image

and seriously Jojo: Robby???
he just broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years like yesterday? and many more things said on that bench outside the hotel.
Does she just only want guys with bad hair, and large amounts of it, styled horribly?
I seriously think thats her thing?

Jono you’re too cute for any of these losers!

Hashtag I miss Chad.

Hashtag I may even miss Evan at this point.

Hashtag the midget douchebag Alex just left 10 minutes ago and I may miss him already because I’m falling asleep.

:: RHoOC ::

I feel like they’re stemming off of cancer-gate from last season and just sticking with medical themes for the season………

megans shots, vicki’s daughter health issues (which seriously are never ending I do feel bad for her) ….
why must we follow along on the 21 hour car ride?
I think I’ve been overstimulated on shows because this was a snooze and the bach was a snooze…. Odd Mom Out still had me cracking up though so I’m still pleased sometimes!

the music playing in the background while Vicki *FINALLY* semi-apologies to Tamra and then they cry and stare at each other and say I love you is hilarious

I’m interested to see more of Kelly because I listened to a podcast with Shannon + Heather McDonald (thanks for sending all of the podcast tips everyone :D) and not only does Kelly refer to her husband as Hitler in that one episode but I guess she has an image of him when he calls her phone. All of this boggles my mind?!

OK, so these four were posting on social media that they are filming a new show for fox?

I‘m guessing its a one episode kind of thing?

:: million dollar listing ::

luis is leaving?! to do WHAT?

and all we have ever seen is ryan and emilia getting along perfectly but of course the spin off looks like all drama.

spoiler alert : no matter how bad it is, I’ll watch it.

:: Shah’s ::

I haven’t seen it! Lord help me!
My roommate may have accidentally “deleted” it and it isn’t on demand and won’t replay until tonight!

I know last week Mike admitted he lied, but he is STILL lying through his teeth acting like it was a one time thing that happened before they were even engaged.

he is THE WORST. watching him on WWHL and everything he says and then him always staring at himself in the monitor drives me nuts.

:: RHoNJ ::

I stopped watching NJ years ago (and Atlanta). They all just drove me nuts.

I would however always watch Theresa on her one-on-one’s with my-boyfriend-andy-cohen where she attempted to say something coherent about her and husbands convictions and it would just enrage me.

My girlfriend called and told me she watched and she cried when Teresa came home. STAHP IT.

But now I’m like….. OK I guess I’ll watch…..

and I heard this one is back too

I loved that Heather Dubrow said on WWHL that Teresa needed to stop talking about yoga and diet and take accountability and show some remorse.

Never gonna happen…. that whole family is deranged.

:: brit brit ::

britney is releasing a new song called “Private Show”!

and it seems a sexy video to go with it!

get it girl

:: lilo ::

I feel like I had been reading a lot about Lilo lately

she just turned 30, she is engaged, the press seemed to be being very nice lately, but

not any more!

she threw her fiancés phone in the ocean when she saw a text that upset her and then he poured a drink over her head.

now there’s the lilo we all love and missed!!!

:: lamar kicked off plane ::

Lamar was kicked off a plane this week for being drunk and disorderly…. well, if you call puking all over the galley and in the bathroom “disorderly”.

I really feel for Khloe. She has put up with so much and done so much for him far longer than she needed too and well after their relationship was over.
she’s certainly still looking good despite all of it!

* UPDATE :
JUST FOUND OUT TODAY IS NATIONAL FRENCH FRY DAY!!!!
I GUESS I *HAVE* TO HAE CHICK-FIL-A FOR LUNCH?!?!

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK ::
to the people that think every day needs to be a holiday, you annoy me, except when you choose days like NATIONAL FRENCH FRY DAY!!!!!

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry