coffee talk Archives - Page 31 of 45

:: coffee talk ::

August 20, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves…….

:: bachelor in paradise ::

joe is a pig. and I truly don’t understand how anyone could be in to him. are these people just SO hammered 24/7 here that they don’t see things right in front of their faces?

seriously. that? and when he opens his mouth its even worse. I seriously think at 4 am on my 21st birthday I sounded more intelligent and eloquent than him.

out of everyone there, I would pick the Jorge mexican bartender thats been serving these a$$holes the whole time.

he’s cute and he’s funny. he’s yelling out “read it! who is it!” for the date cards.

I pick you Glen Coco. I like you.

perhaps the most awkward part of this weeks circus was carly calling her brother on his wedding day.

like….. ‘oh sorry bro I wish I could be there but I’m here with a bunch of unemployed losers hoping one of them will give me a rose!’

(slash Kirk is the best one there BUT STILL).

she calls and is like ‘IM ON A DATE WITH A BOY!!!! OH and happy wedding day tell my new sister hi, but seriously IM WITH A SUPER CUTE BOY!’

oh my lord why do I watch this? ~~Im just as pathetic as these people……~~

:: RHONY Reunion Part 1 ::

first of all, they all look like they were dressing for Atlantic City.

but from the Atlantic City gift shop. they all have glitter and sparkle all over them. It makes me crazy when people with money dress like crap, and I know they spent a lot of money on those hideous clothes.

seriously LuAnn? WHERE did you find that dress?

(doormat can do whatever she wants, all hail dorota, she’s a ballsy bitch even in glitter)

I’m like ARGHH if I had your money I would be looking like a smokeshow every day! ESPECIALLY for a reunion with my-boyfriend-andy-cohen where I am going to THROW DOWN.

and kristin, I know you have a killer rack, but good god woman.

I meannnnnn

I am SO sick of LuAnn and Carol boy fighting. Over. It.

and SO sick of hearing about grown ass women “banging” boys.

LOCK. IT. UP.

when I finish watching these I have no memory of what just happened (other than 97 people talking over one another at once) so I am blanking on seriously everything.

:: amanda bynes ::

WAIT, WHAAAT?

doth my eyes deceive me?

where did the blue wig and oversized sweats go?!

looking GOOD GIRL.

:: RHOOC ::

meghan ~~king edmonds~~ and jimmy ~~edmonds~~ make no sense. I truly have never seen a couple on TV with a lack of…. anything. they don’t even have a passionate dislike for one another. he doesn’t even make eye contact with her. it is so painful. I do not understand the appeal of this man? sure, meghan kind edmonds gets annoying as hell on the show, but she seems to be a perfectly nice person. no wonder he is on his third marriage. he sucks.

another headband Meghan ~~King Edmonds?~~ for real?

Meghan needs to keep her mouth CAH-LOSED with her opinions on everything and all of the sharing. Two seconds after Vicki walks out of the room “So Shannon, a Psychic, who clearly knows everything there is to know, says Brooks doesn’t have cancer.”

why must meghan act like she is an expert on everything? now she’s an expert on chemo?

just focus on your knowledge on what you do know : head pieces.

and I think Vicki was WAY out of line yelling at Shannon, but seriously Shannon could it really not wait until the next day to tell her? who cares?

but really…. do we think its possible he doesn’t have cancer? because I really think he’s that much of a scum bag and meghan k~~ing edmonds~~ may be on to something……

OH and side note. I love how Tamra’s all “we cannot share this!” and is THRILLED when Meghan ~~King Edmonds~~ starts blabbing her mouth about it and taking all the crap for it. It looks like next week she is going to explode from sheer joy when Meghan ~~King Edmonds~~ and Vicki are fighting.

ultimately, who cares, because brooks and vicki have parted ways!

he isn’t filling her love tank! (link)

look out, something tells me the OG of the OC is going to go crazy with an empty love tank!

ohhhhh my gosh this picture kills me.

:: big brother ::

I seriously almost vomited in my mouth – but FOR REAL – when they showed Austin making out with Liz.

ew.

with his pony tail beard.

ewie.

:: mazel of the week ::

this is just AMAZING.

:: jackhole of the week ::

ME. blubbering my face off when jeff is telling zoila how much he loves her and never wants her to leave and she is his favorite person in the world.

I JUST CAN’T when sarcastic, heart of ice people get emotional.

I love him.

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

August 13, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves…….

:: bachelor in paradise ::

Carly and Kirk are so cute. Two funny, sarcastic, normal people found each other. Hallelujah.

I had forgotten about Kirk – I really likedhim.

wait…. not in this outfit. of course its the only pic I Could find.

Mikey Muscle is mad this week when claire decides to go on a date with Princess-Jasmine’s Aladdin. Of course he’s pissed…. she said she wants to date other people and isn’t in to him at the end of their date, so HOW DARE she say yes to a date with someone else!

like…… what? He really is as dumb as he looks.

michael shows up (sigh, yawn, big yawn) and in case you think he has changed since his season of the bachelorette think again!

he says he is there for Tenley (SHOCKER)

and says

HER NAME IS TENLEY BUT TO ME SHE IS AN ELEVENLY.

Ugh. Yep…. same old super duper duper Michael.

it was painful watching him when he was on Desiree’s season.

almost as painful as it was watching Tenley do her special rhythmic dance she created when she was runner-up on her season of the bachelor. (tell me Im not the only one that remembers this and thinks of it and her baby voice every time you see her).

:: noah cyrus ::

looks like miley’s 15 year old sister is following her path.

FIFTEEN.

seriously!?! who lets their 15 year old dress like this!?!

answer : kris kardashian

:: my fab 40th ::

um I saw a preview for a new show coming out soon, my fab 40th.

like ‘my super sweet 16’ on MTV but this is 40 year old women doing it.

BRAVO TO YOU BRAVO.

GENIUS.

:: RHONY ::

line of the night goes to Sonja.

“Ramona has a lot of these renewals /new me / moving on parties ….

she should try a masquerade ball next.”

I love this gif of her oh so much

PREACH SONJA. PREACH.

there were so many strange things that happened in this episode.

one of them being countess saying to carole that you “don’t introduce (the 25 year olds your sleeping with) to the children” and then saying “thats right you don’t have any children hahahaha”. what????

:: RHOC ::

I meannnnnnn Meghan. Someone get this girl a stylist.

I’m with Tamra (rare occurrence). Was she trying to look like Stevie Nicks ?

And with the dark, smoky eye make up? I mean…… what????

to me she actually looks like a female bret michaels

amiright? HELL YES I AM.

but I digress……..

and Meghan turning around on the golf cart and saying “shannon called you a pot stirrer”.

the faces in this picture are priceless.

um. pot, meet kettle.

yes tamra stirs the pot big time, but you need to simmer down now honey and just LOCK IT UP for the last night of the trip! who cares! she does not know when to let things be and just talk about everyone behind their backs in the diary/confessional things like all the other women.

I mean, what was with that “Storm.” comment.

just “storm”.

since when do we shorten “go ahead and storm out” to “storm”.

and she says it all so deadpanned and barely moving her mouth “storm”. like, are we in the middle of some kind of performance art where they just say one word and the light over their head goes out and then the room turns black and music plays while they change positions and its supposed to evoke sentences full of meaning and emotion? huh?

but seriously, these girls need to take a lesson from sonja.

YEASSSSSS.

but really how many headpieces does this girl own?

:: jack hole of the week :: goes to you meghan king edmonds.

and you shannon for always saying MEGHAN KING EDMONDS. good god just say MEGHAN.

I MEAN SERIOUSLY BRET MICHAELS WANTS HIS HEADPIECE BACK

PS. ROCK OF LOVE WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST SHOWS OF OUR GENERATION.

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

August 6, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: bachelor in paradise ::

I’m already loving it and think it’s great. Nothings even happened yet, except princess-jasmine-belly-button-ring-kim-kardashian crying her eyes out every 5 seconds.

but I’m not clawing my eyes out watching Nick, so I’m a happy girl.

ummmmmm YALL…… i found something I won’t watch.

they are doing a live after show for bachelor in paradise and I said NO.

I mean…. this has GOT to be step one in a 12 step program for tv addicts.

theres hope for me yet…… slim….. but theres a chance.

:: ~~crazy kim~~ clepto kim ::

kim richards upper her game and got caught trying to steal $600 worth of stuff from target. I mean we all WANT EVERYTHING from Target but Kim, come on.

now, I’ve never shoplifted, and never intend to, but someone please explain this to me: how would one attempt to steal SIX HUNDRED dollars worth of stuff from Target? I mean, was she like pushing a shopping cart out the door? did she have a giant bag and sweater and was putting things all over her body and in her purse? I need more details about how crazy Kim possible thought she was going to do this.

yes, I realize its highly likely she was under the influence, and someone that would shoplift clearly isn’t thinking straight to begin with, but I want some more details people so I can place myself in the mind of crazy pants Kim Richards!

:: kelly osborne ::

ooooo girl. you have gotten yourself into a whole mess of trouble. and you deserve it.

Osbourne came under fire when she attempted to criticise Donald Trump’s controversial proposed immigration policies by asking:“If you kick every Latino out of this country, then who is going to be cleaning your toilet, Donald Trump?”

Realising her gaffe, she then attempted to defend it, telling her fellow panelists on The View: “In the sense that…you know what I mean? But I’m saying that in LA, they always… No, I didn’t mean it like that! Come on! I would never mean it like that! I’m not part of this argument.”

this must have been the BEST news story for giuliana rancic to EVER report on E! News, and I watched it to see what she said, and she couldnt have been smiling more when Jason Kennedy told it and then she “took the high road” through the biggest smile ever. she retires from the show in a week, by her own choice she says with Duke starting school – but I feel like maybe if the Fashion Police/Weed Comment/Kelly Osborne thing hadn’t happened she wouldn’t be retiring.

sooooo perfect timing for her to get report on that one, because there is no argument to defend what kelly said. and karmas a beyotch kelly.

and kelly apology was as classy as she is, ending with “by the way I clean my own f***** toilets”

I CANNOT STAND HER. or her own words I f’ing can’t f’ing stand f’ing her. its truly the most used word in her vocabulary. BYE FELICIA.

:: baby news ::

in the least shocking news of all time

coco and ice t are naming their baby chanel

get it? coco is having a chanel.

good god. next……

oh wait. side note. they have a TV show? that is where they keep announcing these things. I would love to know what their daily program discusses.

ok now : good god. next…..

:: RHOOC ::

i just hope when I’m that age I’m rich enough to go on trips to moorea with my girlfriends and drink and swim outside of our hut over the water.

stay classy tamra.

ugh megan. don’t sit and sob about how you aren’t a real mother to your stepchildren of 4 months. it’s sweet that she care so much, but she takes this “imnotaregularmomimacoolstepmom” thing way too far. and ugh vicki, don’t yell at the imnotaregularmomimacoolstepmom crying about her stepchildren.

and ugh shannon. even in moorea you’re bitching at david over the phone.

atleast 15 times during the episode I thought “if I paid a fortune to travel to moorea for a honeymoon/trip with my husband and I had to listen to vicki screaming from her bungalow and at dinner and EVERYWHERE I would have been sooo pissed.”

also, most obnoxious part of the episode : them being so annoyed the waiter in tahiti doesn’t know what a fireball shot is and brings them something else.

ugh. I just can’t.

oh no I forgot. most obnoxious is lizzy not taking a pregnancy test until at moorea.

:: RHONY ::

sonja with the models: the second she walks in “her waist. that won’t work for us.”

this meeting is as much of a train wreck as the previous ones we saw, but this time with innocent young models as collateral damage.

heather asks normal questions, such as ‘where do you see brand sitting in department stores’ and ‘who (what designers) do you want to hang out with’.

sonja’s people say ” you can’t compete with us ”

uh, okay. good answer.

the people that work for sonja kill me. in this episode and especially in the prior ones when they have “meetings” and are asked questions about the line, the way they respond is like kristin wing’s character Penelope on SNL who’s response to everything is just “yeah well I’m the best and soooo”

every question about sonja morgan new york (full label name to be said dramatically) is basically “well but we’re sonja morgan new york, so, you know, anything we want happens instantly because were the most amazing, and so yeah, no one has factories to produce things as fast as we do, and yeah, other companies have set retailers but everyone wants sonja morgan new york so we don’t even have to do contracts, so, we just walk in the door and we win, so, yeah”

this analogy makes no sense…… but it makes sense to me so whatever.

:: jackhole/mazel of the week ::

my television.

well…. kips television that became our television awhile back.

it started about 2 years ago….. the TV started taking a long time to turn on. it would first take about….. 20 seconds. then as time went on, the time to turn on increased. but this was a HUGE ass flat screen TV that we had in our bedroom (believe it or not, my old TV for the bedroom was very tiny so I was happy for a big one – I’d make a size joke here and follow it up with a ‘thats what she said’ but I’ll resist)

I was so excited to have a giant TV in the room I didn’t care how long it took and didn’t want to spend money on a new one. I learned to just turn the TV on awhile before I would be watching it (reader thought : when are you not watching it?)

soooo you know how pathetic I am…. cut to our new house and the TV is in the guest room so I don’t use it as much (cough: except when I sit in there and drink wine and get dressed for the night and watch copious amounts of TV)

it was to the point where it took over five minute to turn on. FIVE. and made this loud ticking sound the whole time.

so….. sadly….. the day came this week where she just won’t turn on.

RIP Kip’s old TV. I suppose this is another lesson, like his nasty old mattress we still sleep on where the spring will soon be piercing my back, to BE A GROWN UP AND BUY NEW THINGS.

if you missed the THRILLING story about our mattress, see this post 🙂

ps Im totally getting that mattress you all recommended!

there are no mattress gifs so this is the next best 🙂

but side note : i’m proud that I can now say I watched so much television I killed a TV 🙂

:: jackhole of the week ::

ME. for just writing all of that about A TELEVISION and for writing a whole thing about OUR MATTRESS.

I find new lows on a monthly basis with this blog……..

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

July 30, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves….

:: the bachelorette ::

lets just take a moment of silence to thank the tv gods that this season is over.

………

the highlight of the episode was how SHOCKED kaitlyns family was when she announced that she accidentally went too far with one of the contestants. and by shocked I mean it would be like me announcing I just spent a Sunday accidentally watching an entire season of a TV show.

I felt bad for about a half second (okay maybe a whole second) when Kaitlyn was dumping Nick because he TOTALLY did not think he was the runner up being sent packing AGAIN.

then I just thought it was awesome because I remembered I can’t stand him.

and then he throws his claddah ring from ireland in the limo at the camera like a little beyotch and I was like this is awesome I can’t believe I even felt sorry you for a second.

Then she picks Shawn and I was like “UGH I can’t stand you both. IS IT NEXT SUNDAY ALREADY? Get off my television!” (just kidding then I watched hour 3 of this crap with a pointless after the final rose. Lord help me.)

and I thought I was crazy for thinking shawn’s face looked different, but then I went online and saw that other people were talking about it too?

perhaps he just discovered the oil wipes that the producers of ABC for some reason never thought to hand him.

:: Gisele did WHAT ::

oooooohhhhh eeeemmm geee.

did you hear the story about gisele wearing a burqa to get plastic surgery in paris?

so, I’ll tell you,

page six says gisele wore a burqa to go get her eyes done and a breast lift in paris.

SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THIS SITUATION I CANT EVEN.

first of all, wearing a burqa has been illegal there for years.

second of all, she wears freaking flip flops. yeah….. because women who can’t even show an inch of skin can totally show their entire foot gisele. NO.

then she uses her longtime driver to take her to and from.

SERIOUSLY THIS IS SO CONCERNING is her personal assistant as dumb as she is?? I mean, they must have a whole team of people that “planned” this secret act.

I MEAN. WOW hunny. WOW.

brain. trust.

:: RHOOC ::
I seriously just can’t with Shannon this season. I really can’t.
I have anxiety ever time she starts to speak. I have anxiety even thinking about it right now. shannon flipping out in front of everyone for every single answer david gives during the “couples game night”. ohhh my gosh my skin itches its so painful to watch.

LOOK AT THEIR FACES. I mean seriously I’m sorry is there really any hope?!?

I also just really can’t with Meghan. they both are awful for completely opposite reasons.
meghan acting like she is ACTUALLY parenting her stepdaughter and being in any way shape or form successful week after week just makes me feel embarrassed for her. but the way meghan talks is probably what drives me the most crazy. if you know me or have been reading long enough you may have caught on that speech and mouth movements of people I watch on a weekly basis really makes me crazy and her mouth has that effect.
also, lovely pink hair on WWHL. I don’t know which was worse, the turban on the trip or the current hair color.

and don’t even get me started on vicki going all postal about women spending their husbands money (when no one was even spending anything or saying anything about that). ummmm pretty sure you’re just being an angry lady that is a slave to her job and your boyfriend is a golddigger who you do everything for. but whatever.

but I DO agree with vicki on how PERHAPS you should take a pregnancy test before a trip to tahiti to find out if you are pregnant or not. it’s 2015. it takes 1 minute. I know Lizzie, the advances in science are just mind boggling.

:: RHONY ::

for real though, when is Sonja going to get a legit dentist?

it’s like, has her dentist never heard of an implant?

how do teeth keep falling out. its been YEARS you should have this figured out by now.
Listening to Carole and Dorinda talk was very non-housewife like and I loved it – it was like watching actual reality television sans drama and it was wonderfully real and sad.
and apparently red jumpsuits are the new outfit, because every single person in attendance at the Skinnygirl event had one on. and single Ramona is even more obnoxious than married Ramona good lord.

:: bennifer ::

if ben affleck is really cheating with the nanny I am gonna be peeved.

i mean if it was J.Lo……

just kidding just kidding I hate a cheater.

:: jackhole of the week ::

I started watching unreal and kind o hat myself for watching it and weirdly liking it.

its horrible. truly awful.

annnnnnnd I’m 8 episodes in……. ugh eff my life.

seriously send help. i think this is me hitting rock bottom.

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

July 16, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: the bachelorette ::

IS THIS SEASON EVER GOING TO END?

ben dodged a big bullet.

And now he is official the next Bachelor.

it’ll be the first one I have liked in a long time if so.

I’m like “you’re too good for this!” but then again I’m like ehhhh your 26 I hope you go paint the town red have fun who cares. he’s adorable.

you know it’s bad when ME, the person who spent all of Andi’s Bachelorette season and now Kaitlyn’s season, bitching about Nick and hating on him, is like FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST PICK NICK AND GET AWAY FROM RYAN SHNOZLING.

serial killer eyes is better than stage 5 stalker? it’s a sad day in bachelor history.

she has two real top notch picks right there.

but truly I have never cared less about what happens. And I even cared a lot about Bob Guiney. And even like, Brad Womack, round 2. and EVENNNNNN horrible Ben picking Small Mouth.

bethenny and eric : do we believe this?

because I do not. they would be a disaster.

just picture her going nuts on him like she did on Jason and his reaction and facial expressions….. seriously picture it, his facials like he makes on Modern Family? Priceless.

:: RHONY ::

I’m so sad the trips to Turcs is over.

What do we think, did Ramona or LuAnn break the girl code?

(her voice. singing that song. nails on chalkboard. the horror/amazingness).

thank you dorota, for being the voice of reason (after the slew of dirty martinis left her blood system) : “he was passed out in a different room with a bathroom in between them”

(PS dorota is seriously smoking hot. her hungover packing her suitcase in a one piece at 9 am when the crazies attack and ask what the hell is going on — Ummmm she looked FABULOUS.)

and another gem of wisdom from dorota : “we used to have a good thing going. I used to know you and this is f’ing everything up.”

YES it was disrespectful and SURE I probably would have been a little peeved, but what do these women expect? No one was stealing your jewelry and wallet, so once you realize it was just a passed out naked man, simmer down. Your friends were drunk and morons for bring back strange men and then having them sleep in the room next to you, but thats all that, so get over it and get the dirt and start making fun of them for their 50 year old asses acting like 20 somethings.

Heather is CRYING? and HURLING back the curtains of Ramona’s bedroom? From watching the show this isn’t surprising behavior from them, so I think you should be happy it only happened on night 5 and not any of the other nights.

RELAX.

on WWHL heathers botox was straight up fresh from the doctors office.

she was pulled rulllllll tight. #nojudgement

:: SORRY IM NOT SORRY ::

I don’t have much to say today because quite frankly, I sat on the couch enjoying Big Brother and Flipping Out sans computer. And then Hoda and Kathy Lee on WWHL (WHAT! DREAM NIGHT!) That’s my version of “unplugging” on Wednesday …. marathoning TV I love without having my laptop on my lap working on coffee talk and perusing the instagram.

Some people just really don’t know how “unplug” from technology and they should take some lessons from me.

but seriously Flipping Out just makes me smile at the TV for an hour I love it so, so much.

I was crying laughing, tears in eyes, watching this scene (here if video doesn’t work).

I seriously can’t. They are hilarious.

:: bachelorette, again ::

men tell all next week, then the finale, and then BACHELOR IN PARADISE.

sayonara Kaitlyn.

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

July 9, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves……..

:: the bachelorette ::

shawn can’t even say nick’s name. he can only say “that other guy”.

I can’t even look at him/listen to him and his drama anymore.

you can say “the other guy” all you want, but HE WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED still had S-E-X with the girlfriend you are becoming a deranged psychopath over.

and “the other guy” is going to have S-E-X with her AGAIN the night before you try to do it too on your fantasy suite date soooooo…….

and I said this on Tuesday’s post, but seriously, someone get Shawn a Costco size package of Clean & Clear Oil Removing Sheets STAT.

bens been my fav since day one ~~because he physically is the most my type, he has a decent job, he isn’t jumping into ‘I love you’ on their first date, he seems so normally awkward about the whole experience~~

because he doesn’t have serial killer eyes or stage five tendencies.

only kaitlyn’s first reaction to ben being polite and saying in front of the entire production crew about the fantasy suite date night that he “can’t wait to stay up all night talking” is “ARE YOU A VIRGIN?”

no kaitlyn. he has what some of us refer to as CLASS.

and he also probably has a MOTHER WATCHING THE SHOW.

~~and he knows how to CLOSE HIS LEGS TO MARRIED MEN until the camera crew is gone.~~

I literally can’t even. I’m sorry. I can’t.

Joe saying “Did I stutter?” when confessing his love to Kaitlyn before being dumped mere moments later ~~was so sad and I feel awful for him~~ was hilarious and I rewound it 4 times.

I did feel really bad for ~~whats his face~~ Jared (why can’t I remember ANYONES name this season??) going home. He was so sweet about getting sent home too. Tries to give her his jacket and everything.

I can’t believe they stay in Ireland for The Fantasy Suite Week. WHAT? Ireland looks amazing, but come on, send them somewhere WARM they’re freezing!! This proves that ABC knows when it’s The Bachelor they want the girls in bikinis, and they’ll take you to Thailand or Fiji or anywhere else you want to go, but not the other way around.

~~but it hasn’t stopped anyone from taking their clothes off so far~~

most importantly…. only a few more weeks until Bachelor In Paradise, where sheyite will get real. PAH-REACH.

PS. Thank you to Kelsey for telling me about the scripted show about the making of a bachelor-reality-show called Unreal on Lifetime (Lifetime has the best shady TV shows ever). I haven’t even seen it yet and I am already basing my Friday night plans around it. And you know I’m absolutely not joking in any way. It looks INCREDIBLE.

also, while I’m thanking of all you for always keeping me up to date on things I need to know (nonsense), miss garlic thank you for always giving me the best commentary ever – like how Shawn’s nickname on a podcast called The Right Reasons is Ryan Shnozling. Can’t. Even. soooo when I’m not watching Unreal this weekend, I’ll be listening to this podcast.

:: ben affleck and jen garner::

what are our thoughts on this?

because I forgot to mention it last week, but in my group text with my girlfriends all my thoughts went straight to j.lo and then a battle of “why do you love J.Lo but hate on Kim Kardashian?” ensued and I went single white female crazy ass beyotch defending my J. Lo and bringing up Kim Ksex tape and Ray J ……. and then it spiraled out of control and I forgot we were talking about ben affleck and jennifer garners divorce.

……. now I’m all riled up again about the defending J. Lo being even compareddddddd to Kim K and I can’t focus again……..

:: RHONY ::

they are all just such a hot mess on this trip I love it.

I can’t wait to see LuAnn say the “don’t be all uncool” line next week about the man sleeping in the bedroom next to heather + carol’s room.

I mean come on y’all lighten up

ugh bethenny is back at it this week.

just let people say what they want and sit silently, then talk about them behind their back or in your confessional thing later like everyone else!

heather is right, she does think she’s the authority on everything.

but so does heather. and therein lies the problem between these two.

they both need to just listen to dorota and “BACK THAT SHIT UP AND BACK IT UP QUICK”.

I love Dorota, even though she was a total too many martinis cry baby drunk this week, but I’ll forgive her.

:: Flipping Out ::

I was trying to watch flipping out while I wrote this post, and I had to rewind and re-watch the same scenes over and over again because I kept missing things and would be laughing because I only caught the end of it and knew I needed to see all of it. This show kills me.

I just love Jeff Lewis so much. And Jenni. And all of them. I know I post these every season and every time I mention him……. but it really sums up what I look for in people and how I know we would be compatible.

too many photo bomb pictures?

sorry I’m not sorry, I saved the best for last!

um, YOU’RE WELCOME because I know those just made your day.

and if not, you are reading the wrong blog people.

(Al I know they made yours at least).

but seriously, the scene this week of Jenni and Jesse in his truck on the way to the job site I was crying laughing. tears.

:: The Gallows ::

how many damn commercials for The Gallows horror movie are going to play on Bravo every hour?? Every commercial break?? because I can’t get to the remote fast enough to change the channel or fast forward EVERY time. and I am a professional channel changer/fast-forwarder. How does it keep scaring the living daylights out of me when I don’t even watch commercials??? HOW!?

:: JACKHOLE OF THE WEEK ::

Britt and KODY (its with a C but the K is more fitting )

Why do I remember his name, but no one else’s? Oh, because its KODY.

Can you even IMAGINE if she was the bachelorette this season?

Imagine how many tubes of lipstick she would have eaten these past few weeks on the show?

Imagine how many tubes of lipstick she has eaten in her LIFETIME?

Jackhole to ABC for showing us these stupid updates to their ridiculous relationship. SERIOUSLYYYYYY ABC we have standards. They aren’t high, but we have ’em.

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry