discuss amongst ya-selves….. 

The girl doing the house band music and commecial breaks for WWHL while my boyfriend Andy Cohen is in Austin for SXSW needs to TAKE A HIKE.

I am deaf and my ears are bleeding.

her song “somebody loves you” may sound good on the radio, but so does britney spears. 

How much weed was he on when he chose that voice to be the one we hear for two weeks? 

The Bachelor

ABC finally had a reason to make us watch for 3 hours.

For once, it was the amount of time needed to FULLY show the amount of DOUCHE we had been watching for weeks and weeks. 

I know you all know what happened 
(if you don’t you have too much of a life & intelligence level, and therefor I have no idea why you are reading this blog)

so I won’t recap too much. 

He didn’t have a single conversation with either woman, other than saying they were hot.

The ladies were lucky enough to meet JP’s family,

who clearly hate him.  

Both dumbasses didn’t realize any of the clear warning signs that he is the worst possible choice in a husband ever. 

After slut-shaming Clare for the ocean romp weeks ago, he stepped it up a notch for the finale and apparently said (when cameras were off) in response to “Do you love me?”  

“I love f******g you”.  

yup. 

Clare then somehow thought they “communicated” and made it better.  

Then He made her entirely believe he was proposing to her.

He didn’t.  

Nikki had been waiting months for JP to say he loved her back.

He said he would spend weekends watching soccer and laying in bed.

She said, yes with her! They would! 

He said, no, alone.  

The dumbass still doesn’t get it.

He says “I really like you.” 

She ‘accept dis rose’ so he can bang her. 

Wait….. What?????? 

and that is not counting about 97% of the other unreal things that happened that I should have listed. 

Did anyone else notice a strange difference in proposal/final rose settings for JP this season?? They made the scene for the final rose like a dungeon behind these rickety gates and a dirt road.  It’s ALWAYS (annnnnnd I have season all 18 seasons people, trust me, I know). It’s usually all open air, thousands of flowers, amazing aerial shots from the helicopter, and surrounded by ocean. 

You are in St. Lucia and they have you propose on a dirt road while your rejected girls heels sink into the mud??? Come on ABC, even you are better than that. 

After the Final Rose: 

Chris Harrison brings out Clare and gets her POV and what she wants to say to JP.

Clare doesn’t need to see Juan Pablo! 

She said everything and it felt great! She left it all in St. Lucia! 

 And everyone hates juan pablo so much that now we all love clare!

Juan Pablo can’t comprehend why any one could possibly dislike him in the audience.  And this is after he has already made national news for his anti-gay comments and mental retardation comments.  What’s not to like???? 

JP tries to do math about the number of hours that were filmed versus the number that aired to say we didn’t see everything (okay, 1st of all, you can’t even speak English…. lets leave multiplying to the pros JP)…. and in ALL THOSE HOURS they couldn’t find a moment of you not being the worst man ever.

Thank God someone gave Nikki a makeover.  Her roots were INSANE.  and the frizz. ahhh.

Now if only someone could makeover your self esteem.

Please seek therapy ASAP. 

Chris and JP hate each other.

apparently the reason JP said things “changed 2 weeks ago after the women tell all” was because he was slated to be on DWTS but obviously everyone hates him and they changed their minds on that, so now he isn’t moving to LA and couldn’t say he and his not-even-friend-with-benefits had plans. 

Andi is the new Bachelorette. 

Is Andi going to wear a one piece all season as The Bachelorette like she did this season??

Because i don’t think ABC will let that shit fly

When did Kelly the dog lover become someone that shows up at everything and is shown every 5 seconds? what? 

 And if you blinked you missed it, but the girl that was missing an arm Sean’s season that ABC exploited constantly was sitting next to Dez and Chris.  What????

This is how much makeup Kim has on her face for SoulCyle.  (via)

I just threw up in my mouth. 

RHOBH:

How long can Brandi’s tongue be swollen for?

My Lord! 

I mean seriously is this some new telltale sign of an STD or something?

Because I would be a weeee bit concerned by this point if I were her that it hadn’t gone away. 

I can’t handle the Lisa stuff, it just annoys me so much.

At the “Beverly Hills Chamber of Commerce Celebration” {I’m sorry, but this is something created by Bravo, because the only people that attend these so-called-events are Bravo-lebrities}.

At the commerce crap thing, Lisa and Brandi go from arguing about the point {why does Brandi keep having to be around Sheana, blah blah} to arguing about wether Sheana is a whore and if Lisa has feelings for her.

They then argue about an entirely different subject and just give up. 

Ladies: STICK TO THE POINT.

Yes, Sheana is a whore, but that has nothing to do with it! Gawwddd .

I feel like I do this every time I start an argument with my man friend… I forget entirely what I was talking about because he tricks me and gets me on a different subject entirely.  Damn you! 

And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Kim is making complete sense.

Ken IS a grumpy old man.

I mean, my goodness, this week’s episode it was seriously ridiculous.

{yolanda was a bit ridiculous with the “don’t touch me”, but still..}

Ken and Lisa are fakes and grumpy liars in my book.

But Brandi is trash with a swollen tongue.

So basically I like no one.

Which is pretty consistent with my feelings on most people. 

We need to discuss Lilo on OWN.

We need to discuss the premiere of NY Housewives.

but I’m seriously still on a high from the other crap on TV this week so I need to do as Ramona has taught me. 

No, but really I need to.

There are probably so many sentences that make no sense and spelling errors in this post it’s insane.