The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, Lifestyle

:: wish list wednesday ::

June 22, 2016

lusts for the week…….

I am in love with these floppy sun hats!
some aren’t in the budget :

do not disturb // wish you were here // fiesta not siesta

but here is an adorable super-steal

super steal : come sail away sun hat

my latest Rocksbox set has a gorgeous pair of Kendra Scott earrings I’ve been wearing constantly.

:: Kendra Scott earrings ::

and don’t forget, you can get your first month free at Rocksbox with code tayloroshayxoxo
after that its only $19/month for 3 gorgeous pieces you can swap out as often as you like!

I ordered this BB Dakota skirt the second I saw it!
The print, the slit. I loved it everything about it.
When they came, I realized I never read the title and they were actually pants (whoops!) that look like a skirt except when you walk. I still loved them, but the fit wasn’t as flattering so back they went.

calantha pants

so when I saw the same print in a dress,
I snagged it.

dress here and dress here selling fast
found it here in all sizes still for now!

dress runs TTS or a little big up top,
can size down if you want to because of elastic waist

another season, another chambray!
my favorite chambray top has gotten super worn, so I thought I would try this J.Crew one when they had one of their big online sales.
I love it – it is super thin so a great summer weight and super soft.

jcrew chambray shirt

runs a little bit – size down a size

I love Old Navy Active apparel – today they have a 30% off sale sitewide and free shipping!
this tank is too cute

:: gym hair don’t care ::
and I tried three different pairs of white shorts last week that all failed miserably,
so maybe I’ll give these white boyfriend shorts a try this week – can’t beat the price!

love a good white summer dress

:: white scrappy dress ::

on my computer all of my text is not centered?
and my instagram widget is down?
my apologies – I have no idea how to fix either of these 🙂
I tried with instagram for an hour and failed miserably!

Lifestyle

:: where’s a man when ya need him? ::

June 21, 2016

never say “where’s a man when ya need him?” when talking about something trivial like taking the garbage cans down or up the driveway…. because you will regret it.

Kip and I are staying with my mom while we are House Hunting

and he is on a business trip for the week.

(PARTY TIME)

whilst having to do his Monday duty of rolling the trash cans up I jokingly commented “wheres a man when ya need him?”

several hours later, I am preparing a lovely pre-bachelorette dinner of spaghetti with Rao’s sauce (CRACK) because Kip doesn’t like spaghetti (seriously who did I marry) so we are SUPER excited for a full night of TV and spaghetti on the couch.

my moms like “TAYLOR COME LISTEN TO THIS”

I’m like “IM COOKING THE SPAGHETTI WHAT??”

and she’s like “I KEEP HEARING A WEIRD NOISE!”

…. we yell from room to room rather than walking over… its fun….

….so I step away from the boiling water and hear a drip. I’m like Oh Lordy that sounds like water. We walk the first floor then walk up the stairs and see a lovely soft line in the ceiling in the foyer with water dripping onto the carpet.

You know when these things happen? When your husband is out of town, and also your sisters husband is out of town for business for the week, and also your moms best friends husband is out of town for business. All 3 of whom could have been available within 5 minutes.

I climbed up in the attic ( I mean….. I’m totally an adult. It was terrifying )and saw that an AC unit was right where it was leaking.

We were told (by a man who damn it where are ya when I need ya?) to turn off the AC because they thought it was that so we did that and ate.

I walk upstairs 20 minutes later and the giant bowl is full of water and the line has spread to another part of the upstairs hallway. I was like

WHYYYYYYYYY.

so we call another husband of my moms friend and he runs right over and THANK GOD.

There was like water overflowing in the tray under the AC unit and we had to use rags one at a time to collect water and then ring them out in this huge stock pot, and then empty the stock pot and keep going for a full hour. It was mayhem.

So the ceiling is split and its a mess but the ceiling didn’t cave in which it certainly was on its way towards so I call it a SUCCESS!

Who needs a man!

Oh…. we do.

The biggest travesty…… all we got to watch was The Bachelorette!

HAHSTAG SOS

Lifestyle

:: southern charm homes ::

June 20, 2016

Happy First Day of Summer!!!!

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There’s just so much on TV tonight! I can hardly contain myself.

bachelorette is finally back, southern charm finale night, Odd Mom Out premieres, and The Real Housewives OC season premiere is back! all TONIGHT!

preview clip below of odd mom HERE – I have been waiting SO long for this to come back.

and then Wednesday kicks off Big Brother for the summer which you may know is just THE BEST and drives my husband so crazy that he started watching with me two years ago 🙂 it’s on 3 nights a week so theres really no way to avoid it!

I had wanted to share Thomas Ravenel’s insanely gorgeous new Charleston home that we got to see so many glimpses of last week during Thomas’ Dinner from Hell.

of course the only photos I can find look like stills from the show, so it doesn’t do any of it justice, but my goodness it was unreal seeing a lot of it last week. the millwork and detail everywhere was stunning.

Landon’s always looks amazing as well, but Bravo only has similar images to T-Rav’s which I think are stills from the show.

I would kill for built ins and moldings like these old homes have.

landon’s home photos

one house we do have great images of, Patricia’s of course!

see a full slideshow here

also, have I been living under a rock?

because Jennifer is PREGNANT? (link)

I’m like ummmmm who is the baby daddy?? because if you say Thomas, I somehow won’t be surprised, but really I just can’t deal.

via her instagram jennifersnowden

but not to worry, T-Rav is (for now) still just a baby daddy of two.

its her on and off boyfriend of 10 years or something like that.

apparently her baby has already been diagnosed with a brain disorder 🙁 so sad

and just because we were talking about Southern Charm pad’s , heres a clip of her home that was in that same article.

CHEERS to hours upon hours of TV tonight!!!!

but, remember kids

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: Coffee Talk ::

June 16, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves……

not many photos or gifs this week!!!

my apologies 🙂

:: southern charm ::

I’m confused about this “inconclusive DNA test”

was this on the first baby? or on this one?
and how the hell can it be inconclusive?

Landons sister Bam comes over to discuss the disarray of Landon’s life. And Bam’s facial expressions during this conversation are ridiculous

Landon clearly just wants a rich husband…which is what she had in the past and left….. but she doesn’t want to work. not work-work at least. ya know…. just like…. talk about the arts…. and travel…. and arts. in a magazine!!!
because that exists NOWHERE in print and NOWHERE online.

Bam’s crazy facial are amazing, but she is correct : there are plenty of jobs that pay a salary and give health benefits. But quit crying Bam.

it’s hardly like she’s a starving artist. I rewind 10 times everytime they show her house she’s renting in Charleston because its so insanely gorgeous. SHES FINE.

kathryn and thomas’ “things are great we have two babies were a perfect little family of four maybe this can work” last all of two seconds.

kathryn is trying so hard to calm her crazy and act like everything is perfect to not scare thomas away, and I gotta say, especially with the pregnancy hormones that has got to be damn near impossible for this girl.

she’s talking quietly and calmly with thomas about his upcoming dinner party for “St. Julien” (seriously? I can’t)

and all is great until he says Landon will be attending.

kathryns $#*T hits the fan, and naturally, within 5 seconds to get away from her thomas does what most would do:

Thomas tries to jump out the window

Kathryn remembers she’s trying to calm her crazy because for some reason she wants to be a family with the person she so clearly hates so she talks him back inside off the edge and is all “I’m totally fine with landon coming…..”

Kathryn is now ditching jennifer

thomas said if she wants to be in his life certain people can’t be in hers

smart move Kathryn…. ditch your only friend for your reliable as ever baby daddy.

Time for this Bravo show’s Dinner Party from Hell !!!

Thomas’ house is just FREAKING insanely gorgeous. I can’t even comprehend it.

it is so amazing with every perfect southern detail.

also, WHAT is everyone wearing?

why didn’t he set a dress code for this evening?

we have shep in a patagonia vest, and even craig is dressed down.

naomi is in-between with a dress, but with more casual boots.

then we have cooper in a blazer but came with a giant yellow puffer vest on top.

the puffer vest is nothing compared to the fur that enters on landon

a fur? who even owns a fur in charleston?

this is NEXT weeks PURPLE fur, this week was a more natural color for that charleston freeze of course

and then not to be upstaged by a fur, here comes baby mama Kathryn ready to stake her claim of at Thomas’ .

She’s in a full length green gown, a giant shawl, full black gloves, and giant wrist cuffs that go from her wrist to her elbow on both arms.

I’m having a hard time deciphering which group is dressed inappropriately : the too casual or the too dressy, but Im going to go with the lunatics in gowns and fur being in the wrong. mostly because its the two, landon and kathryn, that for some reason feel the need to try to impress T-Rav and play a role in his life. they are clearly MORONS.

People start arriving, and everywhere Kathryn turns she’s like uhhhh ehhhh ughhhh she’s here, ugh she’s here.

Craig : “I don’t know what any of these words mean

self righteous and sanctimonious?”

all I kept thinking during ALL of this was:

THEY HAVEN’T EVEN SERVED THE SALAD.

like, that three course meal was going to be AMAZING. I saw some sneak peeks at that salad with some crumbled goat cheese (perhaps feta, I’m guessing goat, either way it looked bomb) and some caramelized walnuts….. that looked so damn good. imagine what the main course was! (or entree? main? entree? which one is it supposed to be #belowdeck)

why couldn’t he have waited until after dinner for this meltdown!

Everyone hauls ass out of there and thomas like locks himself inside his gate in a rage and can’t figure out how to get out, and then skinny cooper is trying to hold him back and the golf cart almost drives straight into a car (Landon obviously driving) while Naomi barely escaped safely and got on the back.

a run on sentence was completely necessary for that.

oh, and I love the tiny twinkle we got to see of crazy Kathryn before next weeks finale of full blown lock her up crazy faces. her facials are nuts and I love it.

the “you sound like a dolphin” and her hand waving all over and “mmhhhhhmmm whatever okay” with huge eye rolls just kill me.

its like the 18 year old mean girl, and then you realize, wait, she practically is.

Apparently this week there was a drug test between the two parents of the year.
Because you know, they loved each other but now they are accusing one another of drug use, and then next week she’ll be preggo again.
Kathryn and thomas are in a custody battle over the kids and Kathryn apparently failed last weeks drug test!

also, thought I always think every episode:
JD drives me nuts

:: shahs of sunset ::

the mike + jessica stuff is heating up.
he is the worst, but how did she not see this coming from a mile away??

he is so disgusting though.

:: RHoDallas ::

I feel like the Season Finale should have been last week, with the $#*T show that ironically all started from a $#*T story in Austin where LeeAnne has to remind us that
“her definition of killing and everyone else definition of killing are two different things”

Ohhhhhh. Okay. We didn’t realize that. Thanks for clarifying. All good now, all good.

The only thing with Brandi this week was her acting like her husband is great and apologized and totally came around – yeah right! Brandi, grab your Jesus Juice and RUN for the hills from that ass.

The Lunatic that is LeeAnne cries about her life and her past to her cop boyfriend (grab your Jesus Juice and RUN too Rich!)
She says….. perhaps I do have anger problems…. so I’m going to go to a PR firm and tell them how amazing I am and try to give more motivational speeches about being a carny kid to people with far worst childhoods and histories than mine! DUH!
CHARITY YALL (DRINK)

she needs to tell the world that she, and you, were
“DESIGNED TO SHINE”!!!!
*I just deleted my big LeeAnne rant and need to shorten it up…… I feel like her Story (ITS NOT HER STORY! ITS HER LIFE) is horrible, but, hmmm, I don’t know, screaming at you best friend that your going to kill her because she spilled a secret isn’t justifiable because you have abandonment issues. and when you lose your marbles every 2 weeks because your carny kid days, no one feels sorry for you.

What happened with Tiffani this yawner of an episode? Oh, she continued to be a sad LeeAnne supporter, and then her and her “manly” with hair better than mine (~~not hard though, in his defense~~)
boyfriend went and looked at an AH-MAZING house.
did you see the neighbors??? in the “up and coming” neighborhood??
they’re making out in front of the new construction home with like a toilet seat on the front yard right next to them in the most dilapidated scary ass house on the block situation.

editors note : and my husband wonders why I don’t want to be living in one of the “up and coming neighborhoods”? I meannnnn gosh. I can’t possibly fathom why?
I can’t imagine who the neighbors are when thats what the state of their home is, and when the whole block looks like that. I’d just be parking in my driveway at night all calm and cool and collected…..sleeping like a baby at night…..

:: famously single ::

gotta watch it…… haven’t yet….. such trash….. you know its just calling my name

:: RHoNYC::

I feel like I never have my up to the minute commentary on NYC because it airs Wednesdays nights and sometimes I can’t watch it until Thursday.

but the two episodes at Dorina’s house in the Berkshires I was just like BETHANY ENOUGHHHHHHHHH you are the worst house guest

I cannot imagine ever going to someones home and behaving even ONCE for ONE MINUTE the way that she does, and she does it ALL damn day.
and then her and Carol try to run out of th house in the morning without saying goodbye?
WTF ??? like, bethenny, you have a seriously amazing sense of sarcasm and are so quick witted its nuts, but who do you think you are?! you’re behavior is horrifying.

I feel so bad for Sonja – leaving her out of everything does not help any situation
(and I’m sorry but your vacations are boring as hell without LuAnn and her causing trouble so seriously!)

Sonja’s one liners are amazing :
“she says she has no hard feelings, well what are these? SOFT BOILED?!”

Poor Sonja and the prosecco name. Once Bethenny sets her sights on you, you’re toast.
“I’m not selling to skinny bitches I’m selling to fat tipsy bitches.”
PREACH SONJA PREACH.
I mean….. if i had to choose, I choose tipsy girl hands down. obviously.

Everyone is shocked about LuAnnn instant love with her new man.
one of Sonja’s other great lines :
“I’ve been doing him forever, but hey, hes youuuuuuur soulmate!”

I’m just cringing watching LuAnn going around telling EVERYONE about her soulmate and how they’re going to get married. Just…. take a breather…. even if thats your plan and what you think (and I know they are now engaged) just shhhhhh. keep it to yourself for right now!!!
I had no idea she married her first husband The Count two weeks after meeting him!!!

LuAnn’s drink scene with Bethenny was hilarious though.
she really was so out of it and so strange – and of course bethenny’s commentary on the situation was hilarious and spot on.

also, next week Wednesday is a “Before they were Housewives” so set those DVR’s!!!!

apparently this week Jules husband filed for divorce 🙁
it was announced right before this weeks episode and I think they went back and re-edited the episode to air more footage of her and her husband? thoughts?
because nothing bad had ever been shown of their relationship, and there were never any previews of any of that either.
I feel awful for her she’s so sweet (and if they did go back and re-edit SHAME ON THEM you’re just as bad as bachelor/ette producers!)

Have a great day everyone, and remember,
you were DESIGNED TO SHINE!

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.

fashion, Lifestyle

:: wishlist wednesday ::

June 15, 2016

lusts for the week …….

almost all under $100 !

one // two // three

where has this striped tank dress been hiding from me?

i’m in love.

{ striped shift dress in navy + white }

the perfect tank, with a front V and back V

also in black and white

{ perfect V neck tissue tee }

my favorite off the shoulder yet – looks just like seersucker

and under $80 too!

{ blue + white off the shoulder dress }

{ lace shorts }

perfect summer tank.

ruffle + stripes in one!

{ striped ruffled tank }

love, love, love this tee dress.

comes in three great neutrals.

{ tee midi dress }

and like my-boy-friend-andy-cohen

I, too, love a jumpsuit.

and a side pony…. sometimes….

{ navy printed jumpsuit }

Lifestyle, weekend recap

:: monday things ::

June 13, 2016

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I hope you all had a great weekend!!

Friday night we went to Canoe to celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary.

We had our rehearsal dinner at Canoe and we hadn’t been back since; it was a perfect night. We ate outside and then went and sat at the bar down by the river after dinner for cocktails. There was another couple having their rehearsal dinner under a tent in the spot we did, so it was fun to see that in the distance while we celebrated.

I looked almost as nice as our rehearsal 🙂 yeah right ……

we had a great pool day over the weekend too.

kip is a master of entertaining my nephew.

Sunday we began house hunting!

My mom so kindly drove us around for a couple of hours so we could be looking up the places on our phones and not driving off the road.

We didn’t find any places, but it was a good start and a good opportunity for Kip to kind of figure out the neighborhoods {he’ll keep showing me houses and I’m like “how come I’m not finding anything amazing like this!” and then I look at the map and I’m like “ohhhhh no. we’re not moving there…. that’s why its a an insane house for a crazy low price sweetie…. couldn’t pay me to live there”.}

Kip walked away discouraged – I thought it was fun to go drive around and look at places. I’m still having nightmares about this one house that had their cat at the open house and it followed me around and I wanted to die.

Sorry, can’t do cats.
And like seriously people if you want someone to buy your house don’t have your cat walking around the open house!!! What is wrong with you!!

(a lot…. the decor in this house was OHHHHH MYYYYY)
I forgot how much bad I saw when we house-hunted in Chicago before you find the good. People are crazy.

I loved the Tony’s last night.

James Corden is so adorable – I crack up with his Car-eoke skits with celebs.

The best part was the Law & Order bit.

It was absolutely hilarious.

it looks like The Bachelorette isn’t on tonight!
STUPID BASKETBALL FINALS! DAMNIT!
We have to wait until next Monday for our final moments with Chad!

But not to worry, Southern Charm , Season Finale of RH of Dallas, and more will still be on 🙂

that kristin wiig gif reminded me of Maya & Marty (on Tuesdays)
have you all been watching? It is so, so good – I laughed so hard at the bread skit below!
click image below for it to play – or click link HERE