The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

coffee talk

:: Coffee Talk :: 2.16.17 ::

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

 

:: This Is Us :: 

Don’t worry – no spoilers!  Just going to blow your mind.   My Mom brought this to my attention and I don’t know how I did not know this but WOW does the show do a good job with prosthetics and everything……..

Are you ready to see what Toby REALLY looks like in real life? 

IMAGE

SERIOUSLY? 
He wears prosthetic jowels and a fat suit.
MIND. BLOWN. I had no idea. 

:: The Bachelor ::


My Bachelor recaps are getting shorter and shorter because I just don’t care anymore.  We pick up where we left off, with Nick crying for 70th time this season.   Chris Harrison asks “Let me ask you this, are you ready to walk away from all of this?”
Ummmm.  That’s funny Chris.  You should follow it up with “Because you can’t. You’re contractually bound and you know that we own you ?”

Nick pulled a Juan Pablo with Vanessa.  She says, to the man she’s spent 3 hours alone with (and by alone, I mean with 45 crew members) that she is falling in love with him.

He responds with a “I like you”.  Minus the accent, it is full Juan Pablo.  And Nick…..I am really missing Juan Pablo at this point.

I’m shocked Danielle didn’t make the cut.  Her baby voice with no mouth movement was just as bad as his mumbles with no mouth movement, so I thought two wrongs could make a right?

It has been announced that Rachel, the lawyer, is going to be the next Bachelorette.  Two things:

1. SHE ISN’T OFF THE SHOW YET? WHY IS THIS BEING ANNOUNCED ALREADY? YOU DID THIS WITH NICK BEING THE BACHELOR WHEN WE STILL THOUGHT HE MAY PROPOSE TO THE GIRL ON BACH IN PARADISE? It drives me INSANE.  Could this announcement really not wait until she gets eliminated? I go to great lengths to avoid spoilers, and then THEY spoil it.

2. I don’t know what the show is going to do with an intelligent, successful woman with a law degree as the Bachelorette!  And one over the age of 25 no less!  We haven’t had that since like Jen Scheft season 2. Slow clap for the Bachelor. Please don’t let her get manipulated by these producers. And FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD let Rachel be the one to make this show half way decent again …. I can’t keep throwing hours of my life away on NICK and this garbage.   Without Corinne, there would have been nothing this season.

:: Summer House :: 
There wasn’t enough Kyle in this episode for me to have much to say…. it started out great with the mullet wigs for his birthday and a kitchen counter dance party, and then it was all downhill from there. 
And who kicks it off with ruining all the fun?  Everett and Lindsay! The madly in love couple that can’t stop screaming at each other.
Everett’s facial expressions of anger are truly terrifying.  He legitimately alarms me.  I loved the twin calling her out on everything it was AH-mazing.  Until Everett’s anger returned directed right at her…. 
I don’t know why Lauren continues to waste any of her time with Carl.  She could be getting so many guys this summer that are so much better than him! 
as I type that, then we see a very sad back story of Carl’s life……
….but still.  Just like how Lindsay can’t blame all of her stuff on her mother and childhood, Carl can’t use his father as his excuse for anything either…. but yes, sad stuff for both of them.
Thank goodness Lindsay and Everett are trying to end this thing…. but something tells me this will not be the end of the drama between the two of them. And this huge of a break-up right before her 30th birthday? YOWZA. 
OH.  And Christina with no H (but it stays) really is one of the biggest pot stirrers ever.  She has a future on Real Housewives for sure. 
:: Beverly Hills :: 
The housewives, and part time housewives PK and Maurice Mauricio, are back in Mexico celebrating with 

THE AGENCY

How can Rinna act like she doesn’t remember saying any of this? 
LVP practically SPRINTS to not miss a minute of the conversation and confrontation between Kyle + Rinna.
But, I am 9,000 % on LVP’s side (which hasn’t happened in a long time) that this is her chance to OWN IT. OWN IT….pause….. OWN IT. 
And really…. you are on a reality show where anything you say about Kim is aired because of your previous confrontations, so how can you even THINK you can deny this or not remember it? 
I mean, I know LVP is really excited to hurl her under the bus without any proof yet, 
but Rinna DID say ALL of it, so she is burying her own grave. 
Eileen is ill all night and SHE LOOKS AMAZING.
That strapless white dress, the spray tan, all of it – she looks the best she has ever looked. 
Erika is trying to be a good friend by being like, come on Rinna, just tell the facts. 
Rinna all night is just responding with
“I want to tell the facts but I can’t tell the facts if I don’t know the facts as facts or if they aren’t facts.”
This is literally a “they don’t know that we know they know we know” from Friends moment.
And Rinna, who is a hard ass and would never cry like that, CLEARLY knows what she said and that she is screwed and that’s why she is crying.
This catamaran looks NOTHIN’ like the ones I’ve been on…. thats a full fledged YACHT. 
and on this yacht, you get a BIRKIN for jumping off the top into the ocean.
and then, in conclusion, Rinna dances on the table to “Painkiller” in front of Part-Time Housewives PK and Mauricio…… 
as jack from will and grace would say (that I can never find a gif of) ” oh. my. gahhhhhhhh.” 
also, I just had to see what Rinna had to say about all of this so I went to her Bravo Blog. go take a look. 
:: Just Felt Like Sharing :: 
My old iphone2.0 (basically) was done for and not working, so Kip let me have his iPhone6+ that he wasn’t using anymore because he combined his work + personal phone.  So…. I have had it for about 3 weeks now…. and other than the fact that talking and texting (what phones are actually for) is nearly impossible because it’s larger than my hand (and head almost) I am obsessed with it.  
We went and got put on the same phone plan this past weekend
(marriage y’all.  marriage is : delaying going to the AT&T store for 2.5 years because no way in hell is that how you want to spend a Sunday.)
and I was going to switch back to a “normal” lady size phone, and now it feels so tiny in my hand! And the pictures and video are so small! And reading my magazines on it is impossible! 
So….. even though everyone tells me I look like I am holding a laptop in my hand… it is so nice for instagram/snapchat/free TV on the southwest flights. 
OH.  But what made me think of this is that Rinna was just calling Harry Harry Hamlin and it looked like she was holding a tablet phone as well…… and I feel like she is not who I should be emulating… but then I realized she’s so freaking skinny that perhaps the phone just APPEARS that size compared to her body, and hers is a normal size, so mine can be the gigantic one.  AND on that note, perhaps the giant laptop-phone will make me look smaller in comparison.
SO on that note I’M KEEPING IT.
Who needs to text with one hand anyway? 
And talking on the phone with it up to your ear? NONSENSE. That’s not what phones are for! 
Happy Thursday 🙂 

EDITORS NOTE : 
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry  
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.

gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Real Housewives Tmblr, US Weekly, Entertainment Weekly, Yahoo, and Bravo 
by  
coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: Coffee Talk ::

discuss amongst ya-selves……. 


:: SUMMER HOUSE :: 
I just love this show so much.
Everett and Lindsay are insane.  You’re too old for wasted fighting every single weekend and slapping your boyfriend across the face (well… the slapping is at no age appropriate)
Everett’s facial expressions when he is drunk and pissed off are so extreme that they look like he’s acting or something?  He gets seriously crazy.
although I did appreciate his  “sayo-freakin-nara” break up line.  that was pretty solid. 
Drunk Kyle apologies to anything (chips…. walls… air….) and everyone 700 times despite not being involved in any of it.
See?! I knew I liked Kyle! He says sorry even when it doesn’t apply 🙂 
But truly, Everett and Lindsay are doomed.
They go wine tasting the day after this, because Kyle refuses to let these people ruin his #SundayFunday
but alas, the fights continue. 
Then Lindsay wants to hold a house meeting to keep Christina from coming to the house because only 5 people’s names are on the lease.
editors note: her name doesn’t have an H but I don’t feel like correcting it every time, so it stays. I have enough typo’s in these Coffee Talks to worry about…..amiright!? pah-reach.  
Seriously? A house meeting? Right in front of her? 
Kyle says it is : “Next level mind eff warfare.
When guys have a fight, we just splash some water on each others faces.
She throwing someones career under the bus.”
I’m sorry but the common thread in all of the house issues is Lindsay.  
So my guess is Lindsay is the real problem here. 
Also, I like Christina’s extreme facial expressions better.
Carl continues to climb the ladder of douchery week after week.
Carl: “Lauren is super fun, smart, intellectual.  I don’t know what to do with that.”
Lauren – you are way too good for this loser!!
Then fit model Jacqueline is back and she and Carl are all over each other.
Lauren, RUN.  PUH lease.
In conclusion, a complement to all. 
Slow clap to all of these people being able to Sunday Funday it up like it’s the first day of a week long vacation and then get up at 4 or 5 AM and drive back to the city for work.
I want to be friends with ALL of you based solely on that. 
 
:: BACHELOR :: 
One thing I can commend Nick on in his ability to send girls home left and right.
And that’s about it….. 
I think 6 girls got sent home? And I think we’ve barely heard more than 6 sentences come out of his mouth.
And the sentences we have heard, I can barely understand.
He needs a speech therapist.
ASAP. 
Thank Goodness Corinne is still there though, because even him crying constantly isn’t entertaining enough to keep me interested in this show.  I full blown scroll instagram now and go into the dark hole of Pinterest while the show is on.  Hell, I’ll even have conversations throughout it because I know I’m not missing anything. 
 
The Russian dental hygienist Kristina takes the cake for this season’s sad story.
Earlier we had the drug overdose fiance, which was very sad, from the blonde 30+ year old neonatal nurse with the voice of an infant. {still don’t know how you can be engaged to someone with NO clue they do drugs?} 
Enter Kristina, with a horrible childhood and mom that didn’t want her, orphanage, fleeing Russia without her sister, etc.  It’s so, so sad. 
What I’m really trying to say is…… 
Jubilee from Ben’s season is PISSED.  The no family story was hers first.  
At least she still wins over Kristina with being emotionally damanged and closed off? 
 
The group date is a total bore and also a disaster. 
All of the girls are scattered about the date location crying alone about the lack of time with Nick.
 
They don’t want group dates! 
They don’t want volleyball!
Where’s Corinne when we need her to come in here and explain how dating on The Bachelor works? 
 
Jasmine has played the role of the girl who has never gotten any one on one time thus far this season.  This person usually is so mentally unhinged that when that time does finally come, they go insane.
And just as producers have planned, Jasmine takes the bait and does just that, discussing her desire to choke him over not getting a rose and then making it even more uncomfortable by taking it to a sexual choking level. 
 
I mean….. wow.  
At that point you can’t even blame the producers because you have taken it to a whole new level of crazy that can only come from the inside. 
 
Nick sends both of the girls home on his 2-on-1 date and I still cant figure out why?
And then he goes to the hotel to cry to the girls and walks out in a huge dramatic scene probably waiting for someone/all of them to come running after him. 
 
WHAT UNIVERSE IS THIS?
The Bachelor is having crying fits and waiting for the women to rush after him to console him? 
NO WONDER YOU ARE SINGLE.
Actually…. there are a LOT of reasons besides this….. 
 
:: NICK ON LIVE WITH KELLY :: 
Nick was on Live with Kelly this week with her husband Mark Consuelos as the co-host.
Nick sits there and mumbles says absolutely nothing.
Nothing. Much like he does on The Bachelor. 
 Kelly and Mark are really funny commenting on things and he just…. sits there? And says “thanks” to things that are definitely not complements. 
They rip into him a little bit and say he just needs to stay single, and they both laugh at his “riveting” responses.  I loved it. 
 
I feel like I want Juan Pablo back….. maybe even Farmer Chris??? 
All of these Bachelors just are awful.  But in all seriousness….. 
WHERE IS A NEW GUY THAT IS SUCCESSFUL AND HOT LIKE ANDREW FIRESTONE CIRCA 2003 WHEN WE NEED HIM?!  


:: VANDERPUMP :: 
Tom and Katie spend $18 per invitation and don’t put a line for the guests to write their names on the RSVP card.
So they have no idea who is coming the wedding.
KARMA IS A BITCH TO BITCHES KATIE.  KARMA IS A BITCH. 

Um. Joe Simpson.  Making an appearance.  In this episode.  Was the only thing to get me through.
MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOOR. 
What do you think Jessica + Ashlee think of this whole thing?
And what are their family gatherings like?
He was so disgusting…. and talking about the gut in and penis out thing? 
WOOF. 



Also…. TOM.  Watching Tom doing this modeling stuff is 10x better than just watching him straighten his hair and apply make-up at their apartment. 
ALSO.  Why was Tom bringing in a 12 pack of Coors to Joe’s house for the shoot?
Did that creep anyone else out??? 
Joe: “I’d love to take modeling photos of you… I think you could be really successful…. just come to my house and we’ll do it here… and bring some alcohol too it’ll be fun.”


I want to see more of Pandora’s home 
(that was gifted to her, fully furnished and completed, for her 30th birthday.  Because that’s normal).
Not necessarily because I love it, but because I felt like there was SO MUCH to look at that I didn’t get a good look at anything.  It seemed like the scale of everything in there was meant for a home as grand as LVP’s with 30 foot ceilings and like it made no sense in her home.  
not saying it wasn’t nice and expensive! 
just couldn’t see past the pastel pink and white faux fur blinding me and I need a second look! 


I have nothing else to say about the episode because once James’ girlfriend Raquel starting talking I had to cover my ears and scream “la-la-la” to get her voice out of my head. 


:: WWHL :: 
After Vanderpump Monday, Scheana was on and 
WOW was her right eye WONKY. 

Was it the eyelashes? It was crazy 

 
:: SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIM ISSUE :: 
My commitment to the SI Swim Issue is on par with never missing the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show.
Can you even believe Christie Brinkley in this bathing suit?? 
I mean, please Dear Lord, let me look like her somehow in the future now.
I’ll take whatever she’s having.  
I think the issue comes out Monday the 13th!! 
 
:: REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS :: 
We start this weeks episode talking about
THE AGENCY. 
We are in fact now doing entire trips around
THE AGENCY.
This is truly blowing my mind.
I love you Mauricio…. but seriously….
Eden meets with LVP and explains to her that everything she is saying about Kim/Kyle came straight from BigLipsMcGee Rinna.
Fair enough.  It did.
And there’s no denying it when every sentence Eden said is followed up by a clip airing with the sentence coming from Rinna first.  But honestly.
Let Rinna say it and get herself involved in a mess that is none of her business and be done.
Stay out of it! Just because you were an addict/your sister was an addict does not mean you can go hurl yourself into their lives. 
And as the rest of the episode reiterates, when the ladies are discussing it in Mexico, it still doesn’t mean you aren’t annoying as hell. 
You may be off the hook for the one Rinna thing, but you are still straight up coo coo. 
I think hearing her on the Podcast for Kate Casey has really upped my UGHHH factor for Eden because she wasn’t bad this week and only defended herself which is fair.  So I felt the need to explain my serious UGHH factor on her 🙂  because the UGH is real. 
It looks like things get nuts the next couple of weeks…. 
and it looks like there is a lot of Kim…. (editors note : UGH.) 
and WOAH what is that one Erika Jayne look!? 
Not the one where she is crying “you don’t know what I go through” and looks a wee bit scary,
 but the one where she has pink hair and looks a bit like a drag queen and a wee bit scary.
I. Can’t. Wait!!! 
:: JOE ROGAN + LEAH REMINI PODCAST :: 
So Leah taped this Podcast a few weeks ago, but I just caught wind of it and listened this week and she is great on it.
Who knew Joe Rogan had a Podcast? 
note to self: I still need to do post on all my fav podcasts! 
:: NEW BRAVO LOGO  :: 


My-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen and his network went and got themselves a whole new look, brand, and logo….. 
I’m not sure if I love the new logo…..I kind of liked the bold colors they had before? 
 But I do like the new way they have the text/font on the lower left side of the screen for their alerts.  For example, it has “WWHL up next with __insert guests name__”  and it blends in so much more and is less distracting than it was before with everyones heads constantly popping up with all the colors? I feel like this whole part made no sense unless you watch as much Bravo as I do….. 
Thoughts? Discuss….. 
 

:: IMPOSTERS :: 

I noticed the new Logo when watching RHOBH and seeing all of the alert’s for Imposters coming up…. 

 

Imposters is the newest scripted series on Bravo, about a female con artist.

So obviously I taped it and watched…. I think I liked it? 
I’ll give it a few episodes.  I certainly enjoyed it more than some of the GGTD episodes I’ve seen lately, so at least it has that! 

 

Did any of you watch? 
but no scripted series will EVER rival Odd Mom Out.  Ever. 
:: JACKHOLE :: 
Is Danielle really coming back to RHONJ? 
I don’t think I can do this….. 
:: JACKHOLE PART II :: 
If I see one more commercial for 50 Shades of Grey I am going to
lose. ma. damn. mind.
mostly because of the song
“oh oh oh oh oh oh JUST WANNA KEEP CALLING YA NAME”
torturing me every 8 minutes.
It is NEVER ENDING.
They have payed some big bucks because it is immediately on after any show cuts to commercial and I am never fast enough to grab the remote and hit fast forward before “I DON’T WANNA LIVE….. FOREVER” slaps me in my ears all over again.
and I feel like I’ve already seen the entire movie and know exactly what happens.
editors note : sorry. rant complete.  and this was the short version. 

 

EDITORS NOTE : 

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  

#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.

 

 


gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Real Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo 
 


US Weekly, Entertainment Weekly , YahooTV 

by  
coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::


discuss amongst ya-selves…… 

:: THE BACHELOR :: 
Alright.  I’m just going to come out and say it.
The joy is gone and now it’s just boring and I’m over it.
I fast forwarded through half of this show. Which I usually never do. 
The Corinne show had been super enjoyable….. until now. 
We kick off back where we left, with Taylor “Mental Health Counselor” (slash Bikini Model as Us Weekly revealed) and Corinne “Pretend Business Lady with Nanny” going at it.
Does Taylor not realize that by engaging in all of this with Corinne she is making herself look just as stupid?
If you didn’t know…. Taylor did her thesis on “emotional intelligence” and they are her two favorite words to say and she will say them over. and over. and over.
So emotional intelligence was clearly the drinking game of the night and we all would have been hospitalized had we played.  

They leave Wisconsin and head to New Orleans. 
I really did love Corinne ordering all the room service and eating all of the food.
If I was trapped in a hotel room with the person I didnt like while the rest of the girls were out on the group date, I feel like I would do the same thing! 
And who doesn’t love complimentary room service!? 


I meannnnn it seemed like an awfully emotionally intelligent thing to do to me. 
Her being the villain and eating all that food was very reminiscent of Chad and the meat….. 
Also very “Chad”, is that the villain always has to go on the two on one with the person they can’t stand
Olivia was on the island two-on-one… left standing in the rain. 
Chad and little Faarquad from Shrek were in the woods….. 


Taylor and Corinne are in the middle of the Bayou….. 
This double date takes the cake for being so freaking creepy.
In the middle of the alligators on a swamp and the woods and with witchcraft ceremonies at night and did I mention alligators and a swamp?  UGH.
They meet with a psychic, talk crap about each other, Corinne gets a Voo Doo doll and doesn’t even put it down when Nick is giving her the rose. 

Taylor just can’t get over how Nick could choose someone who doesn’t understand emotional intelligence. 
drink!
Um. Taylor, sweetie. Nick doesn’t care.
He just wants to bone someone and be on television as long as possible because he has no job and he is 36 and still trying to ride the Bachelor-7-minute-wave. 

Taylor on Nick + Corinne :”It’s a relationship built off of whipped cream and lies.”
YES. Now you are starting to understand Taylor!
Wait…. no.  No, she doesn’t.  Because now shes “not leaving until she gets to tell Nick who she really is”. 
 Oh Lord…. I think you should get some mental health counseling of your own after this, because you are either crazy yourself or you’ve been brainwashed by all of these producers.
But really.  This episode could NOT have been more boring. 

:: Miss Universe Pageant :: 
I love a good beauty pageant. 
Flo-Rida opened the show with 5 rap songs about dropping it low and smacking that ass. 
a little “Apple Bottom Jeans, Boots with the Fur” mixed in….. 
This made no sense to me and was hilarious.  He was great, it just seemed…… odd? inappropriate?
The answers to many of the questions were this years version of “like, Iran, such as….”

Steve Harvey  made the best facial expressions ever listening to them all NOT answer the question they were asked. 

I didn’t enjoy the pageant as much as I thought, because I felt it was 3 hours of whole lot of nothing. But Steve Harvey was great.  

:: VANDERPUMP RULES :: 
James clearly gets his unfavorable behavior from his mother.
We already knew she was a drinker and feeds James’ belief that everyone is just “jealous”, but now she is making horrible comments at the drop of a hat (“well her karma is she’ll be barren”)   
She should go join the Katie-clique, she’d fit right in with the mean girls. 

James is “performing” at this bar/club and everyone goes. 
Jax goes? Everyone that hates him goes?
Then we see KRISTIN and her BOYFRIEND walking in?
Oh, I see.  It’s to watch everyone confront James and his girlfriend about him cheating.
but wait….. before we get to that…. it is BROAD DAYLIGHT outside of this club.
what time is this!?!?  Truly.  It looks like 11-2 peak sun hours when they open the doors to this pitch black nightclub.  It’s probably a Monday afternoon. 
…. but back to the point, 
Everyone is there to watch James and his girlfriend be confronted by the two girls he had been cheating with. 
his girlfriend sure is pretty….. but every time she opens her mouth I think there is less and less going on up there.
and by less and less, I mean none. 
plus her VOICE! my GAWD! 
Highlight of the night is one of the Sur-hook-ups saying to James girlfriend: 
“Isn’t it a quality of Miss California to be like, feminism?”
direct quote.  to be feminism. 
:: BEVERLY HILLS :: 
Be still my beating heart.
Am I liking Dorit? This entire episode? 
We begin at Rinna’s Harry’s BBQ… he does it all!. 
Eden arrives and wastes no time jumping into the “I know all about the Richards fam and their future despite speaking to them for 5 seconds” chat. 
Dorit is doing the right thing and telling Eden it’s not nice to talk behind others backs,
and that she should just confront Kyle about it.
AND she is making a proper judgement call on Eden being coo-coo.
AND dare I say this is also the best she has ever looked…. 
so cute in those white jeans, chambray top, and hair down and wavy.
WHO AM I????
AM I A DORIT LOVER?? 
DID SOMEONE SPIKE MY TEA??? 

Eden goes straight to confronting Kyle about Kim while everyone is sitting nicely together in the grass enjoying the BBQ. 
everyone runs to leave as fast as they can.
Rinna literally runs in her heels which I loved.
Camille mumbles something about a drink and does it as quickly and lady like as she can.
Erika has a full drink and is like “Yeah Camille I’m going to go with you…. I have a drink…. but…. wait for me” 
For someone who acts like she reads people so well, Eden sure can’t read a facial expression to save her life. 

And then right when Kyle is about to pull her (gorgeous) hair out, Eden hugs her for 9 hours. I loved the replay of this and Kyle talking about her crazy eye contact and pulling people in and holding them for way. too. long.
editors note : I really want to know what Eden’s behavior and personality was when she drank????? 

Cut to Dorit working out at her and PK’s (to be read in the obnoxious PK voice, because I gotta say something here or it’s just not right) house. 
Dorit is working out with no make-up! Like a normal person! I mean, none of them do that!?! 
And looking gorgeous of course. 
Okay wait…. if this was the first episode I saw of her I would really like her
Perhaps I have judged too soon….
I’m sure her and PK will be back to their usual selves with 7 Boy George appearances next week….. 

Okay I think I know where all of this Dorit-love is coming from…. the focus has switched to Eden.
We go to the mansion that Mauricio and THE AGENCY showed us last week for a party.  Because why have the annual white party at their house when they can have a completely different theme related to a house being sold by THE AGENCY and  plug THE AGENCY? 
Who goes right in for the kill? EDEN. 
I meannnnn.  Kyle’s face when she walks straight up to her and her sister at HER PARTY and kneels down with the LONGEST and MOST DRAMATIC PAUSE EVER was perfection.

She is just too much.  and that is the understatement of the century. 
I would have been like “let me just stop you right there. not now. and hopefully not ever? mmmmk thanks.”
BACK. THE EFF. OFF.
I listened to Eden on Kate Casey’s podcast and she is just SO intense.  
We get it- you are deep and you go deep.  
But that is not how you act with strangers! 
It was painful listening to her on this podcast, just as you would expect. 
:: Bethenny and Jason ::
okay WOOOOOAHHH.
The 97 year divorce battle between Bethenny and Jason finally came to an end in 2016.
But how silly of me to think that could mean the end of it! 
He apparently came and confronted her at school and then again on her date and there is a new restraining order and he has been harassing her and other things? 
read the whole article here.

 I feel so torn in everything regarding Jason because I loved him and I feel like theres no way he would behave that way unless she was being absolutely insane to him (and keeping the daughter away, which I think she would-and does-do.  She used to act like his parents were the devil when they were still married and try to keep them away). 
HOWEVER….. he’s really looking like a crazy person right now and now I’m thinking…..maybe he isnt who he seemed? I don’t even know what I’m thinking! 
…. what are your thoughts? discuss….. 

:: Heather Dubrow not returning to OC ::
As much as Ms. Manners shaking the finger at everyone would annoy me, and last season especially it was NEVER ENDING she drove me nuts, but I can’t believe Heather is walking away from the show!
And like a reader commented – BEFORE WE GET TO SEE DAMN CHATEAU DUBROW!
If you are anything like me you have been clinging to the hope of seeing that damn house completed for 2 (3???) seasons now.  WE MUST SEE IT.
She needs to change her YouTube Heather’s Closet into a full blown house reveal, or else I will lose ma damn mind.
I need to see the “Press for Champagne” button in her shampoo room! I MUST!
I NEED TO SEE THE HEXAGONAL ICE COMING OUT OF THE ICE MAKER.  
I NEED SOME HEXAGONAL ICE IN MY LIFE.


:: OPRAH ON 60 MINUTES ::
It was just announced that Oprah will be a Special Contributor for 60 Minutes.
It’s not that I think it’s bad, it just will be surprising to see her on 60 Minutes? 
Kip loves 60 minutes so I can’t wait for her to be on and him be like “wait a minute…why do I know her? is that Barbara Walters? just kidding…. I think he actually knows Oprah. I think?

I can picture her being in the intro where they all say their name…..
“I’m Lesley Stahl”
“I’m Steve Kroft”
“I’m Lara Logan”
“I’m Oprah Winfrey (I LOVE BREAD Y’ALL!)” 
thoughts?  discuss amongst ya-selves……

EDITORS NOTE : 

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  

#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.






gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Real Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo 


US Weekly, Entertainment Weekly , YahooTV 

by  
coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

discuss amongst ya-selves…… 

:: THE BACHELOR ::
The champagne toast at the end of the ceremony is taken over by Corrine addressing the group with one of her pep talks, further making the girls want to lose their minds. 

Chris announces they are leaving the house! And Heading to…….
an island
europe
an exciting destination 
they get to leave the sunny mansion and head to Wakeshna Wisconsin! 
(sorry Wisconsin…..you’re all super nice and the town looked adorable… but I’d rather be on the beach….in all fairness if they had said “Atlanta” I would have been disappointed).
Kip was in town this week and was in the room while the show was on, and when Nick is talking with his parents in Wisconsin he said
” WAIT. THAT is his voice? He sounds like he’s talking through a kazoo.”
He really does have a horrible voice. 

Um. Nick’s mom. Woah.  
I wasn’t expecting a 50+ year old not dressing her age such a trendy lady for someone who has 11 kids. 

She has all the check marks going for looking young and fresh : 
asymmetrical short haircut, leather jacket, deep-v tank underneath.
come to think of it all of those could also be things that Kate, from John + Kate Plus 8, had too…..
and A NOSE RING. Never saw it coming. 
Nick really needs to learn to stop crying.  I’m all for an emotional man (but not really, because I’m emotional enough for 2, so it would never work) so crying is fine, but not crying at EVERYTHING. 

Danielle (the one with the giant rack that is always on display, 
not Danielle the 31 year old neonatal nurse) gets the one on one.

On to the group date in Wisconsin : A Cow Farm!
How Wisconsin-y! 
Bet the girls are taking back their squeals when Chris Harrison announced they were leaving the house now…… 
Corinne obviously has no part in this.
She can’t handle it! Her hands are about to fall off! 
She doesn’t know how to do chores! She has a nanny for that crap, remember!? 

editors note : I love hearing the dairy farmer say melk melk melk like my co-worker always did 🙂 surprisingly though, his accent is not that Wisconsin-strong at all. 

Jaimi (the bi-sexual girl) and all of the “knowing how to handle the teets” commentary just kills me…. I love how they peg everyone on this show, and there was no way they were letting the bi-sexual girl out of this group date without several sound bites to use related to breasts and handling them. 

Josephine is wearing a perfect outfit for today’s activities: white jeans and a crop top. 
I’m not making fun of that outfit because she is shoveling poop in it, because she didn’t know thats what she would be doing, but I really love that when the weather requires a girl wear a puffer coat, she still has a little crop top and bare midriff underneath.  
UM.  My friend Cristin is a genius and made the best comparison on the face of the earth.
Josephine and Sarah Jessica Parker in Hocus Pocus 
Is she not her EXACT TWIN?!? 
Could not be more spot on! 

Comment about Corinne not participating in the shoveling of manure : 
“I don’t know if its the cow shit or the bull shit but I smell shit.”  
GREAT LINE.  

On to the night time portion of the date…..
Apparently everyone got wind that Nick’s mom is into black leather jackets, and that maybe men are attracted to women like their mother, so they ALL are wearing black leather jackets. 
 and for the most part, not even cute ones.  They are all a severely cheap looking motorcycle style. 

I love Corinne’s constant need to address the group of girls with speeches.
Apologizing for her napping through a rose ceremony:
“Michael Jordan took naps. Abraham Lincoln took naps”
right…. those are two names that would come to mind first? 
Oh! And apparently she “almost had to go to the hospital because she lost circulation in her fingers” from shoveling the poop.  
Riiiiiiight. 

don’t leave Corinne…. it’s going to be so boring without you! 

Raven gets the other one on one date and meets the fam on the soccer field!
Then they go roller skating.  
As the song “Kiss Me” plays all I can think of is She’s All That …… and then I realize all of these girls are too young to have had that movie play a pivotal role in their lives. 
They’ve never watched the red dress come down the stairs with the haircut to Freddie Prince Junior.
They probably don’t even know who Freddie Prince Junior is.
ITS A TRAVESTY.
Ur-sher yelling : PART LIKE THE RED SEA….. with that song that “Right about now….. the Funk show brother…..Check it out now……” 
That movie was EVERYTHING. 
Even the Jeopardy scene was Oscar worthy! 

But I digress….. back to Raven eating dinner with Nick discussing her ex boyfriend. 
Raven, perhaps you shouldn’t go into this much detail about your boyfriend cheating on you.  You know what her vagina looks like? You beat him whilst nude with her stiletto? 

Rose Ceremony/Cocktail Party : 
All of them are in these damn black leather jackets again 

The psychoanalysis at the fire between corinne and Taylor is AMAZING.  

Corinne says she “literally can’t even.  literally. can’t even.”
DAMN….she’s using words I often use to explain my dismay in Coffee Talk.... I can’t use them anymore. 

Also, Corinne ran a brush through her hair this week and looks 10x better. (She always looks pretty, but it literally looked like she hadn’t brushed her hair since stepping out of the limo until this week). 

TO. BE. CONTINUED.

And WHATTAYA KNOW next week there is a two on one where someone gets sent home.
Who is picked for the two on one? 
TAYLOR AND CORINNE
And what is the setting? 
An alligator infested swampland jungle.
slow clap abc.  slow. clap. 

A reader clued me in to check out Us Magazine for a few tidbits about the girls: 
Surprise, surprise.
No one is who they claim too be.  It’s whoever the producers want them to be.
Corinne may “run a million dollar family business” (its a flooring company) but her job is “Miami-based-Model” apparently. 
Taylor, the mental health professional, is an amateur underwear model.
SERIOUSLY?????? 
Vanessa, the Canadian special education teacher, has hosted Canadian talk shows and has been on 2 tv shows and is in the entertainment industry.  
Danielle Lombard – the Danielle with the rack, not the Neonatal Nurse – was named Miss Hot Import Nights by an automotive company.  I don’t even know what that necessarily means but I felt the need to include it.
All of this is hilarious. 

:: RHOBH :: 
I love how Dorit acts like she is such a party planner. This is the second time shes made a huge to do about being a party planner, and shes standing with a hired party planner.

What is this braided hair look Dorit is donning for rollerblading?

Erika flashbacks to photos from years ago, and she looks 10 years older in them! 
Now she looks younger than those photos!? 

Our suspicions about Eden Sassoon are confirmed.
EDEN IS COO COO.


She can’t date a guy because “He called me Type A!”
 …. um…. what type do you think you are?
“He chewed Nicorette gum after eating a cheeseburger!”
 …. um, he wasn’t smoking for you??
She is taking over Rinna’s role as the skinny betch commenting on Kim’s sobriety when she knows nothing on the subject matter.
I really don’t like when people behave where I am defending crazy Kim…. it makes me uncomfortable.

Erika Jayne’s performance in Mykonos is showing Mariah Carey how a lift is done!!!
I’m not talking about Mariah’s World this week, but last week (the last two weeks actually) she acts like a basic lift, with 4+ men lifting her, is the most difficult thing in the entire world to pull off.  
 It’s been driving me INSANE.
So watching Erika get hurled up there by her gays and flip around like it was nothing was a TOUCHE ERIKA JAYNE moment. 

Erika is EVERYTHING in Mykonos and I want to be a gay man whipping my hair back and forth in the Grecian breezes to XXpensive!

Back in Beverly Hills, Dorit is throwing that party she planned and executed all by her lonesome.  
Dorit turns to Erika the moment she walks in and says about her dress “this is a step up from the T-shirt dress.”  SERIOUSLY?

Phoenix’s baby nurse comes to present the child (seriously that is how it felt, “The Presenting of the Child….. PHOENIX!” cue Lion King music) in the chicest all white outfit ever.  I’m like um PEGGY girl get back here I want that.  It’s like the JCrew white shirt dress belted with a thin black belt and then white jeans underneath.
PEGGY.  You look amazing! You are some serious #FashionInspo and Dorit should take notes from you. Instead, Dorit is like PEGGY take the CHILD AWAY two seconds later. 

I want to know what is going on inside Eden’s brain.
 “I’m helping Kim down the stairs and she’s giving me NO-THING. Nothing.”
Wow. Eden. I mean…. what is she supposed to be “giving you?”  Her first born? 
 Between the cheeseburger/type-A date gone wrong and this, and your complaints about Kyle not being obsessed with you the moment she met you, I think we all know why you are single.
DAMN you are needy.

I mean, honestly Eden.
Kim can’t even say her brother-in-law’s name.  She calls him Maurice. 
I really wouldn’t put that much thought into it.
And Kim talking about being anxious for her grandson to arrive is not a step towards death and alcoholism!
And seriously, please stop making me defend Kim! It is not fun!


Don’t even me started on Lisa Rinna’s bag of pills, 

which is basically a bag of vitamins with some sleeping pills that she uses TO SLEEP, and Dorit running up to Vanderpump to switch from panty-gate gossip to “pulling out a bag of pills and putting them in smoothies” gate. 
and then she tries to accuse Vanderpump of overreacting and that it was a joke and to lighten up, when clearly she didn’t phrase it that way? 
but really… don’t even get me started. 


Check out this clip of Amy phillips as Dorit {clip}
it’s as wonderful as you would expect! 


:: GIGI MAKE UP COMMERCIAL :: 
Have you seen Gigi in her Maybelline commercial?
It is her face the whole time but a different model’s voice talking.
I never really thought about it until the commercial but her voice would DEFINITELY not work.
Can’t you just hear her saying all of it?
I feel this is really some commentary that only will register with the true TV addicts like myself….so I’ll stop there….. 

:: VANDERPUMP :: 
Oh how I missed Tom shaving his forehead.
Then his braid stylist arrives!
Just your typical man getting ready for his birthday!
James says the word “infiltrate”, thinks it isn’t a word because it sounds so foreign to him, and claims he made it up and now it’s a word.
Yep.

And I can’t even get started on Jax and his Roast and Britney’s mom being there for it.
THESE PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTING. 

:: SUMMER HOUSE :: 
I’ve been forgetting to talk about this show every week! 
and the verdict is…..
I LOVE IT. 
Love it. Loved it since episode one.
There is something about New York + The Hamptons/Montauk and East Coast people in general that always intrigues me, so add the Bravo reality show edge to it and I am in! 
I think the thing that I like the most about this show is that the people seem generally…. normal and likable. 


The twins for example.  I really like them! They seem very sweet and fun and I would want to be friends with them.
Even Kyle, who at first I thought was going to be a Grade A D-Bag, especially with the “entrepreneur” job title, I really love! 






I mean, look at him???  But I love him! 

He actually does seem to work as an entrepreneur and is successful (to my knowledge) and he is really funny.  Sure, he’s hooking up with a bunch of girls and blah blah, but again, he seems like a nice guy and he has had some funny commentary.
I think Carl seems like a douche (the one the single Twin is after) but again, he at least seems like a decent person! With a job! 
FINALLY. 
It’s SUCH a nice change from Vanderpump and all that garbage. 
These people work hard with good jobs, would be mortified if they didn’t seem intelligent or successful or at least driven, and are (in general) nice to each other and supportive friends.
I could go on and on because I’m really enjoying it.  Obviously there’s drama and all of that on the show, but I’m really digging it.  
Everett seems seriously alarming when he is angry. 

That relationship is skidding of the tracks fast.  
Even watching them clean as a group and cook dinners and everything is a nice change from the trash going on over and Vanderpump.  Seriously.  How sad is that, that I am commenting on that? I watch the twins cleaning up after the big party that went until the wee hours of the morning and then making a big breakfast for everyone and its like YES THIS IS WHAT YOU DO. SURE, DRINK YOUR FACE OFF, BUT BE A FREAKING ADULT!  


editors note : not nuts about the new girl this week, Jaclyn the fit model.  she seemed like she’d fit in better with the LA crowd….. 

:: JACKHOLE :: 
Ya know what really grinds my gears? 
When you go the gas station to pump your gas, and the pump you get is the one that shuts off after like $5 dollars of gas, and when you try to pull the handle and keep it going it just keeps shutting off.
Without fail – EVERY time I get gas, this is the pump I end up at.
Am I doing something? Pumping gas isn’t brain surgery, so what is going on?
And I have given up with pulling to a different pump.  
 I just drive off. PEESED. 
….so I go to the gas station about every other day.
It’s driving me nuts. 

EDITORS NOTE : 

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  

#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.






gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Real Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo 


US Weekly, Entertainment Weekly , YahooTV 


SaveSave

by  
coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

discuss amongst ya-selves…… 


:: BACHELOR  :: 


The Corinne shows continues! 


We start with the rose ceremony that didn’t happen last week. 


Corinne is drunk (come to think of it, she always seems drunk. I can’t tell when she is and isn’t drunk?)


and she takes off her dress and starts putting on a trench coat. 


….. and then has Nick lick whipped cream off of her.


Seriously.  This happened.





And it would be one thing if she just tried it and Nick shut her down, but Nick FULLY participates. WTF? This guy is a scum bag. 


Then she goes upstairs and goes to bed, snoring.  Before the rose ceremony. 


Nick sends 3 more blondes packing…. he’s really not into blondes 


(Corinne is the exception… for now… for other reasons clearly). 





GROUP DATE: 


They get to meet the Backstreet Boys (!!!) and dance on stage with them.


In all honesty, if I were a girl on this show I would be ecstatic.


I would think “Even though STD ridden Nick ended up being the Bachelor, at least I got to dance with the Backstreet Boys.”   It’s not *NSYNC, but I’d take it and love it! 


There is not one thing sexy about him.   This walk onto the stage was perfect Exhibit 492 of that. 


and Nick puts Ben Higgins and his skinny jeans to shame with all of this horrible hipster attire. 






I think I’m really liking Danielle, the one with the killer rack that Nick loves, who won the best dancer award and the one-on-one serenade from BSB.  Plus, she’s like, really pretty. 

We then get to the nighttime portion of the date. 
After Corinne’s nap, she tells everyone about her nanny Raquel. 
This is the highlight of the episode. 

Of course this is unbelievable so the girls assume she must be a mother and the nanny is for her kid(s). 
“Do you have kids?” 
“No.”
I mean, who else is going to cut her vegetables!? Come on!? 
But you know what? “It makes her happy, and (she) isn’t going to deprive the woman of her happiness.”
I think she is officially the greatest “villain” to ever be on this show.
She has provided more in 2 episodes than we get in full seasons from the crazy girls.  And that includes Bachelor in Paradise and Lunatic-Lace, which is really saying something.

One on One Date : 
Vanessa gets such a cool date – they go up in an airplane and get to do an astronaut/zero gravity thing. 
Nauseating, but amazing.
Again, these dates are SO much better than the dates of the past.
Vanessa pukes her brains out after being up in the air, 
and then looks GORGEOUS in her commentary.
Nick, who has said nothing and has zero emotion this season, and has no problem holding breasts and licking whipped cream off of a girl in front of 15 others, CRIES and says Vanessa makes him feel optimistic. 
Bull. Shit. (to be read slowly like Matthew McConnahey when he says bull. shit. momma. in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days) 
RUN VANESSA.  RUN LIKE THE WIND. 

Another Group Date:
Somehow Astrid won the one-on-one time.
Wonder how.
Just kidding she really did win a race, but something tells me this situation helped immensely. 
Crazy-Eyes doesn’t hide his affinity for a large chest.   
Speaking of chests, instead of a cocktail party before the rose ceremony, they put the girls in their ‘kinis! 
We have seen more skin this season than ever.  (maybe not beating Bachelor Pad this time…. yet….) 
Corinne is thrilled to take the layers off, and then steps it up by taking him to bouncy house and straddling him. 
(she needs naps, her idea of a surprise is to make Nick feel special with a bouncy house….. I mean….. she really does seem to require a Nanny. She probably doesn’t use real scissors and instead uses the child-safety ones). 
The girls see yet another moment of Nick being gross and crossing a line in front of them. 
FINALLY the girls are going to start standing up for themselves and saying “Listen loser, if you’re just here to d*ck around, I’m leaving. Corinne and you can live happily ever after.”
Those maybe aren’t their exact words per se; I’m just paraphrasing for ya. 
annnnnnnd with Nick in the hot seat, we get a 
to be continued…… 



:: BEACHES, Lifetime Edition :: 



If I hear or see the commercial for Beaches one more time I am going to lose my mind.



They are never ending. 


Idina: Do not sing that “I can fly higher than an eagle” in that nasally voice as though you are Bette Midler.  You are not Bette Midler. 



I’m sorry her voice with that song makes me INSANE. 








:: VANDERPUMP RULES :: 
There is so much discussion of this “d*ck pic” that if I ever hear those two words again it’ll be too soon.
Well… in general I think no one wants to hear those words, but you know what I mean.
Leave it to the Vanderpump Rules kids to really take it to a whole new level.
editors note: my-boyfriend-andy-cohen counted how many times they said it and it was something insane like 27 times. 
It is Katie’s bridal shower.
Katie is the meanest of the mean, so I hate to say this, but that Taco Bell tower was GENIUS.
I need to go back in time and have a McDonald’s display at my bridal shower. Damn! 

Britney’s mom is in town visiting and clearly is on mind-altering-medication because she is completely oblivious to the disgusting (sorry not sorry, he is) human being her daughter is dating.  

She asks if they have found a church to join and I’m thinking… Oh sweet Lord, you have NO idea. 
I can’t even think about Jax without this happening: 
Truly.  It is my physical response to him. 

I probably shouldn’t share this….. SO I WILL! 
When they were saying “d*ck pic” 27 times about his penis, I couldn’t help but picture a syphillis/crabs/chlamydia whatever it is covered thing that they showed you in sex-ed when you were younger.
If anyone is going to have that, IT’S HIM. 

I NEED TO KNOW WHO LALA’S BOYFRIEND IS.
It’s killing me.
Y’all tend to be my best source of information so, please, if you know anything, I’m begging you. 
I promise I won’t post anything online about it, but I NEED TO KNOW. 

also, am I the only one who wouldn’t have known what an “NDA” was if it wasn’t used in context? I knew what it stood for because of the conversation, but if someone said “What is NDA” I would have no clue and these LA people just throw it around like their lawyers.
but maybe I’m the only moron that thinks people say “non-disclosure agreement”
and maybe I should have deleted this whole paragraph because really, who cares? 
Ariana and Tom were on WWHL.
I think she is such a gorgeous girl, but seriously what is that rat-tail braid extension that goes down to your ankle that you have in your hair? 
I couldn’t even find the bottom of it…. it was on the floor somewhere. 
When Ariana’s hair is what I’m concerned about, and not Tom’s flat-ironed with blonde bleached tips only the right hand side of his head, there is a problem. 
:: RH OF BEVERLY HILLS :: 
Every scene with Dorit and PK is the same.
They are in the kitchen, with a nanny, getting a child to eat food.
Then they go up to the bedroom to get ready for something where she puts on a new outfit, and they discuss the same thing over and over. 
The first scene with Dorit, she says to PK 
“So you know this whole Erika panty thing……. ” 
I.CAN.NOT. 

PK is repulsive and his behavior and choice of words about all of this is not okay.
 I can’t discuss anymore.
so, I’m moving on…… 
and of course they showed up on the apprentice this week with boy george. get off my TV PK! 
How much advertising in The Agency going to get? 
Last week it’s Agency hats and visiting him at The Agency for lunch.
This week we’re going to see their huge property listing in Malibu.
I like Mauricio, and I love seeing the houses – especially one as insane as this one – but that is what Million Dollar Listing and your cameos on that is all about! 
Save it for the British boys and let’s keep this focused on the ladies.
I have had enough husband air time with PK!!  it’s as though he’s the 7th housewife I can’t handle it anymore!! 

Proof that children growing up with that much wealth and accessibility to everything have completely different brains that the rest of us: Portia, Kyle and Mauricio’s 6 year old daughter. 
“If Portia gets a yacht, she has already has her name picked out!”
“Rosé you say”
I mean…. discussing yachts AND rosé …. isn’t that we all did growing up?
Lisa Rinna and new-housewife Eden Sassoon meet up to gossip. 
It goes straight to Kim talk. 
Rinna, why are you saying you think she’s “mostly sober but not completely sober”
What? How the hell would you know?!
I don’t care for Kim at all, but it’s just so out of line. 
Also, can we just stop talking about Kim in general because I am SO over her being a character on this show. 

Then Rinna tells us in her confessional the definition of an enabler. 
OH. That’s what that means? Thanks Rinna. We had NO idea what an enabler was. 
She continues the baseless trash talk….. 
Kim’s close to death? Kyle’s an enabler?
SHUTTTTT. UPPPPP. 

Just because Eden was an addict and they both have lost siblings to addiction doesn’t mean you have a right to sit there and talk about it.
Plus, like I said, Im just SO over Kim as a part of this show.
So. Can we not? MMmmkk thanks. 
Eden is turning out to be super strange. 
She says she “doesn’t get love” from Kyle the moment she meets her.
Um. You just walked in and made eye contact for the first time! You’ve known her for 2 seconds. Is she supposed to hump you and act like she wants to be a lesbian with you the way Dorit did in order for you to “feel the love”? 
Simmer down! 
Then she goes to lunch with Kyle and starts asking her THE MOST personal questions you could ask anyone about their family.
STAHP. IT.  My skin was crawling.  
It was so, so, so inappropriate. 
We get it Eden.  You’re into “energy”.  
But lock it up. 
Eden continues, discussing Kim, who she also has known for 2 seconds and met once.
“I feel sad. I feel pain.”
I would have been like ummmmmm righhhhttt this is all really hard and difficult for YOU, Eden.  I’m sorry.  
I truly want to rant about this for a full paragraph but I’ll hold back; if I were Kyle I would have lost ma-damn mind.  
editors note : I want the mirror in Kyle’s hallway outside her bedroom.
Kyle and Erika go to Greece and I am so jealous and want to be there. 

Dorit meets with Erika and RInna to once again, for the 17th time (??) hash things out, and I swear it better be over.  

UGH previews for next week we’re back to Boy George and him and PK being a huge role.
Nothing against Boy George…. but I’m over him and PK being supporting roles in Dorit’s scenes.  

:: TOP CHEF :: 
Tonight is…..
RESTAURANT WARS! 
I am giddy. I hope you all are too. 





:: NASHVILLE :: 


I meant to comment on this last week.


I watched the premiere episode(s) when they did the 2 hour thing to kick off the new season…. and I can proudly say that I am saying NO.


No means No!


I am walking away.  It’s still that bad.  Like a bad boyfriend, it is not worth my time and energy when it doesn’t fulfill me the way so many other (great TV shows) can.  So I’m going to take my energy and attention to networks and shows that really deserve it 🙂 


seriously… slow clap for me.  I’m not a quitter (of television). 





Also, saw this in my gif archive and just wanted to share again because I loved it. 

do we think she’ll be back? 
because if Dorit is teaching me one thing, its that even though the popular opinion from everyone is she is HORRIBLE, she sure is giving the show some stuff to work with.
and Kelly Dodd gave the OC plenty to work with this past season….. 
   


EDITORS NOTE : 

as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  

#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.






gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Real Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo 



US Weekly, Entertainment Weekly , YahooTV 














by  
coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

discuss amongst ya-selves…… 

:: the bachelor : serial killer eyes season :: 
Now that Nick is the Bachelor, of course they edit it to where we barely see the serial killer eyes, versus on Andi and Kaitlyn’s season it was every single scene with his face.
sigh. 
It was the night of Corinne.
And I think it’s going to be a couple of weeks of Corinne because the “villain” of the season has been declared and we know they always stick around for awhile.
editors note : Corinne is the Dorit (RHoBH) of The Bachelor.  Neither of them EVER stop talking.
I actually am loving the “producing” of the shows this season.  For the first time they are changing things up and in a good way.  I think this group date is the best first group date they have ever had.  Wedding Photos!

The wedding photos weren’t a creepy one-on-one at a wedding chapel like they have done in the past, but a fun day of funny wedding attire while the girls get to drinking and hang out.  I thought it was good.  
Only in The Bachelor World would wedding photos on a first date be an improvement and a good date 🙂 
COUGH: If only I could forget Desiree’s “Right Reasons” rap song group date.



Also, it is understood by the show that this particular Bachelor is a man-slut and will have no problem making out with EVERY single girl in front of all of the other girls…. whereas Bachelors in the past would have some decency and not do that to the other women. But all the contestants already know Nick and his ways so it’s not like they can get upset about it. So again, perfect first date.
these are basically the only words Nick spoke the whole episode. 
I am totally Team Dolphin Chick.  Ep 1 she stays in a shark costume with heels all night and gets in the pool.  Ep 2 she is given the “shotgun wedding” theme and takes her pregnant bride role to a whole new level: pretending to give birth in her dress while the photographer snaps picks.



How did she not win the rose???!!?? 
Bonus points for her not knowing what a shotgun wedding/bride was.
For others that would be a negative, but I like her, so that gets extra points from me. 
OH. I almost forgot.  The end of the show, we get the clip of her celebrating the 1 year anniversary of her breast implants with Boob Cupcakes for her and Nick to try.
I mean. Call me. I want to be your friend.

The Adam + Eve girl is total #BodGoals.
and she handled having to be the topless bride perfectly.  The producers were probably freaking out that she wasn’t upset about it or that the girls weren’t turning on her and talking smack until they realized Corinne was going to self-implode and give enough footage for the whole episode.

As all of the silly wedding set-ups continue, Corinne keeps drinking and getting mad that the other girls are getting attention.  (as she reminds everyone later, “didn’t you know you were dating a guy along with 20 other women?”)
She needs the attention BACK on her.  To show him how serious she is about running a multi-million-dollar business and not needing a nanny to give her cucumber slices and being serious wife material, she takes her top off and wraps her legs around him and makes out with him in the pool.  Not even trying to hide her nips from not only him, but all the girls, and the 20 person crew they accidentally showed at one part. 


And the rose goes to…… Corinne!
At least Nick is behaving EXACTLY as I would have expected.

Now we arrive at the night time portion of the date. Corinne uses the time when she isn’t with Nick to educate the girls on what being on the Bachelor is all about.  “If you can’t handle being interrupted, you shouldn’t be there” she says. Corinne keeps interrupting conversations over and over again to shove her tongue down Nick’s throat, and finally one girl comes back and interrupts her.  Corinne is PISSED.  I was dying at the “she re-re-interrupted me.”  Not only because of the hypocrisy of it all, but listening to her trying to say “re-re-interruped” and because no, that was the first and only time she was interrupted, so it would just be re-interrupted….. not re-re…. 
follow that? me too…… 


Favorite lines of Corinne:
“No one has held my boobs the way Nick held my boobs.”
“My dad would be so proud, even though I was naked, my dad would be proud.”
“She re-re-interrupted me”
Facing all the girls and explaining why she won the rose “I put myself out there. I was just Corinne. XOXO, Gossip Girl.”

The one-on-one date goes to Danielle, who is WAY too nice for Nick and this show and everything about it.  I still like her, but sorry, her voice is absolutely awful.  I know she can’t help it, but….. I wouldn’t be able to date her based off that alone. It’s not Janice from Friends level, but it’s not good. 

The second group date is ready to commence.
Do any of these girls have a style that is not Coachella/Lolla/Crop Top? Because they are all wearing the exact same outfits. 
The second group date is at a break up museum and they have to act out breaking up with Nick.
I retract ALL statements about the producers being better this season….. this is more like the last 20 season.  This date sucks and is stupid and embarrassing for the women just like they always do to these poor girls on group dates. 

I actually felt bad for Liz, the one that slept with him at Jade’s wedding.  They had matching serial killer eyes.  For that reason alone I feel like she should have made it to week 4 at least. Well…. especially after the creepy “break up speech” and the way Nick avoided eye contact like the plague, I think we all knew it was done. 
I think the only person Nick didn’t make out with is 1. Liz, but he slept with her in the past sooooo….. and 2. Taylor, the girl who finished undergrad in 3 years and has her masters degree.  YEP.  Sounds like Nick!


One last Corinne thing : 
I wish I could post all of these, but Buzzfeed did 24 examples of Corinne being the greatest Villain yet and it’s just the PERFECT mash-up of her gifs from Monday night.


:: Mariah’s World :: 
This show is officially just a bunch of nonsense.
It’s just Mariah talking to the camera, and not in confessionals;  It’s just her straight up looking at the camera during any and all filming when there is supposed to be a “third wall” or whatever they all it.  



And I know why Mariah is into Tanaka, the male back up dancer.  Because he is as obsessed with himself as she is with herself.  The two of them just stare at the camera and talk to the camera about THE DUMBEST THINGS.


When Stella and her hair stylist are sitting in the garden in Italy wearing matching red leather jackets with all black ensembles talking about who knows what, I started to question my morals and sanity for having this on my screen.
This is almost worse than Lauren + Ben, Happily Ever After?
Almost.

:: vanderpump rules :: 
Tom got his straightener autographed by the Nascar driver.
Wow. 
It’s not even that he got his straightener signed, it’s that he brought his straightener to an RV and thought in advance, clearly at length, about getting a driver to sign it, and then he is carrying it with him all day at a Nascar race.  I can’t. 

Lala attempts to quit working at Sur, but shocker, she does not. 

But you know she’s super upset and mad, because she talks about herself in third person about 12 times telling us about it.  Third person talk is serious business. 


I laughed really hard at the Montauk Crew and Kyle getting wasted and calling Stassi Steve Jobs because of her turtleneck swimsuit. 

Hilarious. 
As I knew they would, Bravo did the trickery of combining Vanderpump with the new series Summer House.
I’m not sure what I think about the Summer House cast…..
I definitely think a bunch (all?) of the guys are total New York Douche Bags. 
But I definitely think it will be a good show! 
Do we think they are really paying for that house for the summer? 
I suppose even if they aren’t, they have done the same every other summer and had to have payed for it then. 
Lucky!!!! I want to summer in Montauk!!! 
Prediction : the couple that has been dating for 2 months and is proclaiming they are ready to be engaged is going to have some SURRIOUS SHEYITE go down this summer. 
Because the married twin is correct: You can’t spend every single day with someone and spend the night with them and then go and spend all weekend with them without wanting to kill them at some point.  No matter who it is. 
I am very confused about the married twin.
I understand that her husband has moved and she will be joining him at the end of the summer….. buuutttt you’re just going to go all summer not spending a single weekend with your husband? 



LUCKY! Ohhhh… no, I jest I jest. 
Well, sort of……  Depends whats on TV that night that I want to watch without judgement or interruption…… or eat that night for dinner……..

:: ladies of London :: 
I want to live in Caroline Fleming’s world,
where Casual Night is a fully sequined turtleneck, the most stunning cream skirt, and silver stilettos. 
yes. 
{how can I not find an image of this!! Arghhh!! Plus, this restaurant is NOT casual at all. Not in the slightest.} 
I wanted to slap Juliet at the dinner.  Clearly. I can’t believe anyone would have the audacity to look at someone that just confided about a suicide attempt and say “well isn’t that selfish?” and then add two more similarly asinine comments afterwards. 

:: real housewives of beverly hills :: 



“when you’ve traveled the world, you can speak in any accent you want” – Dorit’s opener.
I mean….. can you? Is that what traveling the world means? You can pretend you’re British?
I haven’t traveled the world… buuutttt.
Also, PK’s absence in this week’s episode made me realize that PK has seriously been the 7th Housewife this season.  FINALLY we get an episode without him.  PREACH! 
Once the lunch at Camille’s is wrapped up (because Dorit finally stops talking),
we head to Kyle’s house for Kim’s daughters baby shower.
Kim talks about her sobriety and they show the shoplifting clip in her confessional thing and she says the past is the past! It stays there!
Then Kim walks out in a dress with the SECURITY SENSOR attached to it.
I mean. I can’t. Sorry I’m not sorry, I literally laughed out loud.  
I’m sure it’s one of the newfangled ones that you DO take off yourself at home after they take off the store one, but still.  It was….. a moment. Slow clap for Bravo. 
Kim is just as kooky as ever in her confessionals as the show goes on.
It really drives me nuts that they bring her back for episodes every season… but better her than Brandi. 

The new/part-time Housewife Eden Sassoon is a smokeshow.

I’ve always said if I didn’t drink I feel like I would look AH-mazing and she is making me fully believe that.
I mean, yes, she’d look like that anyway because of her killer genes and shes a pilates instructor, but STILL.
Look what not drinking the Ramona Pinot Grigio can do for you !!??

Why do these ladies love a game night so much?
I did laugh when LVP commented on how Dorit not talking just doesn’t work, 
hence why charades was impossible for her.



EILEEN! WHY ARE YOU BRINGING UP PANTY-GATE! 
For the first time Dorit isn’t bringing up! 
and then you bring it up!? WHATTT??!!??
It quickly goes from panty-gate to Rinna bringing up Kim’s arrest and I JUST CAN’T. 

example 639187 why I don’t like when Kim shows up as a Housewife…. it leads to this.  Both of them just need to lock it up.

Lock it up RINNA! LOCK IT UP! 


:: Jackhole :: 



Obvious choice this week.
That lovely rap video from Desiree and Souljaboy.


I apologize that you can’t unsee or hear this. 

EDITORS NOTE : 
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.







gifs and images via giphy, ABC , E!, Real Housewives Tmblr, and Bravo 



US Weekly, Entertainment Weekly 


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